Inky And The Sports Guys

"America's Team" Meets Organized Chaos

2008-12-21T22:21:00.003-05:00

The Saturday night football game between the Baltimore Ravens and the Dallas Cowboys has to be one of the most entertaining games I've ever watched as a football fan. That being said, if the outcome had been different I may not feel the same way. All the hype about this game was that it was the last game in Texas Stadium. All the networks focused on the homecoming for stars like Emmit Smith and Tony Dorsett and how the Cowboys would easily get back on track and win this game easily because of the emotion of closing out this fabled stadium. It was even rumored that the Cowboys had requested the Ravens for this game as they expected to be able to have an easy victory when the schedule came out last season.

Obviously the "boys" got more than they bargained for in a Baltimore team whose will to win a game overcame the "emotion" of closing down a building. The game was a must win for both teams in terms of the playoffs. If the Ravens lost they no longer controlled their destiny and the Cowboys needed to win to stay in good position in the NFC picture. It looked for awhile like the Ravens would only be able to kick field goals and that they could not stop the Dallas pass rush. The Cowboys got 5 sacks in the fist half but then none in the second. Tony Romo also got impatient in the passing game leading to a critical interception at the end of the first half. This pick allowed the Ravens to kick a last second field goal and go up by two instead of trailing by one at the half. The Ravens also relied on trickery by pulling off a fake field goal to lead to their first touch down. In the end though it came down to smash mouth football taking over and consecutive runs of 77 and 82 yards by Willis McGahee and Leron McClain sealed the Cowboys fate.

It left a sell out crowd and a bunch of retired stars turned broadcasters or whatever scratching their heads. More importantly it left the Ravens in control of their destiny in the AFC and got them some more national attention as a quality team in the NFL. Now they only have to finish off Jacksonville at home next Sunday to take the 6th seed in the AFC playoffs and likely face either the Patriots or the Dolphins on the road in the first round of the playoffs. I'm hoping for Miami being as we've already beaten them this year however I believe the Ravens can play with anyone in the league.

The last time they won the Super Bowl was in Tampa in 2001....well it just so happens that the Super Bowl is in Tampa again this year and well the Giants could be there again. Bring it on, in 2000 the Ravens had to go on the road and win in January and I believe they have the ability to do it again this year if they can keep from making dumb mistakes.

Dirk Johnson Hates Australia

2008-12-01T18:21:00.007-05:00

After being replaced by the Eagles in 2007 by former North Melbourne Kangaroos star Sav Rocca, Dirk Johnson was replaced today as punter for the Arizona Cardinals by former Geelong Cats captain Ben Graham. This is just the latest blow suffered by Johnson, who has experienced an unprecedented run of Australian-related bad luck.

Dirk Johnson lost his live-in girlfriend several years ago to an Aussie who worked in her office. After the break-up, Johnson's dog, an Australian Sheppard, bit him on the leg while Johnson was attempting to take him to the vet for his yearly check up.

On a vacation to Hawaii, Dirk Johnson's luggage was lost, and was missing for three days. It was found after an extensive search, having been misdirected to Sydney, Australia. For the final straw, adding insult to injury, Johnson recently suffered a severe case of food poisoning after a meal at a local Outback Steakhouse.

Johnson now looks to recover and sign with another NFL team, one which hopefully has never heard of Australia.

*Only the first sentence of this story is actually true. The rest is satire.*

Redskins over Seahawks

2008-11-23T21:04:00.002-05:00

There were times this afternoon at Quest Feild when I thought I wouldn't end up being very happy with the outcome. In the end Clinton Portis put the team on his back and carried the Skins to a 3 point win over a 2-8 team. Yay!

Any win for an east coast team on the west coast is big, and any win for a visiting team in Quest is bit. That's because those folks are loud, really loud. I don't know if it has anything to do with how the stadium was designed, but it is loud as fuck in there. It could be that the football loving fans of the State of Washington have saved up all their cheering, since they haven't needed to do much of it for the Cougars and the Huskies, but who knows.

What I did think was kind of lame about Quest is their narking policy. They have a 888 number and a texting address sent up where you can turn in your fellow fan if they don't keep it PG rated during the game:

If anyone was wondering what really lead the Skins to the win, it wasn't their need to keep pace with the Cowgirls, or their desire to end their two game losing streak. No, it was their desire to see the very attractive ends of the Girls at Little Darlings, at 7th and Westlake. How do I know that? Because I've taken the time to do a little investigative journalism and I heard it from the horses mouth... I typed horse, right? At any rate, the the girls were all abuzz about how 13 or 14 of the Skins were in on Saturday night to see some... skin.

All in all, I'd give the game experience here in Seattle an A. It's a good stadium, with very good sight lines, and it is filled to the brim with a ton of loud but friendly fans. If you ever get the chance, you should come see your team play here.

Stiff of the Millennium

2008-11-17T14:30:00.003-05:00

I think the NFL should suspend Donovan McNabb for life. Sure dog fighting is bad, and drug use and spousal abuse are deplorable, but there can be absolutely no excuse for an NFL player not knowing that there are ties in the league. Even if he had somehow not known about it growing up (which presumes that he watched football as a kid) he was in the league the last time there was a tie.

Hell, even if all that escaped him, the ref says it over the PA before the beginning of every OT during the coin toss, and I'm sure he's been a captain at least once in his life. Stiff of all human existence doesn't cover how stupid Donovan McNabb is.

Road Grey's

2008-11-13T14:04:00.003-05:00

When you've endured 11 straight losing seasons, and watched the team that used to keep you out of the basement make it to the World Series, you'll take anything as a positive. And so it was that Orioles fans all over got excited about a new addition to the team yesterday. No, it wasn't a new player who will be pulling on the O's uniform for the first time at a press conference. It was a press conference for a new O's uniform.

Such is the state of our team, that we all get excited about a change to the uniform, but that's where we find ourselves. The team management finally listened to the fan base and put the city name back on the road jersey, something about half the teams in the league do, but which was once a given in the league. The "Baltimore" on the Grey's was dropped in 1973 and for the last 35 years the Birds has played with the team name on their chests in other cities.

That ends in 2009, and not a moment too soon. I need something to get excited about going forward, and unless those unis came with a new starting SS, 1B and a few live arms, I'll be reduced to cheering for the laundry, albeit, nice new laundry.

Seperated At Birth 11

2008-11-09T13:45:00.007-05:00

Watching a little bit of the Packers/Vikings game today I started to realize that Packers coach Mike McCarthy looked familiar. It took me a few minutes but then it hit me, he looks like that fat ass comedian Kevin James. I think this is ironic because James is a comedian and to me McCarthy is a joke as a head coach.

Take the Good With the Bad

2008-11-04T11:22:00.004-05:00

Sure the Redskins got their buttholes pushed in on national TV last night. And, sure, my once vaunted fantasy team lost solely because Santana Moss and Sean Suisham couldn't get me 12 lousy points between them. But there were reasons for me to be happy last night. One is ridiculous and the other says all sorts of things about me that I'd rather not delve too far into.

The first, of course, is the fact that 94 percent of the Presidential races contested since 1936 have been predicted by the Redskins. If they win, the party in power keeps power, and if they lose, the other party sweeps into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The only time this didn't hold true was in 2004 when the Skins did their part in losing to the Packers, but John Kerry got fucked over by Swiftboat and Bin Laden. How's that working out for you folks?

So not only should their loss herald a win for the D's tonight, which would make me happy, but they also made great strides in the world of sports fashion. Enjoying this, of course, makes me tremendously gay, but I'm OK with it. I've been waiting for years for the Skins to wear their burgundy pants with their burgundy jerseys. I'll pause for a moment for you to call me a pansy.

All done? Great. For most of my life Washington was one of the only teams in the league to always wear their whites at home (along with Dallas, those fuckers). This meant that we hardly ever saw them in their red tops, save for trips to Dallas and St. Louis/Arizona. A few years back they started to wear all white at home from time to time, and I've been waiting for the day they took the field in all burgundy.

And that's what I'm holding onto from last nights game. Which says even more about me than I'd like. Now we just need to get the gold helmet and numbers back and I'll be in heaven.

Neutral Site World Series???

2008-10-30T21:21:00.004-04:00

With the World Series coming to an end on the Phillies improbable season the biggest question other than how much damage can dumb ass Philly fans cause is should the world series be held in a neutral climate controlled site? You go 100 or so years without a rain shortened game or stoppage of play and all of a sudden this is the hot topic. The amazing thing is that a lot of the writers appear to be on board with this idea. I heard Buster Onley on Mike & Mike this morning going on about the revenue that could be brought in by having the World Series in one stadium for 7 consecutive days. He went on to describe how all the awards like Cy Young and Gold Gloves could be announced and Hall of Famers could converge and we could just have a week long baseball orgy in this neutral site. Sounds good right???

WRONG, it's bad enough that football has pansied out and only plays the Super Bowl in climate controlled environments. Pretty much the only people that get to go to this game are rich people and celebrities or chumps willing to come off nearly a grand for a seat in the nose bleed section. Baseball is to me still a pure sport where the fans make up a lot of the identity for the team. Not to diminish what fans do in other sports but it just seems wrong for the World Series to be played on a neutral turf. Can you imagine the Red Sox and Cubs playing a World Series in Anaheim or The Orioles and Cardinals playing in Houston? Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl. I'm tired of marketing and money dictating how we as fans get to enjoy our sports. It's bad enough that the games don't start until 8:30 and are played on work/school nights. I know that Bud Selig vehemently opposes this idea and for probably the first time I support him. I just hope that when he steps down that MLB doesn't get a commissioner like the NFL just did that is more interested in playing games in Europe and expanding the league than fixing other issues like the shitty pre-season. It's ideas like this that turn people away from sports but unfortunately tend to make millions for people who already have millions.

Philly Phans Know How to Celebrate

2008-10-30T13:21:00.002-04:00

This is all over the sports blog world, but since Inky, XL and I had so much to say about game 5 yesterday, I couldn't help posting it on our little corner of the blogosphere. This is one of those pure moments where visuals meet audio to make for a full and complete experience. Just seeing this fuckwit get hit in the head with a Grey Goose bottle would be ok, but hearing it makes for a once in a life time experience. I've watched this video about 20 times already, and it never gets old.

I Have Exorcised the Demons, Part 2

2008-10-29T22:00:00.003-04:00

Well, despite my esteemed colleague's Lead Pipe Lock prediction earlier in the evening, the Phillies have won the World Series. That's right, Philadelphia. The curse has been lifted; it can be done. Now we have no more excuses for not winning championships. We can do it, we can all do it.

So, sorry XL and Greazy who are Philly haters from way back. Not that I am really a fan of the Phillies, but my hometown deserves this. Just as much or as little as any other team deserves to win.

And, a little note to baseball fans complaining about how nobody was watching this series. It is your fault. How could you not watch this? A worst to first team and a team full of MVPs. Is it really just because they are not wearing pinstripes? Then shame on you. You are not a true fan if you only want to see the highest payrolls buy their way into championships. That is not baseball, and that is not what sports is supposed to be about. So, fuck off. Don't make me get out my batteries and hurl them at you. BOOOOO BOOOOO!!!

Take that bitches.

Stud of the Week: Barack Obama

2008-10-29T21:14:00.003-04:00

For anyone who actually pays attention, you know that Barack Obama gave a huge assist to sports fans tonight. Despite repeated, and false, assertions by John McCain that Obama was pushing back the start time of tonight's baseball game, nothing could be further from the truth. All Obama did, was make sure that anyone tuning into the game tonight gets to see baseball pretty much right off the top. They don't have to sit through all the B.S. Fox pregame, and in the end, isn't that a good thing? See, he's helping average Americans already.

The Phils Will Win....But Not Tonight

2008-10-29T21:08:00.004-04:00

This will be short and to the point because I want to get it posted before the game ends tonight. It is currently 3-3 heading to the bottom of the 7th inning. It is my belief that Philadelphia will lose this game and Brad Lidge will be the responsible party. Greazy and I have talked about this already and I just can't believe that Lidge will hold up to the pressure. You know he still has nightmares of St. Louis and he has been perfect thus far. So unless Tampa's bull pen turns into the Orioles bull pen (which it could if Chad Bradford is brought in) this is my prediction for the evening. As much as it pains me to think that the city of Philadelphia will win a championship I have resigned myself to the likelihood of it happening.

I'll Say it: Greg Oden Has Huge Tits*

2008-10-29T10:51:00.006-04:00

* By which I mean he is a huge bust
Just 3 minutes into his NBA career (a career which is already off to a 1 year delay) Portland center Greg Oden sprained his foot last night. Anyone who saw Oden play at Ohio State knows that is an amazing physical presence, and yet, he seems to lack the ability to stay physically healthy.

Maybe we should consider that he is not 21 years old as he says he is, but 44 years old as his looks say he is. Have you ever seen him with glasses on? He looks older than Morgan Freeman, and that motherfucker is old as shit. I think we need to cut Oden open and count his rings. God knows Portland won't be in danger of winning any rings if he keeps getting hurt every third day. I think it's safe to say, that with 1% of the precincts reporting: Greg Oden is a huge bust.

I Have Exorcised the Demons!

2008-10-25T21:44:00.003-04:00

Ha ha, St. Louis. I told you not to do it, but you didn't listen. And, now you're the ones with the bad luck. Sarah Palin has now infected your club. Not only did you get shut out by the Kings, Manny Legace tripped over that carpet they set out for her to walk on. If she is such a damn good hockey mom, then how come she can't walk on the ice?

How do I know that the curse is broken? The same day Sarah Palin dropped the puck in St. Louis, the Flyers won their game against the Devil 6-3. It still may be too early to tell if the curse is totally gone, but I am cautiously optimistic.

Take that St. Louis. Truth be told, I really don't have anything against you, so hopefully your curse will be short lived.

Just for the record, however. . . .told you so.

Breaking The Spell

2008-10-23T20:00:00.004-04:00

Sarah Palin is planning to infect another franchise with her bad mojo soon. St. Louis is apparently letting her drop the puck before their game. DON'T DO IT!!! I'm serious, don't do it.

The Flyers are 0-3-3. They have yet to win a game; the last team in the league without a win. They scored 6 goals the other night and still couldn't get it to work. It is all her fault. Don't believe the hype about the coach or the lack of serious goal tending. It is her fault.

So, take my advice, Blues. Turn her away. It is your only hope.

This election has to come quickly, or the Flyers may never win.

Quote Of The Day

2008-10-22T20:06:00.010-04:00

I was reading the sports page of the Baltimore Sun this evening when I came across this outstanding quote from Ravens Defensive End Terrell Suggs. This quote was in reference to the Ravens D possibly having a bounty on Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward. Suggs is quoted as saying "If there is a guy loose pulling people's drawers down in the neighborhood, you're going to be alert for him."

You've got to love the originality of a quote like that, only a guy that looks like Bubba Gump could come up with something that inspiring. Suggs also says in this same interview that Troy Smith should start over Joe Flacco and then says he has been misquoted and that he really thinks the Ravens should run multiple packages to get both guys in. I for one would like for T-Sizzle to stick to hitting the QB (preferably while he still has the ball) and stop talking to the media as he obviously is an idiot.

Look Who's Back!!!

2008-10-21T14:50:00.004-04:00

And you thought there wouldn't be a sports connection to this. Well it looks like Terry Tate is back, and he's got a whole web site full of content.

"You just subscribed to Terry's Journal of Pain. And the first issue's free baby! Woo!" Love it.

Weekend Wrap Up

2008-10-20T14:02:00.005-04:00

Ah, another week, another sports bonanza. Things are finally decided in baseball, and I for one couldn't be happier. And, another crazy week of football has left us all with fantasy regrets. Let's break it down, shall we?

Those Red Sox. They had to make it interesting. And, they tried. But, ultimately failed. It feels good to type that. After all, it seems so long ago that these lovable losers were finally breaking the "curse" in 2004. Now, Boston has had a veritable orgy of titles and has become that dreaded thing. A front runner. And, kind of an obnoxious one to boot. We're talking New York territory. So, hey, Champ. . .how about you sit out the next couple plays? Let one of these two new teams have a crack at it. 28 years is a long time to wait, Philly. Don't fuck this up.

Who would have thought that the Colts, Chargers, Cowboys and Patriots would be here? Woefully under performing, riddled with injuries, and looking rather ordinary. I'm sure there are people all over this country cursing those pre-season bets now. While the Colts and Chargers could rally, I'm pretty sure it's over in Big D. And, it gives this writer so much joy to say that. Serves them right. And, once again they are a 1 Roy Williams town.

When football is bad, it is real bad. Greazy and I watched the end of the Raiders/Jets game. If you want to call what those teams were doing "playing." It was more like fucking around. It was painful watching two NFL teams unable to get into reasonable field goal range during OT. I mean, come on. Most teams take less than 5 minutes to do that. It is sad to see how many teams just flat out can't compete anymore. Cincinnati is a joke. The Lions are pitiful and the Chiefs and Raiders are just plain shitty.

Go Bills! And, Tennessee. And, the Redskins. How about all those unlikely heroes. It is nice to see some different teams compete, at least for now. Also, as much as it pains me to say, I think the Steelers are the most underrated 5-1 team right now.

The Flyers are 0-5 with two points from two overtime losses. When are they going to listen to me? They are cursed. No, all you read is about firing the coach. That won't solve anything. Sarah Palin is to blame. I swear it. Now we can be like all those Cubs fans who can blame all their failures on outside sources. Nice to have a fall back plan.

How much do I love watching Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick do the NFL highlights on NBC. Just like old times.

Stiff of the Week: Trevor Wikre

2008-10-15T14:58:00.003-04:00

I don't think this is the type of message we want to be sending to the kids of our nation. I'm sure you've heard the story of Trevor Wikre, a lineman at DII Mesa State, who decided to have the pinkie finger on his right hand cut off, rather than miss the rest of his Senior season at the school that A) apparently exists, and B) also has a football team.

I'm all for Trevor chasing his dreams, but unless he's Randy Moss, Steve McNair or Jerry Rice I don't think he had much of a chance of playing professional ball in the NFL. So, after he's done playing those last few games of his college career, he'll be left with a 9 fingered existence, but sadly, he'll never again be able to do a good Dr. Evil impression. Tragic.

There's no doubting that this guy is a total douche, worthy of Stiff of the Week honors, but I'd also like to include his coach, parents and doctors in this award. Good job helping this kid work through his feelings of loss for his career by pointing out that there's more to life than DII pigskin. Top notch!

p.s. I think this kid also dramatically underestimated the importance of the pinkie in the administration of a shocker. Good luck getting one in the stink now Trevor... you dumb fuckwit.

I Need An Old Priest and A Young Priest

2008-10-15T00:39:00.008-04:00

I don't want to say "I told you so" to the Flyers, but sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade. You let that woman into our building. You let her drop the puck for our home opener. You let her wave and smile and do that stupid shit she does all over our ice. Now, we are cursed. I hope you are happy.

Sarah Palin has put a curse on the Flyers and now we have to get rid of it. Three straight losses are enough for me to know that something is wrong. They have the exact same team as last year. As a matter of fact, they should be better because Simon Gagne is back in the lineup. But, are we better? Are we winning? Are we looking like a playoff team? The answer to all these questions is no. The difference. That woman put a hex on the whole damn thing.

So this is what we are going to need. A pit bull, some lipstick, the bones of a whole chicken and water blessed by a democrat. Then, someone needs to lock that woman in a room and smack her every hour on the hour until she promises to go back where the hell she came from.

Then, we'll burn some sage in the Wachovia Center, drink some beers and punch the guy next to us in the face. Then and only then will the curse be broken.

Damn you, John McCain. Damn you for doing this to us. A curse on both your houses. Wait, a curse on all 13 of your houses.

Oops, They Did it Again

2008-10-14T15:33:00.004-04:00

Today is always one of my favorite days in sports. No, not Tuesday. But, the day after something happens that makes every sportswriter have to tear up a month's worth of columns. Let me explain. I'm sure you've seen this in the past few weeks.

Eli Manning is better than Peyton now. The Giants are quite literally the best team in the NFL, not just the NFC. Jon Lester is unbeatable at home. Josh Beckett has been the Sox best pitcher in the post season. The Dodgers have Manny mojo, and that is all they need.

Wait, what? You see all that stuff that people have been spewing is now considered null and void. Why you ask? Well, Beckett and Lester allowed 8 and 9 runs respectively against the Rays. Manny Ramirez may know how to fight and talk shit but so far that hasn't helped the Dodgers out of their 3-1 hole. And, poor Eli. I think he has suffered the most. He went from the next big thing to the dog house. Letting those Cleveland Browns run all over him and throwing 3 interceptions doesn't jive with the mantle they've handed him. Those poor sportswriters, they trusted him and Eli made a fool of them. So did John Lester. How dare they?

I just wish, again, that someone would let me get paid big bucks to be so wrong so often. These people, I mean, I know they're just doing what they are supposed to do. But, it all comes down to perspective. Eli is good, but better than Peyton? Too soon to tell, but that isn't a sexy headline. BoSox unstoppable, repeat inevitable (one more time)? Sounds better than Big Papi 0 for 34 in the series.

But, hey. Why bother with perspective when it is more fun to guess? Maybe every sports writer should spend some time in Philly. It will knock all the optimism and hyperbole right out of them. Then, maybe they could be a little less excited next time the Cowboys sign a felon and Kyle Orton has a few good weeks. But, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. Check back next week.

Weekend Wrap Up

2008-10-13T14:22:00.005-04:00

As Greazy is off asking himself "Is this good for the company?" and XL is no doubt still crying in his lower calorie premium light beer, it is up to me to recap the weekend of sports that was. Men; what are you going to do?

Let's see. . .where to begin. The Rays made it a series, winning in the 11th inning against the New York, I'm sorry, The Boston Red Sox. Isn't funny how those two teams seems so similar now? Seriously, you'd think they didn't remember all those years of being whiny little bitches. And, the Phillies did what everyone thought they would do; lose behind Jamie Moyer. So, now the Dodgers think they can win. Good for them.

Now, football. As I mentioned before XL is crying because his Ravens got their butt holes pushed in by the Colts. Apparently, someone finally held up a mirror in front of Peyton Manning, so he could remember who the fuck he was. That bomb to Marvin was gorgeous. Sorry XL.

The Redskins got a little too penis-y and looked past the Rams, who won on a last minute field goal. But, before the Rams break their arms patting themselves on the back, they still suck.

Around the rest of the league: Tony Romo broke his little finger and will be out 4 weeks. Also, he was the beneficiary of the league's bullshit tuck rule. Somewhere, Al Davis is probably still dead. Did I also mention the blocked punt that resulted in the Cardinals winning OT touchdown? No? Well, it was great. Brett Favre is still magical, but Matt Cassel is not. Who knew?

Under the heading "Who the Fuck Cares": Texans beat Miami, Vikings beat Detroit, Packers beat Seattle. Oh, and Philly beat San Fran. Yawn.

Finally, Sarah Fucking Palin. She did get booed, a bit. But, come on, Philly. She kissed Scott Gomez and said she was going to root for New York because that bitch is from Anchorage. Enough Said.

So there you have it. All the news that is fit to print. Cheer up XL and Greazy. Remember one thing. The season is long, and your teams suck. Wait, that won't cheer you up. Never mind. I'll think of something else and get back to ya!!

Stiff of the Week: Ed Snider

2008-10-09T12:55:00.004-04:00

Ed Snider, chairman of the Philadelphia Flyers has always irritated the hell out of me. An uber-republican, he has contributed to John McCain, let the Republican National Convention camp out in the Wachovia Center (need to change that name again, huh Ed?) and now has perpetrated the biggest crime of all. Embracing Sarah Palin. That's right. That lipstick wearing pit bull will be dropping the puck at the Flyers home opener on Saturday. In addition, she will be joined by the "Ultimate Hockey Mom" contest winner on the ice. Everyone who enters the contest gets a free----wait for it----lipstick. I'm all for holding onto your analogies, but this is ridiculous. The name of the color you ask? "Puck-er Peach."

You know Flyers, we were just starting to work out our problems. My loyalty to you has been tested more times than I care to remember, and we even had that year off from each other to clear our heads. But, I thought we were on the same page. Now you go and do something like this. I just don't know how you expect me to take you seriously anymore.

By the way, if you want to read about some real hockey moms; you know, the one's who have sons who actually play hockey, read this. And, this.

Flyers, it's not a good start, but keep going.

Hallelujah! Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?

2008-10-05T16:30:00.005-04:00

Donovan McNabb couldn't stop 'em. Brian Westbrook couldn't stop 'em. The Philly run defence couldn't stop 'em and even a few terrible calls on an Eagles punt return and a called back Randel El TD.

The Washington Redskins, my Washington Redskins, are 4-1 and 2-1 in the SEC of the NFL after playing all three division games on the road. The offence seemed as if it could run at will, and Jason Campbell brushed off an 0 for 5 start to lead his team in a confidant and capable fashion. The defence, minus three of it's best players in Jason Taylor, Marcus Washington and Shawn Springs, absolutely had their way with a much ballyhooed offensive unit.

I'm well aware how fortunes can change in this league, especially when you have New York, Philly and Dallas all left on the schedule, but I will say that I'm having a good time watching this team, and their GoBot coach.

Separated at Birth #10

2008-10-03T21:44:00.003-04:00

After XL and I personally scouted the match up, I spent some time this evening watching the Tampa Bay Rays take the second game of the ALDS over the Chi Sox. What I really noticed in this game, however is how much Rays starter Scott Kazmir looks like Brit funnyman Simon Pegg. And for the better part of the first inning, Kazmir was pitching like a British comedy actor rather than an All Star. He got things right and made it into the 6th, before yielding to the big Aussie: Grant Balfour.

Baptism By Fire

2008-09-30T20:41:00.004-04:00

So week four of the NFL is in the books. The upsets were a plenty as they were in the college ranks. Greazy was delighted to see the Skins beat the Cowboys in big D, The Chiefs got their first win in like a year, and the Bears took care of the Eagles at home. The other "upset" that didn't happen for me was the Ravens beating the Steelers. The Ravens had that game in hand with a 13-3 lead in the third quarter when a stupid penalty led to a touchdown. Then on the next play after the kick off Flacco got sandwiched between two big defenders fumbling the ball that was recovered and easily returned for a TD. So two touchdowns in 15 seconds put the Steelers up by 4, they would go on to score another field goal. The Ravens made it interesting by tying the game but couldn't do anything on offense after that.

All in all it was a great game even though the Ravens lost in OT. To many stupid penalties on the Ravens front cost them a lot of field position and possibly points. Even though he's a rookie, Joe Flacco held up well against the number 2 defense in the NFL. He had the one crucial error but at the same time it's not like he had good protection on that play. He made good throws although with a little more zip some of the deeper plays could've been completed. For a first road game in one of the hardest road stadiums to play it was a solid performance. Next week we get the undefeated Titans who I also hate. Too many years of Eddie George and Steve McNair although in the end we got the better of them. I also hate Jeff Fisher because he looks more like a Nascar driver then a NFL head coach. It's only one loss early on but it's frustrating because I had little expectation of this team in week 1. Now they've gone and played really well for three weeks and I expect them to win them all.

Ups and Downs of the Football Weekend

2008-09-29T13:20:00.003-04:00

This was quite a weekend in the world of football of all codes and levels. It kicked off (pardon the pun) on Thursday night when the number one team in the NCAA, USC, lost once again to Oregon State. It was just the harbinger of bad things to come for top 10 teams, as Georgia, Florida and Wisconsin all followed Southern Cal's lead on Saturday. The two College teams I follow both notched big conference wins this weekend as Penn State jumped to #6 nationally with a 38-34 win over #22 Illinois and Maryland won their second game over a ranked opponent by taking down #20 Clemson 20-17.

This weekend also happened to be the Championship Game of the Australian Rules Football League, and the game also produced a number one team losing. The previous once beeten Cats lost to the Hawthon Hawks as Inky, XL and I watched surrounded by Aussie Meat Pies, Aussie Beer and candy.

Sunday two other seemingly untouchable teams lost, one made me sad and one basicly turned me into a 6 foot tall erection. After three nearly untouchable weeks my fantasy football team lost by 45 points after most of my players failed to find the endzone. But, I couldn't care less about that, since the Washington Redskins went in to Big D and took TO out of the game en route to a huge win over the Cowboys!

In the end, it was all worth it.

Stiff of the Week: This Guy

2008-09-25T16:49:00.005-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen meet Sean Kenney, who has taken nearly three years to build a lego replica of Yankee Stadium. Now, far be if from me to call this guy stiff of the week because he spent the last three years in a small room with a child putting 45,000 legos together into a 5 foot by 5 foot by 1 foot model. That speaks for it's self.

What I really object to is the fact that this thing was outdated the second he finished it. Now he has to get some more candy, put on his trench coat and drive around in his van all over again if he wants to lure another kid to "help him" when he builds New Yankee Stadium. Putz!

We Are Geelong, But We're in York

2008-09-25T11:08:00.003-04:00

XL is making his way up to the Keystone state this weekend to watch the AFL Grand Final with Inky and I. Last year we watched it at his place, and he enjoyed the game enough that he's ready for some more.

So late tomorrow night we'll make our Aussie Meat pies, have some beers and hold our breath as the Cats do battle with the Hawthorn Hawks. Inky and I have seen Hawthorn play live, and we know what they are capable of. Oddly enough, we saw Hawthorn win, while we saw Geelong lose in person, so that only adds to the uneasy feeling we have.

The blog has been very quiet this week since the Orioles suck huge cock, and it's too early in the NFL season for XL and I to be talking too much about the Skins and Ravens. Add to that the fact that Inky and I have been following the AFL very intently this week and most sports at home have been less than important. We'll be back to full form next week though.

An Ugly Win is Still a Win

2008-09-19T08:37:00.000-04:00

Inky and I got out of bed before the sun rose this morning, which is no normal occurrence, I assure you. I like to get every last wink before heading off to work, and Inky isn't exactly the early to bed type. What roused us from our glorious slumber? Sports of course.

The biggest downfall to liking an international sport is they have a tendency to take place at odd times here. And so it was that our Geelong Cats played a game at 5:30 this morning against the Western Bulldogs, which for them was a night game. We wiped the sleep from our eyes and settled in to watch the game, footys in hand.

The way the Cats usually win is, well, devastating. They take the ball away from their foe in defence and move it across the field with unbelievable skill, speed and efficiency. They kick, mark, handball and run better then just about any other players they come up against, and normally it's all over by the half. Sure, they've been tested a few times this year, but only one side has been able to beat them, once again in a game that Inky and I were at. The only game we've ever been able to see Geelong play live, but I digress.

This game wasn't really like that, or, at least it wasn't like that to Inky and I. Even though the Cats win was pretty well a certainty from midway through the second quarter on, it was never a complete certainty like we're used to. The final score was 12.11(83) to 7.12(54) which is good for a 29 point win, but it was the way they won that had us nervous. They looked like a regular old team, not the 23-1 giant that is the shortest ever odds to win it all.

I know that in the end, all that matters is the win, but I rather enjoy the amazing heights that the Cats can play at. In the first round of the playoffs they nearly doubled up their opponent, and that was with them taking their foot off the gas with about 15 minutes to go. In the end they are both wins, but we are left to feel much more vulnerable in the face of Hawthorn/St. Kilda in a weeks time. And that is a feeling I don't much care for. See, I'm stuck with the Orioles and Redskins as the only other teams that I really care about in the world, and they aren't going to be giving me a whole lot to cheer about in the next few years, so this is it for me. Right now.

That said, I was a bit nervous this time last year after the Cats eeked out a 5 point win over Collingwood in the Preliminary Final, and it all worked out for the best then. So maybe I'll try to stay positive. Maybe.

Stiff Of The Week: The NFL

2008-09-15T21:16:00.004-04:00

I am going to preface this post for anyone other than Inky or Greazy that may read this. First let me say that I understand what a disaster it was that hit Texas this past weekend. I realize that thousands are homeless and millions without power. I realize that almost all of down town Houston is covered in glass from the sky scrapers and that it will be weeks before things resemble normal. All that being said the NFL seriously dropped the ball on the Texans, Ravens game that was to be held tonight.

Let's just review some of the terminology that was being used leading up to the storm making landfall on Friday. Words like "largest storm mass ever" and "certain death" were tossed around like "Good Morning" and "How are you". So what about this storm led NFL officials to believe that by postponing the game one day it would somehow go off without a hitch. The fucking roof got blown off the dome for Christ sake. Now both the Ravens and the Texans have lost their bye week which will surely affect both teams later this season.

What the NFL should've done is have both teams report to New Orleans or Atlanta for a worst case scenario game at a neutral site. The city of New Orleans could've benefited from an extra NFL game and the people of Houston should've been glad to give it to them. From a revenue perspective the NFL could've made it up to the Texans, it's not like this kind of thing has never happened. When Katrina hit the Saints played almost the entire season in other stadiums including having a "home game" in the Meadow Lands against the Giants. The Baltimore Sun reported that the reason the venue wasn't changed was because the Houston owner didn't want to lose the game. I'm sorry, if this is the only reason and there was not a chance of playing somewhere else the NFL should've had the fore site to reschedule the game when news of the storm's imminent path were revealed.

As a fan I should probably be happy to have the bye week done in week 2, now I have 15 straight weeks of Ravens football to watch for better or worse. But I know come November when we should've been off someone will be injured that could've used that week to rest and possibly cost us a win later. So for this reason among many many other problems I've had with the NFL in my life (letting our cities records be bastardized in Indy for starters) I deem the NFL my stiff of the week!

Hell Fuck Yeah!

2008-09-14T19:53:00.004-04:00

After the Home Depot Presents Your Mom rolled XL's Chicken Heads 115-73 in week one, we stepped up our domination in week 2. Playing against the three time league Champions, owned by my cousin, I had a week for the ages. Lead by 4 TDs from Jay Cutler Your Mom racked up a 149 to 79 win, and moved to 2-0. Had I started Darren McFadden over Michael Turner I would have had 167 points, and I still would have had Aaron Rodgers' 33 points on the bench.

Many in the league questioned my intelligence, aptitude and integrity when I traded away all my best players for draft picks last year. But, after suffering though a 2-12 season, I've taken the league by storm this year, and even though I know pride goes before the fall, I'm fuckin' proud!

So, YCPFFL: How My Ass Taste!

*Also, a tip of the cap to the Bronco's for having the sack to go for two when they knew they were playing with house money. That win over Whales Vagina is one of the hallmark games of the year so far, and with all that offence, a fantasy football players dream!

If You Can Catch A Football You Can Write A Book

2008-09-11T21:55:00.004-04:00

That title is a far cry from one of my favorite lines from Dodgeball "if you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball" good times. As I was browsing in my local Barnes and Noble's tonight I saw a New Arrival that caught my eye. The book is "More Than Just A Catch" by David Tyree with a foreword by Eli Manning. You've got to be fucking shitting me, all you have to do now days is catch a football in a Superbowl and you can get a book deal. Better yet the guy that threw it to you gets to write the foreword??? Nothing against Eli but I don't know what his qualifications are in the area of writing. He can throw the rock and stand in the pocket under pressure but can he keep people interested in reading a book? Plus what did he say? Something along the lines of "As I let the ball go I knew it was a shitty pass but then again Tyree was playing for his supper so I knew he'd find a way to come down with it" that would be literary genius.

I know I'm no William Shakespeare or Mark Twain but I'd love to think I could write a book more interesting than one by a guy who has only showed up for one game in his life. I mean up to this point all Tyree was known for was "sleeping with Katie to man....she's got big big titties" on the Surreal World hosted by Dave Chapelle. I think this marks at least the third book by a Giants player since winning the Super Bowl. It was a big win but lets not get carried away here. It's not like they solved world hunger or global warming by winning this thing so why are people buying these books? I guess this is one mystery I will not be able to solve but this is stiff of the week territory as far as I'm concerned. Being as I can't decide what is worse, writing a book about a catch or letting the guy who threw it write the foreword I will name both Tyree and Eli Manning as my stiffs of the week.

Another One Bites The Dust

2008-09-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

After all the speculation and rhetoric yet another elite NFL player is having season ending surgery. Yes it's true the Chargers Shawn Merriman coming off a week one game where he played in like half a dozen plays has decided he can't play through the pain. While Greazy and I were on the road in Chicago and Milwaukee one of the biggest stories going on was the severity of Merriman's knee injury. The Chargers were saying that the injury was not that serious and they expected Merriman to play while Merriman kept saying it was career threatening and he didn't know what to do. In the end and after a pretty bad performance by the Chargers as a team on Sunday Shawn said fuck it.

It's hard to blame a guy like this for having surgery in a league where you can be a superstar one day and taken out like garbage the next. If you want an example see Daunte Culpepper. That guy had one of the best seasons by a quarterback ever, hurt his knee and then couldn't get a team to hire him to sell programs let alone lead the offense. I liked Merriman as a former Terp although he's kind of turned into a selfish pre-madonna in the NFL. He is constantly listed as not being a team player and goes against the teams wishes by driving out to LA one day a week to do his own radio show. The Chargers losing on a last second play to a Carolina team that wasn't supposed to do much this year probably didn't inspire Merriman to want to wish further injury anyway. So add another one to the week one casualty list that already includes one of the best quarterback's in the league.

What Happened to Playing Golf?

2008-09-10T13:56:00.005-04:00

Why can't anyone just retire anymore? Brett Favre doesn't want to hang around Mississippi and fish, Chris Chelios doesn't want to sit around Canada and fish, and apparently Lance Armstrong doesn't want to bang celebrities and fish.

Surprise, surprise the Tour De France isn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of Lance's return. Despite the fact that most short-sighted sportscasters think it's brilliant, I agree with the Tour. We've had enough of Lance. As much as his commercials make me laugh, and I enjoyed his run at the Tour, it is time to let someone else have a turn. As someone who actually knows who other cyclists are, let me be the first to say, thanks but no thanks.

Doesn't McConaughey have a project you can get in on? Isn't there a marathon, triathlon or hog calling event you can go to? I mean, Lance, we love you, but move on. Seriously. Let someone else have a turn in the sandbox. And, I'm sure all this anti-doping stuff you want to do is totally awesome, but there are still going to be people who think you are guilty. Face it. If Greg LeMond is convinced, other people are going to be too.

So, call up Sheryl or Kate or Mary-Kate (Ashley? I can't remember which one) and see what they are up to. Hell, there has to be someone available to make a sex tape with you. And, Diddy is always looking to hang out with cool white guys. Lance, I think you're up.

Awwwwwww. . .Sick Burn

2008-09-08T16:52:00.005-04:00

Did you hear that? It was the sound of millions of football fans reading about Tom Brady's season ending injury and laughing. I don't wish anyone harm, but this one is pretty sweet. (Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I totally do!)

Somewhere Drew Bledsoe is laughing his ass off, Matt Cassel is throwing up and Bill Belichick is seeing if he can get his soul back from the devil. In terms of fantasy football's biggest monkey wrenches, this one just might beat the Bears beating the Colts.

Now Tom will have more time to sleep with his model girlfriend and father more illegitimate babies. Oh, right, and give the rest of the football world a chance to talk about something other than the Patriots.

Tommy, call Carson Palmer, he can tell you what to do. And, Schlack, take heart. The Flyers' season starts soon.

And the Winner is...

2008-09-08T14:20:00.006-04:00

Greazy! The other day XL made mention of the epic clash that was taking place this weekend. And so it was that the team from the Eastern Shore met the team from Central Pennsylvania on the cybergridiron. It was XL's Delmarva Chicken Heads lead by Peyton Manning and Greazy's The Home Depot Presents Your Mom lead by a scrappy young lineup of burgeoning stars.

Some of the Chicken Heads best players didn't give XL their best this weekend, as Manning put up 16 points, Larry Johnson tallied 8 and Chad Ocho Cinco posted only two points. XL's team limped to an anemic 73 points which won't be enough to stand up to the 92+ Your Mom racked up.

Through some very crafty drafting last year, Greazy had Michael Turner as a keeper this year, and was rewarded with a 34 point haul in week one. Reggie Bush got the call at RB2 ahead of youngsters Kevin Smith (13 points) and Darren McFadden (yet to play) and Bush was equal to his coach's expectations with a 22 point night. Dallas Clark's injury lead to a big fat 0, and the choice of the Arizona D wasn't the best as they only posted a 13 point night. Also Santana Moss and Larry Fitzgerald each only had 9 points with Brandon Marshall and Kevin Curtis both out, but with the running backs bringing the big lumber it wasn't a liability. Now it is just incumbent on young QB Jay Cutler to have a 20 point night to make Your Mom the number one team in the points race at 112 points from the weekend.

This was the 10th installment of the grudge match between XL and Greazy, and with Home Depot's win the series is all tied at 5-5. Greazy is the proud owner of a championship Pipe, while XL is a perennial playoff contender. They are both also very large men.

Reigning Cats, Not Dogs

2008-09-07T13:27:00.005-04:00

While this may be the first Sunday of the NFL season, it is also the first weekend of the Aussie Rules finals series. In the AFL each of the top 4 teams get two shots at the playoffs which pits the top four teams against each other in the first week. Those who win get a bye into the semifinals while those who lose return the next week to play the winners of the game in the lower four. Click on the above link to see the bracket, trust me, it's awesome.

In the first game of the weekend, the number two seed Hawthorn Hawks toppled the third place Western Bulldogs 18.19(127) to 11.10(76) behind 8 goals from their leader Buddy Franklin. The win showed that their is a huge gap between the Hawks at number 2, and all the teams below them. Whomever the Hawks get in two weeks, they are in trouble.

The first of two games on Saturday pitted #5 seed Adelaide Crows against the #8 Collingwood Magpies who ended up at the bottom of the playoff ladder after a late season swoon. This game was played in Adelaide, but for all but one quarter it was all on Collingwood's terms. They pulled away in the second half to a 19.11(125) to 14.10(94).

The second Saturday game was at the former Olympic stadium in Sydney as the hometown #6 Swans (about two feel tall, white with a black and orange bill...a swan) took on 7th seeded North Melbourne Kangaroos. The Roos were giant killers during the season, regularly taking out top of the ladder teams, but they slacked off during the end of the season. The Swans are two years removed from playing in two consecutive Grand Finals, winning one. The game was played in the rain, and in the end Sydney pulled away from the Roos 17.8(110) to 11.9(75). The season is done for North, while Sydney will have another challenge when they take on the Bulldogs.

After watching the three above games on the TIVO, I stayed up very late to watch the fourth game live. It started after midnight here in Pennsylvania, and didn't end until after 3AM but it was well worth it. The reigning champion Geelong Cats took on the surprise #4 seeded St. Kilda Saints. The Cats overcame some erratic kicking early to bash the boys from the beach 17.17(119) to 8.13(61). All of the Cats fantastic skill was on display from the Defense right through the midfield and up to the forwards. The Cats earn the week off to lick their wounds (not always wise with that sandpaper tongue) while St. Kilda has a short turn around for next weeks game against Collingwood.

This Day In Baseball History

2008-09-06T16:08:00.006-04:00

It is September, the pennant race is starting to heat up and as an O's fan I am left with just my memories of a better time. This day in Orioles history 1995 Cal Ripken Jr. broke Lou Gehrig's consecutive game streak. A record that was allegedly impossible to break was broken this night and would go on to be shattered at 2632 consecutive games. This record has sparked many controversies in the sports world as well as among our friends that are haters.

Even after Cal was inducted 2 inductions ago in Cooperstown I have friends (dumb ass friends) that will argue the only reason he is in the Hall is because of 2131. That if he sat down a game or so in his career he'd just be another mediocre short stop with no legacy. All I can say is I'm glad I don't live in Westchester, PA because there must be something in the water. I realize that in the juiced up era that Ripken played in his numbers are not as impressive as they could've been had he juiced. The fact is the man was the face of a franchise for 2 decades, a rookie of the year, a 2 time MVP, and a key ingredient in the 83 World Series championship. Not to mention all the All Star appearances and I believe 2 MVP awards for that game as well. He redefined a position once played by non hitting little guys and paved the way for the likes of A Rod and Jeter even if I hate both of them.

I digress, today is about remembering the accomplishment that it took Cal nearly a career to achieve. It also allows me to remember back to a time when I actually enjoyed tuning into an O's game. Another great accomplishment on this day was Eddie Murray's 500th home run which came this day but in 1996. Greazy was present for that game as he constantly reminds me so I will leave that historic post for him. But I'm sure he'll agree with me in saying that it is sad that both of us have to go back in time 12 to 13 years to feel good about baseball. The 08 season is all over accept for the crying, another sub .500 season but with a small ray of hope for 09 to be better. So today we will toast Cal, I'm sure on Baseball Tonight he will get a mention, and that will probably be the only Orioles coverage on ESPN for the day.

American Athletes Suck!

2008-09-04T13:57:00.003-04:00

It is official, and in my book a long time coming, but I'm here to announce that American athletes suck. Lest you stone me to death, let me explain. Sports is supposed to be fun, a good time, a distraction from the everyday. And, it kind of is. But, it is also something else here in the USA: BORING!!!

There is just no fun to be had anywhere anymore. You can't change your name to eight five in a foreign language without Roger Goodell's knickers twisting. You can't fight your teammate in the dugout without every sports writer from here to next week chastising you. You can't even steal someone's bags because you're pissed without the whole thing being blown out of proportion. Loosen up, America. Are any of these thing really a big deal. Remember T.O. with the Sharpie. Joe Horn with the cellie. Stupid? Yes. Funny? Abso-fucking-lutely. That is the point. Have some fun with it. For God's sake.

I know we are biased here at I&TSG, but take a page out of the Aussie play book. They have something called Mad Monday. It is the day after the regular season ends, and all the losers go out and get blitzed and have fun. Some people, however, take it too far, as evidenced by Brendan Fevola wearing a dildo and nightie in public. But, you know what happens to him? NOTHING!! This guy peed on a night club earlier in the year, and walked away with a minor punishment and a new three year deal. Sure, they want the AFL to ban the Mad Monday practice, but they won't. They'll wring their hands and then forget it. Maybe we should try that here. Instead of all leaping up to freak out about small crap, just let it slide. It is not nearly as big a deal as you think it is. It's sports, after all. Fuck the sponsors, let the guys have fun.

Oh, and while we are at it, can we put guys in little shorts? It's kind of my thing.

Ring of Fire

2008-09-04T10:44:00.003-04:00

I'm having a hard time getting myself psyched for tonight's NFL kickoff game. Part of the reason is that I am in postseason form with my other Football team, and it's hard to get back in that 0-0 mindset. Luckily for me, it will be a 0-1 mindset by the time the game ends tonight, which will be early to accommodate John McCain's need to eat and sleep early. What do you want? He's 72.

McCain and the Skins have more than their advanced age in common. They both are trying to regain power in DC at any cost. They both made poor leadership picks, but no word yet on the pregnancy status of Jim Zorn's kids. Lastly, they both stand no chance in their contest's in New York.

The Skins will lose tonight's game by at least 10 points, and part of the reason is the ring. Even without their best defensive ends, the G-men will be totally fired up thanks to a little Superbowl residue hovering around the Meadowlands tonight. I know it looks like petrochemical residue, but a close look will tell the tale. Eli will be fired up, David "I had sex with Katie too man" Tyree will be fired up and the defense will just need to push the Skins young receivers around a bit and get to Jason Campbell a few times to tilt the scale.

Greazy says: Giants 28 Skins 17.

A Reciver By Any Other Name

2008-09-02T18:27:00.002-04:00

I'm sure by now you all know that Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco. Some people think this is ridiculous, and others think it is funny, and in the end it doesn't matter what any of them think, because it's his name. What bothers me is all this talk about whether or not the NFL should allow him to go by the name, be announced by the name and wear the name on his back.

Of course they should! This isn't Rod Smart who donned HeHateMe on the back of his jersey in the XFL. This isn't Sean "Puffy, P.Diddy, Diddy, Puff Daddy" Combs either. This is a guy with a legal document that says what his name is and the NFL can't tell him any different. There have been other cases of guys who have changed their names, and the name on the back of their jersey changed right along with it. Think back to the late 90's when UCLA HB Sharmon Shah changed his name to Karim Abdul-Jabbar (not to be confused with UCLA C Lew Alcindor, who changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar). When the football Jabbar got to the NFL with his new name in tow, he wore it on his back until he lost a lawsuit that sounded like an Arab law firm: Abdul-Jabbar vs Abdul-Jabbar. At that point he became Abdul-Karim al-Jabbar, which the NFL also recognized.

All I know is: "His momma named him Clay, I'ma call him Clay."

The point is, if a judge was OK with Chad changing his name, then Roger has to be as well. We live in a nickname world anyway, with announcers often referring to players by their ridiculous monikers, be it ARod, IRod, KRod or GayRod. Why would you shy away from calling a guy by his legal name?

"Black Up" Quarterback

2008-09-02T16:16:00.007-04:00

You may see the title of this post and thing wow XL, that seems pretty racist. I guess it is but it also brings attention to a growing trend in the NFL. It was announced yesterday that Joe Flacco will be the Ravens starter in week 1 relugating Troy Smith to black up. It seems that when you scour the league you find quite a few of these situations. For example in Pittsburgh you have Big Ben who was blacked up by Chalie Batch but then he went down in the first pre-season game and Byron Leftwich was signed to be black up. In Jacksonville you actually have a black QB but he is not without a black up in Cleo Lemon. I'm sure there are more, a historical black up QB was Doug Williams of the Redskins. He was black up until the starter went down and led the Skins to the promised land that year. As the season goes on we here at Inky and the Sports Guys will keep our eyes on this potentially controversial trend!

I'd like to add as a side note that both Greazy and I use black ups in our fantasy league. I have chosen Jamarcus Russel as my black up and Greazy has Jason Campbell as his. I can't speak for Inky, I'm not sure if she is gracing the fantasy grid iron with her presence this season....but if she does I expect a black up!!

Cat's Go Undefeated*

2008-08-30T11:16:00.007-04:00

*In all games not seen in person by Greazy and Inky.

The Geelong Cats ran out to a 99 point win over the West Coast Eagles last night. The Eagles and Cats are the last two Champions of the Australian Football League, and it's easy to see in what direction each are going. With the 24.20(164) to 10.5(65) win the Cats improve their record to 21-1, but more on that later. The Eagles drop to 4-18 just two years after winning it all.

The 99 point margin of victory (the Cat's 4th such winning margin this year) means that Geelong once again finished with more points scored and less points allowed than any other team in the competition. Their 2672 points scored in the '08 season give them 238 more than Hawthorn, and an average points per game of 121. The 1651 points yielded by Geelong is 187 points less than Adelaide, and averages out to 75 points allowed per contest. All that adds up to an average margin of victory of 46 points for the "greatest team of all."

How nice for all the fans who got to see the other 21 games. You see, Inky and I were there for the "1" in 21-1. We've been following the Cats since our first trip to Geelong back in '05 and we took the time to be sure to be in Melbourne for this game on our most recent trip down under. Of all the games of footy I could see live, this rematch of one of the previous year's playoff games was the one I wanted.

So we went to the MCG and saw the Collingwood Magpies take the bark off Geelong 20.14(134) to 7.6(48). It was by far the most points scored against the Cats this year, and by far the least they themselves scored. In fact it was 73 point less than the average they normally score and 59 more than their opponents average against them. All in front of two American supporters, decked out in their Cats swag, who came ten thousand miles to see the game.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I've loved watching the Cats on Setanta and following them on various Aussie websites, but getting to hear the club song in person would have been nice. And, seeing the loss to Collingwood might not have been so bad, if they had lost another game, but they turned around and won the next 13 games they played sans Greazy and Inky, just as they had done in the 8 previous to our arrival. One thing's for sure, we won't be flying down to Oz for the finals, only to make them lose.

People of Wisconsin: Let it Go!

2008-08-27T10:30:00.003-04:00

As you well know XL and I just got back from a trip to Chicago and Milwaukee, which was fantastic. We saw 7 different baseball teams play 4 games in three different stadiums, and along the way we saw some funny people too. While there are many great people in this area of the country, there are a few stiffs too, like this guy who just can't let it go. Brett isn't a Packer anymore people! Get over it. But they can't and that is sad.

In addition to the guy you see pictured here at Miller Park, we saw a few people walking around the Brookfield Mall in Favre Jets jerseys, and quite a few more in shop windows. I can't imagine how much it must suck to lose they guy you idolized for all these years, but I can tell you that if it happened to me, I wouldn't be following him to his new home, no matter who's idea it was.

If Cal Ripken had left Baltimore in 2002 to finish out his career with Tampa, Texas or some other team, you can be damn sure I wouldn't be buying his jersey with another team. Sure, I might have still followed him, like I did with Eddie Murrary, but going out and buying another teams jersey is ridiculous. You are a fan of your team, and sometimes that means that you become overly attached to some of the players, but that doesn't excuse this type of behavior.

We had a friend in college who loved Rickey Henderson, so much so, that he rooted for which ever team Rickey was playing on at the time. As pathetic and short sighted as this plan is, at least his allegiances never changed, because his only allegiance was to Rickey and he didn't stray until Rickey hung up his spikes.

The other main reason this guy is stiff of the week is because he is wearing his football jersey tucked into his jeans. There can be no other punishment for this than immediate and painful death. Not to mention the fact that he is wearing a football jersey to a baseball game. Douche.

Stiff Of The Week: Youth Baseball League of New Haven CT

2008-08-25T21:17:00.003-04:00

This story is receiving lots of coverage so I'll keep it quick and opinionated. This 9 year old child has been ordered not to pitch by the Youth Baseball League of New Haven Connecticut. Is it because he was doctoring the ball? Perhaps he was wild and erratic and hit a lot of other kids.....or maybe he is just so good that none of the other kids can hit him. Yeah, that's the reason, the kid has talent and can throw the ball at 40 mph at age 9. He is so feared that an opposing team actually forfeited a game rather than send their players to the plate to face him.

I played Little League baseball as a child and as you would expect the talent is pretty spread out. You've got the kids who obviously have been practicing since they could hold a bat and glove and the ones who are either being forced to play or are just casually interested. There is always the one or two pitchers that you don't want to see because they throw hard or are erratic. But you still went up there and took your cuts. I can only imagine what my Dad would've said to me if I chose to not play in a game because I was afraid of another player.

What message does this teach the kids in this league anyway? If you are really good at something then you will be punished. Or does it teach that whining and being a little pussy will get you what you want in life. I can tell you from traveling the last 4 days that there are a lot of spoiled twenty something douche bags out there and you can see how they got that way. They were pandered to their whole childhood and when they didn't get their way the cried to Mommy until they got what they wanted.

The logical solution (other than just letting the kid pitch) would be to advance him to the next level although he could get shelled. Throwing 40mph against 9-11 year olds is one thing but at teenager would probably knock the cover off of it. Of course there are lawyers involved now and who knows how expensive this will end up being for everyone. More than likely the league will end up disbanding and now hundreds of kids won't get to play. Either way it's bull shit, if the kid meets the age requirement than he can play and play whatever position he wants. Otherwise there should be more specific criteria listed on the application. So Youth Baseball League of New Haven enjoy your time as Stiff of the Week on I&TSG blog!!

Miller Park: Algonquin for Baseball Heaven

2008-08-24T21:13:00.015-04:00

Greazy and I spent last night at Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers. This was the last leg of our three days, three stadiums, four ball games tour of the mid west and it did not disappoint. This ball park has everything you could possibly want in a state of the art stadium. From an amazing kids section to great views from just about any vantage points you can't go wrong. There is also a Fridays in left field that serves as the left field seats. People reserve tables to eat while the game is being played. Needless to say it would be the most expensive (and longest) meal you would ever have at a TGI Fridays restaurant.

There also was a great variety of food including a stadium secret sauce for your brat which was outstanding. The "seats" we purchased were standing room only accept in this ball park there is no designated area for you to stand. You are free to roam around the field and loge level and there are areas for standing all along. The ushers are vigilant about you not sitting in the "investment of others" which would be a seat and with the way the Brewers are playing there are few empty seats to be had anyway. Regardless, Greazy and I found a great place to stand down the 1st base line that gave us great site lines. We also found a good place out in the center field bar area for some great pictures. In the end the Brewers won, the Italian sausage lost and Greazy and I have another great memory of a great new ball park. The one big negative for this stadium is there is absolutely no mass transit available to get to it. So if you're in town to see a game and didn't rent a car expect to pay nearly $50 for round trip cab fare as that seemed to be the going rate for us. Another bonus though is the Miller Brewing company tour is about a 20 minute walk from the ball park. Greazy and I did this and found it to be worth the time, especially if you're into seeing different breweries.

Miller Time!

2008-08-24T19:46:00.006-04:00

After a day in the bleachers on the North Side and the Red Line double header the next day, XL and I took a bus north to Milwaukee to see our first game in a retractable doomed stadium. The only other indoor baseball either of us have ever seen was on a trip to Tampa with Inky and our college roommate back in 1998. This was a million times better to be sure, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

We started our day off on the Miller Brewery tour, which, while some Milwaukee residents is tantamount to climbing Everest, was quite easy. When XL and I told the concierge at our hotel that we wanted to do the Miller double she thought we were crazy. "I've never heard of anyone doing that" she said, but we found that Miller has direction cards all printed up for those who want to do the unimaginable. If you are going to Milwaukee to see the Brewers, stop by and see the brewery first, tell em Greazy sent Ys.

After our 15 minute walk to the Stadium we were struck by how tall Miller Park is. They had to make it tall to allow for the stackable roof, but the side effect is the high vaulted effect, accented by the huge wall windows beneath. Once inside, the view is that much better. The decks are short, and close to the field. All of the sight lines are excellent, and if you are there without tickets and the Brewers doing well, you may have to get standing room only like we did. If you do end up on your feet then you'll be really happy that you can see the whole park from all of those standing room areas.

The big plus to this stadium is the kids area, which you would think I wouldn't know, being as I'm a 32 year old man. But, XL and I had a good old time taking pictures with the sausage statues, the mock up ballplayers and in the giant mitt, where I played the ball. In addition to the great play area the Brewers provide an amazing array of shops, stores and eateries.

The in game experience was what you might expect from a fan base that was downtrodden for years, and has just become invigorated. There were a lot of fans in late model Brew Crew shirts, hats and jerseys who all knew their heroes well enough, Weeks, Hardy, Hart and Hall but probably couldn't tell you who was on the 1982 team. The shear amount of people in CC Sabathia jerseys show how out of touch these fans are. There is slim to no chance that he'll be there next year, but still they drop $20 on a tee shirt or $150 on a jersey.

Lucky for us the game lived up to the setting as the Brewers beet the Pirate Hookers 6-3 on a double and a homer from Ryan Braun. I hate to say it, but the only thing that was missing was a sudden and unexpected rain storm that would have forced them to close the roof to close above us. Which makes it the first time in my life I've ever prayed for rain at a ballgame.

US Cellular Sucks.....And You Know This

2008-08-22T23:18:00.004-04:00

Greazy and I left the "friendly confines" of Wrigley and the north side of town to head down to US Cellular and the ghetto south side. Before we could get to the game we had to check in to our hotel in China Town (chinky chan chan China Town) which is affordable but small. We also had a delicious Chinese meal that we are both still recovering from.

The train ride to US Cellular was interesting even though it was only one stop down. I know this cliche is over used but it was like being in that cantina in Star Wars. Once we got off the train we proceeded to the ticket office to see what we could purchase for a reasonable price. What we found out is that the word reasonable does not exist on this side of town. They were getting $45 a pop for standing room and $31 for upper level restricted view. You're probably thinking "You've gotta be shitting me XL" and I say to you "I know...". Not liking either of these options I unleashed Greazy on the few scalpers that were about. The first guy thought he was cutting us a deal by offering us seats on the lower level for $100 each. Greazy instantly said hell no and he dropped the price by $20 a ticket. That still was out of our range so we kept looking. We ran into what appeared to be a gang of scalpers that had a roll of tickets to rival a mob guys roll of Benjamins. The best we could do there was $50 a piece for tickets in the 5o0 level which again was more than we wanted to spend. So in the end we wound up back at the ticket window paying $31 each for fucking obstructed view seats. A bigger rip off has not occurred since the O's traded Erik Bedard in the off season.

Once we got into the park we found out that because a douche bag ran out onto the field a few years back and attacked a 1st base coach if you have seats in the upper level you are not allowed to go to the lower. This kind of pissed us off because Greazy and I have strict rituals we like to follow when visiting a new ball park. We decided to go up to our seats to find the obstruction was a pole that completely blocked our view of home plate. When you stop and think about it it's kind of funny but at the time we were not amused. Chris Cheliose was on hand again to throw out the first pitch and it was Elvis night so what could go wrong. As it turns out, we found out that this game has been sold out since April simply because it was Elvis night. I guess the fans on the south side must have a soft spot for the King as they had him parachute onto the field with an American flag (no I'm not kidding) and then sing the national anthem.

We spent three innings in our obstructed seats learning where the best places in China Town to get Dim Sung (apparently a breakfast delicacy) for breakfast tomorrow. We then took to walking around the upper deck for the remainder of the game so we could actually see home plate as well as the rest of the park. It really isn't much to see and while the fans here are passionate they are also bigger douche bags.

I felt like we went from the friendly confines of Wrigley to Solitary Confinement at US cellular. I mean there is a reason the White Sox where black and white with all the ex cons that attend these games. In the end the Rays played solid ball and even after having two runners cut down at the plate in the 2nd inning managed to hang on and win 9-4. I don't think Greazy and I will be going out of our way to see this park again. First of all it's way over priced, everything was a $1 more than it was at Wrigley plus the feeling that someone was going to kill me every 5 minutes was unsettling. It was however a breath taking view of the city sky line off the smoking section in left field. All in all I'd probably say this would be like seeing an Oakland Raiders game, you'll be glad you saw it but watching your back from the stadium to your car.

XL and Greazy at Wrigley: Take Two

2008-08-22T22:44:00.004-04:00

If the game XL and I saw yesterday was the quintessential National League game, then today was the exception to the rule. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. We started our day off by walking along the lake (I don't want to sound like a queer or nothing, but I find large bodies of water to be very romantic.) down to Soldier Field. There was a preseason game there last night, but we weren't willing to drop the extra cash to see J.T. O'Sullivan take on Kyle Orton, so we saw the famous gridiron by the light of day.

Once our walking tour was done, we headed back to the North Side and remarked how nice the weather was. Not for long. While walking around Wrigleyville it began to pour, and we were afraid we may miss our game one, or have it pushed into our game two, and you know how painful that can be. After about an hour of a rain delay the game got under way and we enjoyed Chris Chelious showing off the Stanley Cup and throwing out the first pitch to Eddie Vedder, which is like a non sequitur rapped up in another non sequiture. Once the game was on, we were treated to an 18 run affair in which former Oriole (and Delmarva Shorebird) Willie Harris cracked 2 dingers including a grand slam in route to a surprising Washington win.

XL and I really loved our time on the North Side, and now we are on our way to the South side to see if we can get some tickets to see a battle of first place teams, as the Sox take on the Rays. I don't know if the White Sox experience can live up, but I can't wait to complete the Chitown double header!

X.L. and Greazy do the Midwest: Part One

2008-08-21T17:33:00.005-04:00

XL and I made our way up to the North Side of Chicago today to see 134 minutes of baseball action. It was a life long dream for both of us to make a pilgramige to the third of the grand old ladies of baseball, having conquored Yankee Stadium and Fenway already. We walked all through Wrigleyville and picked up some "outside nuts" to take into the game with us. What we didn't do was buy one of the funny shirts that are for sale out on Waveland Ave, most notably the "Green Gay Fudge Packers" shirt, which was about $5 too much to buy.

The Wrigley experience is an interesting one, since there are so many people like XL and I who just want to see the great old stadium. Many of the fans seem to be from out of town, and the people from Chicagoland sometimes sound like they are more interested in drinking as much as possible while ocasionally calling out the name of one of the Cubs players and then Wooing. Then again, we were sitting in the right field bleachers, so who knows what the fans will be like tomorrow when we sit in the stadium portion.

Upon entering we saw a vender selling PBR, and we couldn't pass up on that so we picked up a couple. After downing the beers and munching on our imported nuts, we had a few dogs and a brat, covered in onions, tomatoes, mustard and some crazy bright green relish. I can't complain about the eats, or the view either. Sitting in the Wrigly bleachers is quite simply, amazing. We got to see Carlos Zambrano pitch his way to a win by going 7 innings. We also got to see a fair amount of dingers, one of which was hit by Big Z, deep into center. One of the homers, hit by the Red's Jay Bruce, went right over our heads but XL couldn't come with, so someone else got to throw it back.

In the end the Kerry Wood closed it out and the Cubs won 3-2 in a quintesential national league win: 2 hours, 16 minutes. We had a blast of a time, and now know what the Wrigley bleachers are all about from first hand experiance, not just from Ferris Bueller's Day off.

Stiff of the Week: Lil Greazy

2008-08-21T00:02:00.004-04:00

There are no words, they should have sent a poet. Sitting in my hotel room here in Chicago and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but, a rain soaked gold metal beach volleyball match. And Misty May. And Kerri Walsh. In tiny white bikinis. And obviously cold too.

Give me just a moment. Whew!

Where was I? Oh yeah the itsie bitsie, teenie weenie white translucent volleyball bikini. I think those four minute pieces of fabric should each win a gold metal. I know that they COULD play that game in board shorts and tank tops, but why? Is there any more amazing example of the female body then that of a beach volleyball player? I think not, and what went on for 45 minutes in Beijing may have bordered on porn, but it was also impressive and compelling sport. Misty and Kerri are about as dominant in their sport as anyone else has ever been. They are twice the Tiger that Tiger is, and about a million times as hot. Its a win win win win, in skimpy white bikinis, that were practically see through under the Chinese rain. Slowly dripping down those perfect abs...

Oh, Fat Tony

2008-08-20T17:17:00.003-04:00

You know it is bad in sports, when even the cars are juicing. This week Joe Gibbs Racing and Co. were fined points and suspended for their dirty dealings in the Nationwide Series. This includes Sprint series driver and all around lovable guy, Tony Stewart.

Masking horsepower with magnets makes no sense to me, but funny, I don't really see anyone being outraged over this. I guess your sport has to end in "Ing" for anyone to care. You know, like swimming, cycling, running, things like that. We sure know no one really cares if the sport ends in ball. Football players look perfectly normal, and Barry Bond's head is naturally that large. (Okay, that one may be true)

We are all so quick to call someone a cheat, as long as it doesn't mess up the line on the game. Now, how do we react to cheating in NASCAR's step-brother? Nothing. Barely a blip outside the confederate flag set. Come on sports, get real. Cheating is cheating is cheating. A sports popularity or lack there of shouldn't matter. If we care about this, then someone has to start caring about other sports too.

Magnets as performance enhancers. I always knew "The Fridge" was up to no good.

On Deck: Chicago and Milwaukee

2008-08-18T11:23:00.007-04:00

In our ever present need to cover sports first hand, XL and I are getting ready to do some road work this week. We are headed to Chicago and Milwaukee to see some baseball, but more importantly: baseball in August that counts. That's something we can't get in Baltimore these days. XL and I have been to 13 stadiums together (Oriole Park, RFK, Nationals Park, The Vet, Citizens Bank Park, Yankee Stadium, Fenway Park, PNC Park, Jacobs Field, Busch Stadim II, Kauffman Stadium and Tropicana Field) in addition to that, I have been to Shea and we both have been to Memorial Stadium. So, it is big for us to add three new ballparks to our list, and even bigger when one of them is Wrigley which is one of the crown jewles of baseball.

We will be updating the blog with pictures, impressions and notes about the games. We luck out a bit in getting to see 4 teams who are in the playoff hunt on this trip, even though we miss out on seeing CC Sabathia in Algonquin for the good land. Here is what we will see:

On Thursday at 2:20 central time we see Carlos Zambrano (12-5) take on Cincinnati at Wrigley. The Reds will throw Aaron Harang (3-13) and knowing the way baseball can work, they will somehow get a win in this game they should lose by 20.

Friday is a big day for us, as we will attempt the North Side/South Side double header. First up will be another game at Wrigley as Jason Marquis (8-7) will toe the rubber against the Washington Nationals. The Nats will send out another pitcher with a rubbish record in John Lannan- I don't know her name. Lannan? Lanolan? Like sheeps wool>- a lefty with a 6-12 mark. Just as soon as the Cubs game ends, XL and I will hop on the red line and head south to see the Sox take on the Rays in a possible playoff preview. For the Sox it will be John Danks (10-5) taking on Edwin Jackson (9-8).

After that long day in Chitown, we'll get up first thing on Saturday to take a bus to Milwaukee. Once we get settled in Beer Town USA we'll head to Miller Park to see Jeff Suppan (8-7) battle Pittsburgh's promising young righty Jeff Karstans (2-2).

Once the sun rises on Sunday we'll know a bit more about the crazy NL central race and have a good idea how bad the injury bug has effected Tampa. XL and I will also, undoubtedly, have gas, sleep deprivation and need of a bit of a break. That said, I'm sure we will have had a great time, and many new stories.

Olympic Hotness!

2008-08-17T18:51:00.002-04:00

Inky and I are surprised at how much of the Olympics we've watched over the last 9 days, but there have been some compelling story lines playing out, and then of course there has also been some hotness. While Inky gets to look at all the v shaped torsos among the swimmers, it's been a veritable hard body parade for me. From the beach volleyball to the pool and the hard wood one cant help but get... hard wood.

I was watching a semifinal game on the "beach today" and Xue Chen (top right) caught my eye. Now, I've long loved beach volleyball for Misty May and Keri Walsh, who are, in my mind, sexy as hell. Then, here comes the red Chinese invasion, in the form of Chen who is 6'2" 165 and retardedly smoking. In the pool, Aussie Stephanie Rice (left)broke up with her man before she got to Bejing, and with a body like that you can understand why, the girl just wants to have fun... and win the 200 and 400 IM. No matter where I turned I was seeing hotness, like Penny Taylor (above bottom right), who is a starting forward on the Opals, Australia's national basketball team.

The backcourt isn't too bad on the Opals either as evidenced by Erin Phillips pictured left. Phillips it on a one woman mission to get on my top 5 list as she combines spectacular play as one of the Opals guards to the fact that she was the first woman to play professional Aussie rules with boys. The backside and cute face don't hurt her case either.

And so I'll keep watching the as the athletes keep racking up golds, silvers and bronze but I'll also be watching the racks. The best part is, there is just as much male eye candy, if not more, so there is plenty for both sexes. Even better then that, it is the amount international hotties that we only get to see every 4 years making them kind of like smoking hot comets, on their orbit past us.

Stiffs of the Week: All Spanish People

2008-08-16T10:15:00.002-04:00

As I type this the US Basketball team is getting ready to take on Spain in what some people think is a golden preview. Of course the Spaniards have drawn a lot of criticism over the last week for the ad that ran in Spain showing the team all pulling their eyes back to mimic Chinese appearance. Not only did the Mens team to it, but also the women, and the tennis team. Christ! It's pretty bad when you make the American NBA guys look like choirboys, especially when you consider that Kobe raped a white chick in the ass. Allegedly...

I'd love to give the Spanish team a taste of their own medicine by mocking something about them, but as it turns out, Mexico and Puerto Rico have been doing that for two centuries now. Plus, Spain is totally devoid of anything notable to mock. When I think of Spain all I get is: Don Quixote, Spanish from "Old School", and Maximus Decimus Meridius, the Spaniard who be came a general who toppled an Emperor. My only other image of Spanish people is a slick haired Lothario who reeks of cologne and spends too much time on his personal grooming. And even that they stole from the Italians.

I Can't Stop Paying Attention!!

2008-08-13T22:15:00.004-04:00

It was reported today that Brett Favre is complaining of a "tired arm", he told reporters something to the extent of "I'm 38 so what do you expect". Favre also said that he wakes up in the morning and wonders "What the heck I'm doing" but then he remembers that he loves to play. He also admittedly hates to study which should make for an interesting first few games of the season. After all the bull shit we've been put through because of Brett Favre I don't think he is ever allowed to complain about anything again. I'm sorry your arm hurts Brett and I don't want to hear about how you're 38 now so don't expect so much. You've gotta wonder if the Jets are now crapping the bed because the I'm old excuses are already starting on the 5th practice. I mean we're not even into the regular season and he's already talking about how old he is. I can only hope that Greazy's boys show up and slap the taste out of his mouth this weekend. I know Jason Taylor has some new moves he's been dying to show.

The other stupid NFL story of note today is Chad Johnson taking the first step to changing his last name to Ocho Cinco. I think Chad Ocho Cinco has a nice ring to it, I mean Johnson is a pretty common name after all plus he could challenge his team mate T.J. Houshmandzadeh for weirdest last name on the team

Fruity Picks, Olympic Style

2008-08-13T13:21:00.003-04:00

*Am I the only one who finds it incredibly amusing (and ironic) that Amanda Beard didn't qualify for the 200m Breaststroke?

*While I appreciate the physics involved in the new Speedo swimsuit, I do miss the classic tiny one. Come on Michael Phelps, how about just for one race? (He is quite fit, no?)

*USA Baseball is in trouble if we can't get by South Korea.

*Someone needs to take Alicia Sacramone's shoe laces. That poor girl.

*Is it wrong that I still love Synchronized Swimming?

Down On the Farm

2008-08-10T09:18:00.006-04:00

XL came up to my neck of the woods this weekend to throw a few back with Inky, throw the football with me and so we could go see the future of our baseball team. We went to Bowie Maryland to see the AA Baysox take on the New Britain Rock Cats. Bowie is chock full of O's top prospects and we saw more than a few of them on display.

First and foremost we were there to see Matt Weiters, who was the O's top draft pick in the '07 draft. He is a 6-5 catcher who is about as "can't miss" as a baseball prospect ever gets. In the minors this year he is hitting over .350 including .362-9-40 in 42 games at AA. At this point there is no reason he should still be in the minors, let alone AA, so XL and I wanted to get a look at him while he was still down on the farm. I've heard from people inside the organization that there is no way he will be called up this year because it would start his free agency clock a year early, but he should be the opening day catcher next year. He was 1-5 in this game with an RBI but he also had a throwing error on a ball he should have just put in his pocket and left 4 on base.

We also got lucky that one of the O's top draft picks was on the mound for last nights game. Chris Tillman came to the O's in the robbery that was the Erik Bedard deal. Along with the CF of the future and the current closer Seattle was kind enough to give us this stud of a righthander. He is still just 20 years old, but he is tearing it up at AA. After last night he stands at 7-4 with a 3.67 ERA, while sporting 124 K's in 112.6 innings this year. He went 6 last night allowing 3 runs on 5 hits wile striking out 10, all while being one of the youngest players in the league.

We also got to see one O's prospect who, while having a good year, had a bad night. Noland Reimold is a 25 year old RF who is hitting .288-19-68 in 120 games in the middle of the Baysox order. Last night, however, he was 0-4 plus a walk, while striking out twice and leaving 7 on base. All in all it was a pretty good display of the state of the O's minor league talent, and a perfect night for baseball.

Top Reason The Pre-Season Sucks in the NFL

2008-08-07T21:35:00.003-04:00

The pre-season for the NFL is always bitter sweet. We all love to have our teams back in action and it sometimes fun to watch the position competitions. We get way to much analysis from the likes of ESPN and your local market news but at the same time it's great to have football back in the head lines....especially when you route for a baseball team that currently resides in the cellar. Listed below are the main reasons I think the pre-season sucks:

1. While watching a pre-season game the announcers always feel the need to explain that it's just a pre-season game therefore you'll see a lot of subbing in and out, mistakes, procedure penalties, and yada yada yada. What is probably more annoying is them trying to sell you on the second half by saying things like "you've probably never heard of most of these guys but this is the most important game of their life"....like I care, most of them are going to be bagging groceries next month anyway.

2. The results are never realistic. Right now, the Ravens are dominating the Patriots 16-6. This probably would not happen in the regular season. The Ravens played the tightest game of the regular season against the Pats last year but it's not likely this outcome would be typical. The problem is Tom Brady and Randy Moss didn't even suit up. Most of the Ravens key players like Ray Lewis played only a series and then there are guys like Terrel Suggs that haven't even reported to camp yet (franchise protest). Not to mention the 17 players that didn't suit up due to "injuries".

3. I think this is the main reason I don't like the pre-season: IT'S TOO FUCKING LONG!! Do these guys actually need nearly a month and a half and 4 games to get into game day shape? If they do then shame on them for slacking off in the off season. Pre-season games are a joke and it becomes worse every year. You rarely get starters in the game until the third or game and even then they might play a half. I think the players and the coaches would prefer to play meaningful games so I really hope the NFL considers dropping at least one of the pre-season games and make the season a game or so longer. I know the fans wouldn't complain and I can't imagine the players would. They already bitch about having to play in games that don't mean anything and run the risk of getting a season ending injury.

The best thing that could happen this pre-season is if Brett Favre gets into the third or fourth Jets game and gets his leg broken. Not only would that be irony for Jets fans but Favre would get a little justice for being a douche bag. As a matter of fact I think Favre has moved from stiff of the week to the official "How my ass taste" award winner for now on I&TSG.

Pack It In You Silly Bastards!!

2008-08-06T15:36:00.004-04:00

Stiffs o' the Week. It's been a busy one.

*Michael Phelps, for growing that thing on his face. Here's hoping he shaves to "cut down the resistance in the water." (although, the body is still perfect.)

*Rams/Titans, for fighting at a joint practice. So stupid, so played out, so already done by Stephen Smith.

*Phil Mickelson, for doing what he does best.

*Amanda Beard, for thinking there is anyone left who hasn't seen her business.

*XL, for misquoting our freaking Bible in a blog comment. Compelling and Rich, indeed.

When Adolf is Right, He's Right

2008-08-05T16:36:00.005-04:00

Who knew Hitler was a Packers fan? This may be the funniest thing I have ever seen, I'm still laughing:

*I just want to watch "Girls Next Door" but instead I have to check ESPN every second. Those bitches are so fine.

* We'll have our own fucking Rex Grosman in Green Bay! Well, no one is that bad, but that's not the point.

* It's ok, we can always sign Michael Vick

* Why not just go on Dancing with the Stars?

Stud(ette) of the Week: My Wife Mrs. XL

2008-08-04T22:21:00.007-04:00

You may wonder why my wife would qualify for such a high and distinguished honor. She is after all not a professional athlete or famous however what she is undertaking this week is more than most men I associate with would venture to do. She is out west hiking her way through the Sierra mountains in California. She'll reach an escalation as high as 30,000 feet where there will likely be snow. She is doing all this with a 40 pound back pack on her back carrying minimal clothing and freeze dried food (no cliff bars though) while also chaperoning 15 Girl Scout teens. The sick part is she lives for this kind of thing. I mean I think I get a good work out hiking up Greazy's steep ass stairs, there is no way in hell I'd spend 10 days hiking through mountains with bears and snakes and drastic climate changes. Lets be real, there is no way in hell I could do it, I'm way to out of shape and lack the will power to survive. My idea of vacation will be described on this site in a little more than 2 weeks when Greazy and I embark on an epic journey to Chicago and Milwaukee to see baseball stadiums and eat all kinds of bad (for you) food. So I am proud to bestow this honor on Mrs. XL and look forward to her safe return from the great blue yonder next week.

Panda Watch!!

2008-08-04T13:04:00.004-04:00

We here at I&TSG are dedicated to breaking news and bringing you exclusives. We have Brett Favre's entire itinerary since he landed in Green Bay last night. Our on-site reporters found it in the trash. Please to enjoy.

10pm: Land at airport, and greet adoring fans. Sign autographs and nod politely at yokels who came to watch a plane land.

11pm: Pick up Deanna from scrimmage. Listen to her bitch about being left alone in a skybox at a scrimmage.

12am: Hit the sack. (Before brushing teeth, stare into mirror and remember that everyone is super-psyched about my return to football. Assures self that they will forget all about those tears and sentimental musings at that press conference.)

12:30am: Sleep the sleep of the righteous and overpaid.

7:00am: Wake up and get out of bed slowly, so as not to injure self on way to bathroom.

8:00am: Meet with management and coaches to figure out the best way to tell Aaron Rodgers he has to hold a clipboard for another season.

9:00am: Console offensive line who are reduced to tears at the very sight of me.

10:00am: Pretend to run drills, while really glad-handing and mugging for the camera.

11:00am: Drink some Gatorade while "stretching."

12:00pm: Press Conference where justifications will be swallowed like chocolate cupcakes.

1:00pm: Leave camp and chill at the hotel. Spend afternoon remembering why football is so great.

M.V.C

2008-08-03T23:28:00.004-04:00

Are you ready for what passes for football in August? If so, I'm sure you were watching the Hall of fame game from Canton Ohio tonight. The Redskins topped the Peytonless Colts 30-16 in a game that in no way tells us what either of these teams will do in the regular season. The whole weekend had a very Burgundy and Gold feel to it as the Hall of Fame threw open it's doors for former Skins greats Darrell Green and Art Monk, who should have been inducted 8 years ago, but I digress.

As for the game, when Al Michaels wasn't referring to #81 as Monkey, it was about as boring as you would expect. That is, until the Skins sent out the third of the four QBs they would use on the night. With all do respect to all the guys in Blue and White, the best Colt on the field tonight was Colt Brennan who was 9/10 for 123 yards and two TDs with the Third string. His passes were crisp and right on target and he seamed calm enough in the pocket to whip his cock out in front of a college coed. Looks like the skins have found the guy who will stand by with a backup clip board for Todd Collins!

We're One Week From The Olympics.....Do You Care?

2008-07-31T22:27:00.003-04:00

I've gotta say that there is absolutely no chance that I will watch any of the summer Olympics unless somehow baseball is televised. I don't know what it is but I could care less if the USA wins gold medals in gymnastics or sprints, or whatever the fuck else we compete in. I don't care about the basketball team that will inevitably disappoint even though they've played together as a team much longer than previous iterations. I love Coach K but I really doubt that this team will be focused, after all I'm pretty sure Nike and Reebok have slave factories in China that the likes of Lebron and his cronies will want to check out.

Michael Phelps is a local boy from MD but I don't care if he drowns trying to break another record. I guess the point is I don't really watch any of these sports anyway so why the hell do I care what happens every four years. The funny thing is most people only tune in to the opening and closing ceremonies and watch what will be the God awful Bob Costas wrap up show. The good thing about the summer games is at least they happen during a time where good TV shows aren't interrupted. So keep the torch lit and enjoy pissing and shitting in a hole if you have actually taken the time to go to China to eat the Kung Pao and watch the games.

...and a douche nozzle to be named later

2008-07-31T13:24:00.002-04:00

I'm hard pressed to say who would be getting the worse end of a Favre for Manny deal. One thing is for sure, I'm sick of hearing about both of them. They are both getting very close to "how my ass taste?" territory, and are each already in the running for stiff of the year consideration. Favre's transgressions are way worse, when you factor in the reality that 4 months ago it was pretty much a universal thought that he was an all around great guy and now most of us would like to shoot him in the nuts with a potato gun. Manny has always been a psycho Prima donna.

Counting the Days

2008-07-30T16:37:00.003-04:00

How long until September? The O's fell 13-3 in their game today, missing out on a chance to sweep the Yankees. No matter how much I liked seeing them kick the shit out of Mike Mussina the other night, one thing is true. It's hard for me to get very excited about the O's these days. There are two many guys who roll over into a double play in a big situation, and too many pitchers who just can't get into the late innings.

I do think my interest in the O's will get a lot more pointed very soon, either in September or next April when Matt Wieters pulls on his #32 Orioles Jersey. Since being called up to AA the O's #1 prospect hasn't disappointed. In 31 games he is hitting .350-6-26 and has walked (18) more than he has struck out (16). in 69 games at single A, he hit .345-15-44, giving him totals for the year between Bowie and Frederick of .347-21-66 in 329 at bats over 100 games. I love this kid.

I don't think he's the next Albert Pujols or anything, but he isn't far away from that based on his numbers, and he previous success in college. Bring on '09!

Stiff of the Week: Fat lil Giuliani

2008-07-28T15:15:00.004-04:00

Who remembers Rudy Giuliani's 1994 mayoral inauguration? Not ringing a bell? How about the Saturday Night Live depiction of it that stared Chris Farley as the Mayor's then 7 year old son, Andrew? Now you're remembering. Well as it turns out, that little fat kid went on to enroll at Duke University where he hoped to become... a pro golfer. (See, it is sports related)

As it turns out, Andy wasn't much of a golfer, in addition to being a pretty huge douchbag. So the new golf coach at Duke kicked him off the team, and Andy responded by doing what any child of privilege does when things don't go his way: he took it like a man and looked for another school in which to enroll. Naw, just kidding, he totally sued to get back on the team at Duke.

The thing is, none of his teammates, including his roommates, wanted to save him from being kicked off the team, but he has a great answer for that, he says the coach pressured them and they succumbed to wanting him gone to make another spot on the team for him. That seems like an odd motivation when you learn that Fat Andy's scoring average last season was 74.5 strokes, which was 12th on the team. So I guess that aspiration to be a pro golfer was already derailed before you got thrown off the team for being a d-bag, huh Fat Andy?

Evans Falls Short

2008-07-27T20:10:00.004-04:00

The champagne has been drunk, the Tour is finished, and again this year, Cadel Evans stands on the podium. Just not in the spot we all thought he would be. For the second year in a row, the Aussie rider came in second place, this time behind Spain's Carlos Sastre.

This year's favorite had his chance to take back the yellow jersey in a late tour time trial. But, instead, he faltered. Much has been made of Evans' lack of ability to handle pressure. Maybe all that is true. But, in the grueling three week race, anything can happen. This year was marred again by drugs scandals, right up to the last day when a Kazak rider was discovered right after the trip down the Champs-Elysees. (Damn Borat!!)

Still, it was a good ride, and the cycling world has a lot to be positive about, and I don't mean drug tests. For America, there is Christian Vandevelde, a promising young rider who in years to come could be our next Lance. Back in Oz, Stuart O'Grady was a member of Sastre's team and got to take part in the glory of riding to Paris with the winner.

So, the Tour ends for another year. Another year for Cadel Evans to think about what went wrong, and how good it felt to wear the yellow jersey in stages 10-14.

Who knows? Maybe next year will be his year. Or maybe not. I know I'll be watching to find out.

FOUL!! Wait . . .TWO FOULS!!!

2008-07-23T15:17:00.004-04:00

Now, I'm not a huge fan of Danica Patrick, but I felt it was time to say something about all these so called "issues" she seems to have. It seems a day doesn't go by that the media isn't showing her stomping off because she lost, or getting into it with this driver or that one. Recently, it was fellow woman driver, Milka Duno. Cries of cat fight aside, I find this whole thing ridiculous. People only care because she is a woman. Tony Stewart has been in slap fights with damn near everyone in racing, but he's not given heat for it. His fat ass gets a pass because of one reason, and one reason only. A dong.

The double standard in sports is as important as the hyperbole and the stats put together. If women's sports were ever truly legitimized, then we might have to start to feel icky about putting them on magazine covers in bikinis. Lord knows it would be icky if it were Tiger Woods. But no one seems to mind when it's Natalie Gulbis. Golf Magazine had a poll to find the Top 10 golf babes. Something tells me Rocco Mediate wasn't on that list. Roger Federer never graced the cover of SI clutching a pillow, but Anna Kornakova sure did.

If women's sports were taken seriously we'd have to stop thinking about them in terms of vaginas and start thinking about them in terms of how good they are at their game. Without the means to objectify them and make them something other than real athletes, nobody knows how to talk about it. Sure, she can play, but she looks like a dyke. Sure, she can play, but she couldn't ever be as good as a man.

The latest in the long line of bullshit is the fight that took place between the LA Sparks and the Detroit Shock. God forbid women get pissed off and show it just like men. Maybe it was because Candice Parker didn't jump into the crowd or choke out her coach. Maybe that is why men don't seem to get it. For whatever the reason, people are shocked by the fact that in women's team sports, emotions can run just as high as in men's.

I think it is a great first step. That's right, get into it ladies. Stop acting like you are trying to win a beauty contest. Fuck being a roll model. Girls need to see that defending yourself and a teammate is a good thing. Not just something women do because it's fun for guys to watch. I say fight on sisters. Fight because you want to, and if someone makes that fucking cat noise at you, kick him in the nuts!

I Won't Make a Dancing Pun...

2008-07-22T08:23:00.002-04:00

So the Washington Redskins got a stud DE to replace a fallen DE, and all it cost them was two draft picks. Sure, in the hands of the Tuna that 2nd rounder can turn into a perennial all pro, but you have to think about the impact Jason Taylor will have on the Skins D. After having made the playoffs twice in the last three years with no pass rush to speak of, Taylor is a quantum leap in that area. His presence will also mean more chances for outside linebackers to get into the backfield. In addition to his impact on the gridiron (which should be much augmented thanks to his change of venue) Taylor is a fan's dream for his off field and PR impact. Here is a very good looking guy who could give a great speech if he ran for Senate, and lets just say the ladies love cool Jay too.

Statue-worthy?

2008-07-21T14:39:00.006-04:00

First things first: I love Harold Baines. If someone told me that the number 3 was being retired by the Orioles I would have no problem with that. I loved watching Harold hit (except when he couldn't get a runner home from third with less than two outs vs Cleavland in the '97 ALCS, but I digress) and it never hurt his case at Camden Yards that he was a native Marylander. We had Brady Anderson- who was born in MD- Harold, Billy and of coarse Cal. It added a nice touch to a team that was on the rise and needed a professional hitter in the middle of the line up. HB was that player.

Of course he is equally loved on the South Side of Chicago, where he played for 11 plus years with the Sox. The story goes that Bill Veeck first scouted HB as a 12 year old little leaguer on the Eastern Shore. When the Sox got the first over all pick of the '77 draft they jumped at the chance to take Baines and he delivered for them, starting in 1980. For his career he hit .289 with 384 home runs and 1628 RBI. (with the O's he was .301-107-378 in 666 Games) He was also remarkably clutch (again, save for that ALCS game when Mussina struck out 17 and got a no decision) and had just about as sweet a swing as you ever saw.

With all that said, I ask: Is Harold Baines statue-worthy? The White Sox seem to think so, and they unveiled the monument yesterday. If there is a statue to HB at Comisky, then why not at Camden Yards? He played for 5 teams, but other than the Sox he spent the most time with the birds, having spent 5 1/2 years in orange and black. What is the cut off? The O's had Reggie Jackson for two thirds of a season, so can we retire his number and give him a statue?

The only thing I do know is that the O's have a particular statue deficiency. The only likeness outside of Camden Yards is of a Yankee for crying out loud, albeit a Yankee from Baltimore. Why isn't Brooks outside of the third base entrance? Why isn't Eddie outside of the first base entrance? Why isn't Frank standing proudly on the other side of Eutaw St. from the Babe, so he can be near right field? I guess it all comes down to who you think is statue-worthy.

Let Me Axe You A Question....

2008-07-19T15:36:00.005-04:00

That question is why are there professional football players getting injured with an axe? It doesn't happen every year but the fact that any pro athlete is side lined by getting hit with an axe is a little disturbing. The latest victim is Josh McCown the would be starter of the hapless Miami Dolphins. Turns out while he and younger brother Luke were cutting fire wood at his residence in Jacksonville, Texas Luke, who was holding the log got his right index finger chopped. He needed 6 stitches and with training camp around the corner who knows if he'll be in any shape to compete for the job in Miami.

I have to ask first, who the hell is chopping fire wood in July....in Texas? Second, you are a professional athlete and even though you don't make the big money you should certainly be able to afford to heat your house without need of fire wood. Or at least be able to pay someone to chop it for you right? I also have to wonder about the technique used in this accident. The thought of holding a log while someone else swings an axe at it seems pretty crazy. Did Josh draw the short straw or were he and brother Luke sipping on a little bit of grandpa's cough syrup? Either way this is one of the more bizarre accidents in sports that has to rank up there with the punter in Jacksonville swinging an axe at a stump and hitting his own leg to Jeff Kent breaking his arm washing his truck (or whatever he claimed to be doing). I guess if nothing else this gives the Dolphins more reason to attempt to trade for my extended stiff of the week Brett Favre!

The Curse Continues

2008-07-16T15:21:00.003-04:00

I guess we know how the Madden Curse will manifest itself this year, huh? The cover jinx is in its 10th year now, and last year branched out into a second language as Luis Castillo of Whale's Vagina became the first "Spanish Edition" cover boy, only to see his production fall off by a mile. I guess Brett signed on to be the cover boy when he thought he was goin' fishin' but now he's trying to come back, and funny enough, it's not going well. Jinx!

Stud of the Week Cadel Evans

2008-07-15T13:18:00.004-04:00

Is there anything the Aussies can't do? Well if cycling was on that list, it isn't now. Aussie rider Cadel Evans recovered from a crash on Sunday which literally tore part of his pants off to take the overall lead in the Tour de Freedom. Inky tells me that just donning the Yellow Jersey once in your career is a big deal, let alone having a chance to win the whole thing, which Evans does. Good on ya Cadel! I'm happy for you, even if you did cry like a little girl when they gave you the yellow blouse and the stuffed lions. Oh, sick burn!

Stiff Of The Week: Brett Favre

2008-07-12T10:24:00.004-04:00

I know, I'd have never thought I'd have Brett Favre as a stiff of the week either. I mean the guy is lovable enough for sure. He's set all time marks in one of the most legendary football towns in the US on one of the most sacred of fields. His team is probably the smallest market professional team in sports yet they are one of the most well known. The kicker, he was addicted to pain killers early in his career and he's such a good player and all around guy that somehow no one remembers that. He had a season to remember last year and was a field goal away from going to the Super Bowl. It was in all a magical career for Brett Favre with a Super Bowl ring and consistent trips to the play offs. When he retired at the end of the season it was to a media circus and you would've thought he was Jesus reincarnated into a quarter back. So why oh why would I name such a stand out guy a stiff of the week?

Well lets fast forward about 6 months to the present. The Packers have moved on with Aaron Rodgers who should finally get a chance to show what he can do. He was after all one of the most highly touted rookies three years ago and has done little more than hold a clip board since being drafted while his small handed "better" Alex Smith has been a bust in San Fran. Now Brett Favre is asking to be re-instated by the NFL and then to be immediately released by the Packers. Favre is upset because the Pack didn't jump for joy at the news that he has reconsidered and wants to play again.....again. Who could blame Green Bay management, I mean we're less than a month from training camp, Rodgers has been practicing as the starter in mini camp and the team had moved on. They even cleaned out the sacred locker that was at one point referred to as "more than just a locker" by coach Mike McCarthy. So Favre wants a no strings attached release where he can go play wherever he wants. I'm sure there are plenty of teams that would love to have him, namely the Vikings or the Bears. Can you imagine what that would be like this season? Number 4 charging into Lambaugh Field playing for the other team, especially a hated rival....it's almost sacrilegious.

Brett, you've had a good run and you helped bring the Packers back to relevance after years and years of losing. When I had no team to watch because of the city of Indianapolis and a shit owner I adopted you and your team. I watched you improve, and go through your addiction, to ultimately winning a championship. I even own your jersey which is remarkable considering I don't own anything but Baltimore/Washington gear. You've had a hell of a career and you went out pretty much on top of your game. As I'm typing this John Clayton is saying Baltimore would be a good destination for Favre and I am hard pressed to disagree although I'd rather not see it happen. It would be like Joe Montana in Kansas City or Johnny U. in San Diego, a bastardization of a great player playing in the wrong colors.

Bases Loaded, Two Outs, Up by 3. Who you Gonna Call?

2008-07-11T09:01:00.004-04:00

Outman, that's who! Inky and I met up with her family in Reading Pennsylvania last night to take in some minor league baseball and saw a doozie. The Philles sent 12 men to the plate in the first and scored 9 runs. But, this is the minors and no lead is safe and the Erie Sea Wolves started to chip away, scoring a crap load of their own runs. So, when all seemed lost and when the fate of the fireworks display hung in the balance the Phillies called on that Hero of a Hurler, the Caped Curveballer, the Masked Major Leaguer in waiting... Outman! Josh Outman that is.

I was sorry to see that all Philles manager P.J. Forbes did to summon him to the mound was tap his left forearm. I was hoping for a big bat signal like K that would shine on the outfield advertising wall. To make matters worse, when he did come to the mound he was just wearing the standard baseball uniform. No cape? No tights? No utility belt with objects to doctor the ball?

What a rip off! With a name like Outman you have got to play that up. Hell, this kid should be a closer, and use the batman theme music as he slides to the mound on a zipp line. That would kick ass, so much so that I wouldn't even care if he actually got outs. Sometimes your name fits your personality and sometimes it doesn't. Lets hope that the latter is true with another of the Phillies pitchers: Antonio Bastardo.

If Tennis Were Like This More, I'd Watch More

2008-07-10T23:13:00.003-04:00

Sure the Wimbledon Final was amazing and all, but if this went on more often at tennis matches, I think we'd all watch more. Jelena Jankovic is just inches away from being qualified to be a contestant on Playboy TV's Foursome here. Good on her...

Mystery Solved

2008-07-10T22:12:00.003-04:00

It looks like the "mystery" of George Sherril has been solved by the majority of Major League Baseball teams playing the Orioles. Tonight Sherril and the O's bullpen as a whole allowed the Blue Jays to complete a sweep in the Rogers Center. It should be noted that in two of these three games the O's led for all but the bottom of the 9th and the rubber game would've been a win if we could've not allowed inherited runners to score. We also lost 2 out of 3 to the Texas Rangers over the weekend because the bull pen all of a sudden can't get anyone out.

It's amazing how Sherril can be so dominant up until the O's played the Pirates at home in June. In that series he blew two saves then went on to blow more saves against the Nats. He complained of dead arm in mid June which should have been a warning to manager Dave Trembley that this guy is not the long term answer to the closer problem. I mean how the hell do you have "dead arm" before the mid way point of the season? I know he got a huge save against the Cubs in Wrigley after he loaded the bases with no outs but to not be able to perform night in and night out is not acceptable.

What is worse is he is ruining his trade value which a month ago was sky high. I'll even admit to telling Greazy that the O's would be crazy to trade him. After the last three weeks I rescind that remark. I'm also sorry he's our lone representative to the All Star game. I mean guys like Brian Roberts, Aubrey Huff, and Nick Markakis are far more deserving and have been more than a three month wonder in their career.

With the loss tonight the Birds fall two below .500 with three to go in Boston. My bet is we'll finish the first half at 5 under .500 with a dismal outlook going into the home stretch. This is a real shame because for the most part the O's have been fun to watch this year. The timely hitting is there and the never say die attitude is prominent but when you can't close the deal it's all for nothing.

Big Time Indeed

2008-07-09T22:22:00.004-04:00

There were somethings that Inky, XL and I gave up when we chose to go to a DIII school, and being big time in athletics was one of them. In the 90's at least. We had a few teams that made a ripple, but for the the most part we were unknown. Fast forward to the fall of 2004 when a 6-7 freshman forward came to our little campus and some of that began to change.

We went to the final four with that freshman that year as he helped a group of upperclassmen come together as a great team. Together they made it back to the NCAA tournament the next year and put together a 53-8 record over the two years. We were ranked all year long, and people who knew DIII knew York College. Then the soccer team stepped up to national prominence, at one point ranked number one in the country and we had a wrestler win back to back national titles.

We were getting put on the map, but it wasn't like big time college sports. That is, not till last August when that young freshman forward -now a senior captain- was arrested for assault in an off campus beating of another student. Next thing you know he was suspended for two games, a penalty that seemed small at the time, but which ultimately lead to him missing out on setting the school and conference all time scoring record. Not to mention the fact that with him alone, the team went 34-18 and didn't make the NCAA's, even though he was scoring 20 points a night.

The jury in his trial is now deadlocked, trying to decide if they should find him guilty or believe his younger brother who said he did it, and was convicted in juvenile court. Headlines at last! I think I'd like to go back to the good old days of a low profile 8-18, thank you.

Nice Hat, Does it Come with a free bowl of soup?

2008-07-06T21:14:00.004-04:00

"It looks good on you though."If you happend to watch a major league baseball game this weekend you probably noticed something strange about the hats the teams were wearing. In honor of the birth our nation, and to benifit the the Welcome Back Veterans fund, all MLB teams sported caps that had the team symbol overlaying the flag. Now I'm not a gun toating nut who finger-bangs my step daughter in the back of the trailor while my wife is working at Hooters, so I don't see the need to be over the top about my love of my nation. I love it by doing little things like voting, paying attention and understanding what democracy really is. What I don't do is wear a flag pin or display a "love it or leave it" bumper sticker, sue me.

So naturaly I think this display of forced, P.R. driven patriotism is aweful. Add to that the fact that MLB is selling these caps on their website for $34.99 and it is a total train wreck. Really? 35 bucks for this shitty hat? It's not like they even look good, because all the teams had to have the same color and the stars and stripes inside the teams symbols looks contrived and downright terible. The only thing that could make this situation worse is making the leagues loan team from Canada wear one of these hats with their own flag in it, dispite the fact that it is not one of their national holidays. What's that? Oh, shit:

DOG OFF!!!!

2008-07-04T13:05:00.003-04:00

It's July 4th in America so what's more patriotic then watching a bunch of jack asses shove as many hot dogs into their faces over a 10 minute period? Do other countries do this kind of stuff when they celebrate their independence (or some other form of patriotic day)? Just minutes a go my wife and I witnessed the first ever "dog off" in the nearly 100 year history of the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. Joey "I've got high cholesterol" Chestnut held off Takeru "I love wieners" Kobayahi to win the mustard belt for the second consecutive year. Both eaters were tied at 59 dogs at the end of the regulation 10 minute eating period. Once the crumbs were settled the judges decided to go to a 5 dog eat off. Whichever competitor could wolf down their 5 dogs first would walk away with not only the coveted mustard belt but also the title of world's greatest hot dog eater. Chestnut started out quickly eating 3 of his 5 but Kobayahi was able to eat two at a time to take a 4-3 lead. Seeing his dreams falling before him Chestnut reached deep within himself to finish his 5th dog a half second before the Samurai of tube steak could swallow his keeping America's title where it belongs.

This is the first year I've ever watched this event and what is more impressive is how many people actually go to this. There were thousands of people plus ESPN there. What is great is listening to the announcers refer to this as a sport and speculate that if Kobayashi loses he would have to retire because being the world's best hot dog eater is all he has. I've gotta tell you, if I get to a point in my life where something like being the best at eating a type of food is all I have Greazy can kick me in the nuts and put me out of my misery. All in all though it was an entertaining 15 minutes and has caused me to rethink grilling any hot dogs today cause watching that shit is nasty!

A Mixed Bag of Whores

2008-07-03T10:01:00.009-04:00

There are a few things going on in sports that I want to comment on. That is to say, each of these things are important enough to me to write a few sentences about in this post, rather than taking the time to devote a whole post to them. So I guess I don't care all that much, but here goes.

1)If Brett Favre comes back to the NFL, he should be shot in the testicles with a potato gun. I know that seams excessive, but I think it would be a shitty thing to do. Why is it that hundreds of other very high level athletes have been able to handle the end of their careers so well, but, Brett has been tripping over it for the last 3 or 4 years. I like Brett, but I think he needs to get a hobby or start banging a 23 year old. He'll forget about football real quick.

2)People have to stop bemoaning the move of the Sonics to Oklahoma City. Is the system broken? Yes, it is. We live in a world where a team owner can up and move to another city, with the full blessing of his commissioner, if the home city doesn't build them a 400 million dollar arena and provide him with four 23 year old Russian whores to be his harem. It happened in Charlotte and they got a team back, and at least Seattle will get to call their next shitty team by the same name.

3)Red Sox fans must remember what they were like 5 years ago and stop giving Tampa Fans (the few of them who go to games) a hard time for being pumped about being in first place. "It's only July 3rd" they say, but when you've never won (or haven't won since 1918) you have to take what you can get. During the Yankees dynasty, Sox fans acted the same way when they would have a lead in the AL East, and Yankees fans would tell them "we'll be in first when the season ends." Now, the tables are turned, and the Sox fans have replaced Yankee fans as the worst in baseball, and frankly they are acting like a bunch of 23 year old whores. Congrats, Go Rays.

4)Lastly, if Alex Rodriguez is really separating from his wife then it should be for a 23 year old skanky whore, not for a 50 year old talentless whore. For a guy who's worth a half a billion bucks, and is what some people consider good looking he sure picks strange dalliances. Remember the whole "stray-rod" thing from last year? Just another example of A-Rod striking out when the pressure was highest.

How Baseball Killed our Patriotism

2008-07-02T12:59:00.006-04:00

It is that time of year again. The time when you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a fireworks stand, or walk two feet without seeing a sign for fireworks displays. I think I speak for everyone here at I&TSG when I say, WE FUCKING HATE FIREWORKS!!

Why, you ask? It seems an extreme opinion of something so iconicly American. Especially coming from three sports-loving-all-Americans like us. Well, there is only one answer; one explanation for this visceral reaction. Baseball did it.

About 10 years ago, the three of us were spending our summer toiling away at minor league baseball stadiums. Baseball really is America's past time. And, like historical America, it adheres to a strict policy of slave labor to save money. The "paid" intern. If you want to call it pay. You get literal peanuts to work 8-18 hour days, do demeaning tasks, and you are supposed to love it. The idea is that, if they like you, you can get a full time job out of this internship. So, then you can get underpaid a little better to do the same thing. Fun, right?

In addition to the number of crazy, stupid, ridiculous, and downright retarded things we all had to do that summer, there was one thing that changed us forever. Every Thursday and Saturday nights were fireworks nights. A beautiful display would go up into the warm summer night sky and wow the crowd, usually to a Star Wars soundtrack. Then afterwards, everyone would pile the kids in the car and head home. But, not us.

You see, to all you people out there who don't know, fireworks leave behind debris. Big pieces of smoking and charred paper. And, if the wind blew just right, this shit would land all over the precious grass of the field. Guess who had to clean it up? That's right. Interns. There is only so much magic that fireworks can have after doing something like that. The only possible exception would be New Year's in Sydney, Australia. Then we might be able to endure.

So, while you are all out celebrating the 4th, and watching those fireworks, think of us here at I&TSG, cringing with every colorful explosion. God Bless America!!

Oh, Cousin Floyd!

2008-06-30T16:50:00.003-04:00

In the interest of full disclosure, Floyd Landis is not actually my cousin. This was a name we gave him years and years ago, before he was anyone, as my unmarried name is Landis. There is no evidence that he is related to my clan. My family didn't raise a bunch of cheats. I've never needed synthetic testosterone. I get mine the old fashioned way. (wink wink)

But, I have to say, Floyd has disappointed me. I wanted to believe him so much when all the shit with the Tour de France went down. I wanted to believe it was all sabotage, but that is terribly unlikely. So, I'll just have to accept the fact that my (non) cousin is a damned cheater, just like many before him. Cycling is a great sport, and it is a shame that this kind of thing keeps people from watching. Because it is awesome, and yes, it is something you could never do. No matter how many times you took your banana seat down to the malt shop.

So, check out the Tour when it starts in a few days. The favorite this year? Cadel Evans, a fine Aussie looking for the country's first win. Good luck to him, and all others who ride clean. I know Phil Liggett and I will be watching. You should too.

He Just Couldn't Take it!

2008-06-30T11:51:00.002-04:00

The fallout from Georgia's loss to Fresno State just keeps piling up. After the humiliating defeat -which if you watch ESPN, you know was the equivalent of a 14 or 15 seed winning it all, a fact they wouldn't stop talking about- the University has taken another shot on the chin. Long beloved mascot Uga, was so distraught about the loss that he decided that he was going to end it all. Thought published reports say that Uga VI died due to congestive heart failure, we know better. Sources say that he was so lost over the baseball teams inability to beet the bulldogs from the west, that he knocked over owner Sonny Seiler's trash and ate some chocolate to do himself in.

Uga VI lead a tough life, as he was never able to step out of the shadow of his much more famous father and grandfather. Uga V, was in the Movie "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" and Uga IV attended the Heisman presentation when Herschel Walker won in 1982.

Uga VI will be burryed in a shoebox, in the back yard of a Georgia booster, rather then outside the stadium as custom normaly would dictate. The change of interment arangements is due to the shamfull way that he took his own life.

New Sport: Ghosting

2008-06-28T09:25:00.002-04:00

With XL coming to Y-town this weekend, I think it may be time for us to compete in a new sport that's sweeping the nation. Something tells me that Inky will be the best at this game, but sadly, I also know that there's a good chance that one of us might get our ass beet.

On Tap: Weiters Weekend

2008-06-27T08:55:00.003-04:00

Never let it be said that we don't go the full mile to cover sports here at Inky and the Sports guys. This weekend the team is coming together (we really think it's special when we all come at the same time) so we can cover some sports live. The Orioles top prospect, Matt Weiters, got his call up from Frederick to Bowie last night, and so we are heading down to Prince Georges Stadium to see him in person. We would have seen him in Frederick, but Harry Grove stadium is a shit hole, in addition to being a funny euphemism for a vagina, so we passed.

Weiters should be in the bigs as the O's starting catcher next year, and to that end he's been living up to all the hype in the minors. At Frederick he hit .345 with 15 Homers and 40 RBI in 69 games. (huh huh huh, I typed 69) He walked 44 times while striking out 47 in his 229 at bats. Now all he needs to do is hit in the .310 to .320 range at Bowie, and still hit for power and we'll know he's more Mark Teixeira than Jason Werth.

Check back on Sundy for a full report on the game.

Australian Football, American Revolution

2008-06-26T10:10:00.001-04:00

It’s nice to see that someone has stepped up and made a documentary about the US National footy team, and their quest to go to the MCG and win the International Cup. Footy is a game that can capture the interest of anyone, not just ex-pat Aussies and those who grew up seeing it on ESPN. There are guys all over the US who play on teams in their towns, from Baltimore and Philly to Milwaukee and Denver. The best of these players will get together to make up the American Revolution, a team that will travel to Melbourne to try and win a tournament featuring guys from all around the world. I say: Go the Revo’s!

For more info: http://www.usfooty.com/usfooty/

Hey Sk8er Boi, How My Ass Taste?

2008-06-25T13:30:00.003-04:00

http://view.break.com/525981 - Watch more free videos

We here at Inky and the Sports guys have been handing out the "Stiff of the Week" award for years, dating back to the radio show we did in college. I've decided to take it in a new direction, and will award a stiff of the week award when warranted, but will also hand out the "How My Ass Taste" award to those who just got their shit punked. This kid is the first winner. I'll think of this every time I see a bunch of douche nozzles skateboarding and not landing any tricks.

What If???

2008-06-24T22:12:00.006-04:00

I'm sure by now we've all seen the clip of Shaq "free style rapping" at some party asking "Kobe how my ass taste?". Shaq being the grown up that he is was "just having some fun" with the fact that Kobe couldn't win a championship without him on the team. Shaq after all was able to win another one in Miami without Kobe. Now if anyone knows about ass and how it taste it's Kobe lets be real but what if other stars acted this way.

Imagine Michael Jordan reacting this way to Scottie Pippen's failure to lead the Bulls to anything relevant after his first retirement. I'm pretty sure Jordan has never "free style rapped" in his life but it would've probably been pretty funny. Steve Young could do a Mormon chant about how Elvis Grbac was never able to lead the 9'ers after he left. Hell Tiger Woods could record a jazz song about every other golfer. You just don't see it though. Kobe and Shaq had a long history of ups and downs and just when you thought they might "remain boys" Shaq ask him how his ass taste. Oh well, I guess Kobe gets the last laugh because Shaq lost his "badge" at the Maricopa county sheriff's department. I hear he also is going to have to eat a green bologna sandwich and wear pink underwear for a week as punishment....

It's All About The Hair??

2008-06-22T15:26:00.005-04:00

The Orioles surprisingly good season has continued into the weekend with a sweep of the Astros and the chance to take a series from the Milwaukee (Algonquin for the good land) Brewers. Previous to that they concluded a 5-1 home stand that included the sweep of the Astros as well as a winning series against the butt Pirates. If you ask Kevin Millar why the team has been playing so well of late he'll tell you it's because he died his hair mostly blond.

We all laugh at superstitious baseball players who believe changing things like hair or the way they get dressed makes them better. I also realize that Millar is kidding but it's funny that he suggested that the rest of the team follow his lead and get the blond high lights too. One of the features of a MASN broadcast is a behind the scenes with one of the players. They've highlighted Freddie Bynum and Matt Albers among others. What is funny to me though is the majority of our bull pen are good ol' boys. Jamie Walker and Jim Johnson in particular so you can imagine what they'd say to dying their hair. My bet is they'll pull a line from Brad Paisley's newest song entitled I'm still a guy. The line goes "I don't highlight my hair, I've still got a pair yeah honey I'm still a guy."

So I don't think we'll be seeing a bunch of Oriole players with blond hair, after all Adam Jones and Freddie Bynum would probably end up looking like Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man. As I type the game is 4- 3 Brewers with Olson on the mound. The O's haven't won a game on Sunday in over two months so maybe this Sunday is the one we'll get back in the win column (as said by Joe Angel).

Trying to avoid getting pregnant? Try Carl Yastrezmski.

2008-06-21T20:59:00.003-04:00

Things really have changed since I took health class in high school. We learned about condoms, the pill, the rhythm method, pulling out (not kidding) and abstinence. We did not learn how to use an 18 time Boston Redsox All Star left fielder to prevent pregnancy. But alas, I keep seeing commercials advertising how you can use Carl Yastrezemski, or Yaz, to avoid getting knocked up.

Who knew? I knew he was the last guy to hit for the triple crown, back in the impossible dream team year of '67. I knew that he stepped right in to replace Ted Williams and as such made for one of the best tandem of players at one position, but I didn't know that, when taken daily, Carl Yastrzemski could prevent pregnancy, help clear up acne, and give you a shorter and lighter period.

Now that's a hall of famer!

260?

2008-06-19T11:35:00.003-04:00

A buddy and I went to the ballpark last night to watch a little independent baseball, and I got to see some old familiar faces. As an O's fan there are a lot of our former players in the Atlantic League, like Keith Reed, Jay Gibbons, Eric DuBose, Ivanon Coffie and Val Majewski. Hell, even Long Island's Pete Rose Jr. was an O's farm hand way back in the day.

Last night I got to watch two former O's prospects who were supposed to have been regulars in Baltimore years ago. Pitching for the Rev's was Aaron Rakers and DHing for the Bluefish was none other than Calvin Pickering. Pick was the main reason the O's let Rafael Palmeiro go after the '98 season, with the Birds thinking he was on the way to anchor 1B at Camden Yards for years to come. That was a big mistake, as Palmeiro went on to post numbers of .283 214 HR and 608 RBI in his next five years in Texas, while Pickering just got bigger. Real big, like: have to be cut out of your house or wash yourself with a rag on a stick big.

As he strode to the plate at Sovereign Bank Stadium last night I did a triple take on the program, which lists him at 6'5" 260. Trust me, I know from fat, I am fat and Calvin Pickering hasn't been 260 since the 8th grade. I am 6'1" 270 and I could live comfortably in a pair of Pick's pants. He is every bit of four bills if he's an ounce. This guy's jersey number could be in the 4 digits without wrapping around to the sides. "Now batting, the DH, Number 1163: Calvin Pickering.

Not that Pick's tremendous weight is stopping him from putting up numbers. In 50 games in the Atlantic League he is hitting .266 with 6 dingers, 29 RBI, a 190 Systolic and a 100 Diastolic!

(Thanks to Atlantic League Baseball News for the photo)

Someone should tell the Yankees to XYZ

2008-06-16T15:57:00.004-04:00

The Baltimore Sun's web site is reporting that the Yankees have been walking around for the last 6 weeks with their cock hanging out of their pants. Wow! That's a shock, I would have had my money on the Red Sox.

The other explanation is that the Yankees didn't hit their tee shot past the red tees and they became subject to the time honored "cock out" rule of golf. It's like the USGA says: what makes golf special is that we enforce the rules ourselves.

Stiff of the Week: D.J Trahan, Many others

2008-06-15T21:58:00.002-04:00

XL did a stiff of the week about what someone in sports wasn't wearing, now I'm going to do one about what people shouldn't be wearing. Let's get one thing straight first, I can't stand people or teams in sports who always win. Boston, The Yankees, Florida Basketball and Tiger Woods bore the hell out of me. I don't hate Tiger because of who he is, I hate the fact that he always wins.

Saying that, let me point out even I think it is stupid to see how many of the guys chasing him have the balls to wear red on Sunday. That's Tiger's thing: wearing red on Sunday and huge teeth. It's what Tiger does, so don't be a douche and go out and get caps to have huge teeth, and don't wear a red shirt on Sunday to look cool. Because unless D.J. Trahan and Robert Karlsson were going to win the damn thing all they ended up accomplishing was to look like a lame ass, small toothed dumbass.

Stiff of the Week

2008-06-15T10:07:00.002-04:00

I'm gonna make this short and sweet, my stiff of the week this week (other than Inky for pointing out my spelling flaws) is the Pittsburgh Pirates organization. They haven't been to Baltimore since the embarrassing 1979 World Series and they can't even participate in a turn back the clock game? The O's have been advertising this for weeks that they'd be wearing the 1979 throw backs so one would only expect to see Pittsburgh out there in those god awful gold uniforms with the funky black hat. But no, they played in their normal every day road jersey. Is this team to cheap to go out and get throw backs? I'm sure the fans of the Pirates (both of them) would've wanted to see the old jerseys and hats again. Oh well, at least the O's won that game, I think they're wearing the 83 throw backs in a couple of weeks, we can only hope the team they play will participate. Otherwise they will face the wrath of XL and the bold distinction of Stiff of the Week!

Stud of the Week, Bitches

2008-06-12T00:13:00.004-04:00

Since XL has called us out, I thought I better post, before we have to start beefing. I was innocently flipping through the channels the other day, and came across Braves Vs. Phillies. I didn't care about the game, but what I heard behind the voice of Harry Callis caught my attention. Batters often walk out to the plate to music. On this day, Jeff Francoeur, a guy I've never heard of (plays right field for Atlanta) was walking to the batters box to one of my favorite tunes.

It was "Business Time" by the brilliantly funny New Zealanders Flight of the Conchords. So, good on ya, Jeff. You are my stud of the week. (If you've never heard it, run to their myspace page and listen. You will not be sorry.)

Where Have All The Bloggers Gone??

2008-06-10T23:51:00.004-04:00

Hard to believe it's been over a week since any of us have been here. You'd think the world of sports had stopped or something. Lets recap whats happened lately:

Big Brown choked
Lakers/Celtics blah blah blah
O's are actually having a winning road trip
Detroit won the Cup

So on the first topic, Big Brown choked, does anyone really honestly give a fuck? I mean who the hell watches horse racing unless there is a triple crown possibility. Also, what kind of dumb ass trainer talks smack before a race and then blames the jockey when the horse loses? No one but rich mint julep drinking mother fuckers and career gamblers thats who. We'll all be excited to buy some kick ass Elmer's glue in a few years made from Big Brown himself.

Next topic, Lakers/Celtics, I hope everyone realizes that Magic and Byrd are not ever coming back. This isn't the 80's or the 70's and the NBA is pretty much a joke of a league with a bunch of ball hawking millionaires. I could care less who wins as I don't like either city but I guess I hate Boston more so go Kobe.

The only topic that matters, the O's are winning on the road against quality teams. After taking two of three from both the Twins (I love the Twins) and the Blue Jays the O's took game one tonight from the Red Sox. The Red Sox had only lost 6 games at home going into tonight and Beckett was on the mound so it's a good come from behind victory. Unlikely heroes like Freddie Bynum and Aubrey Huff contributed to another short Beckett outing as well as getting to the Japanese guy that no one else can hit in the pen.

Lastly the Red Wings won the cup. Big frigging surprise but at least Pittsburgh showed some life. I guess Schlack was wrong again, maybe he can predict something ridiculous for the Flyers next season. I think right now he's on a Philly's kick so God help that team....

That's all for now, hopefully Greazy or Inky will pick up the slack so you don't have to deal with my random thoughts for awhile....