"America's Team" Meets Organized Chaos

The Saturday night football game between the Baltimore Ravens and the Dallas Cowboys has to be one of the most entertaining games I've ever watched as a football fan. That being said, if the outcome had been different I may not feel the same way. All the hype about this game was that it was the last game in Texas Stadium. All the networks focused on the homecoming for stars like Emmit Smith and Tony Dorsett and how the Cowboys would easily get back on track and win this game easily because of the emotion of closing out this fabled stadium. It was even rumored that the Cowboys had requested the Ravens for this game as they expected to be able to have an easy victory when the schedule came out last season.

Obviously the "boys" got more than they bargained for in a Baltimore team whose will to win a game overcame the "emotion" of closing down a building. The game was a must win for both teams in terms of the playoffs. If the Ravens lost they no longer controlled their destiny and the Cowboys needed to win to stay in good position in the NFC picture. It looked for awhile like the Ravens would only be able to kick field goals and that they could not stop the Dallas pass rush. The Cowboys got 5 sacks in the fist half but then none in the second. Tony Romo also got impatient in the passing game leading to a critical interception at the end of the first half. This pick allowed the Ravens to kick a last second field goal and go up by two instead of trailing by one at the half. The Ravens also relied on trickery by pulling off a fake field goal to lead to their first touch down. In the end though it came down to smash mouth football taking over and consecutive runs of 77 and 82 yards by Willis McGahee and Leron McClain sealed the Cowboys fate.

It left a sell out crowd and a bunch of retired stars turned broadcasters or whatever scratching their heads. More importantly it left the Ravens in control of their destiny in the AFC and got them some more national attention as a quality team in the NFL. Now they only have to finish off Jacksonville at home next Sunday to take the 6th seed in the AFC playoffs and likely face either the Patriots or the Dolphins on the road in the first round of the playoffs. I'm hoping for Miami being as we've already beaten them this year however I believe the Ravens can play with anyone in the league.

The last time they won the Super Bowl was in Tampa in 2001....well it just so happens that the Super Bowl is in Tampa again this year and well the Giants could be there again. Bring it on, in 2000 the Ravens had to go on the road and win in January and I believe they have the ability to do it again this year if they can keep from making dumb mistakes.

Dirk Johnson Hates Australia

After being replaced by the Eagles in 2007 by former North Melbourne Kangaroos star Sav Rocca, Dirk Johnson was replaced today as punter for the Arizona Cardinals by former Geelong Cats captain Ben Graham. This is just the latest blow suffered by Johnson, who has experienced an unprecedented run of Australian-related bad luck.

Dirk Johnson lost his live-in girlfriend several years ago to an Aussie who worked in her office. After the break-up, Johnson's dog, an Australian Sheppard, bit him on the leg while Johnson was attempting to take him to the vet for his yearly check up.

On a vacation to Hawaii, Dirk Johnson's luggage was lost, and was missing for three days. It was found after an extensive search, having been misdirected to Sydney, Australia. For the final straw, adding insult to injury, Johnson recently suffered a severe case of food poisoning after a meal at a local Outback Steakhouse.

Johnson now looks to recover and sign with another NFL team, one which hopefully has never heard of Australia.

*Only the first sentence of this story is actually true. The rest is satire.*

_

Redskins over Seahawks

There were times this afternoon at Quest Feild when I thought I wouldn't end up being very happy with the outcome. In the end Clinton Portis put the team on his back and carried the Skins to a 3 point win over a 2-8 team. Yay!

Any win for an east coast team on the west coast is big, and any win for a visiting team in Quest is bit. That's because those folks are loud, really loud. I don't know if it has anything to do with how the stadium was designed, but it is loud as fuck in there. It could be that the football loving fans of the State of Washington have saved up all their cheering, since they haven't needed to do much of it for the Cougars and the Huskies, but who knows.

What I did think was kind of lame about Quest is their narking policy. They have a 888 number and a texting address sent up where you can turn in your fellow fan if they don't keep it PG rated during the game:

If anyone was wondering what really lead the Skins to the win, it wasn't their need to keep pace with the Cowgirls, or their desire to end their two game losing streak. No, it was their desire to see the very attractive ends of the Girls at Little Darlings, at 7th and Westlake. How do I know that? Because I've taken the time to do a little investigative journalism and I heard it from the horses mouth... I typed horse, right? At any rate, the the girls were all abuzz about how 13 or 14 of the Skins were in on Saturday night to see some... skin.

All in all, I'd give the game experience here in Seattle an A. It's a good stadium, with very good sight lines, and it is filled to the brim with a ton of loud but friendly fans. If you ever get the chance, you should come see your team play here.

Stiff of the Millennium

I think the NFL should suspend Donovan McNabb for life. Sure dog fighting is bad, and drug use and spousal abuse are deplorable, but there can be absolutely no excuse for an NFL player not knowing that there are ties in the league. Even if he had somehow not known about it growing up (which presumes that he watched football as a kid) he was in the league the last time there was a tie.

Hell, even if all that escaped him, the ref says it over the PA before the beginning of every OT during the coin toss, and I'm sure he's been a captain at least once in his life. Stiff of all human existence doesn't cover how stupid Donovan McNabb is.

Road Grey's

When you've endured 11 straight losing seasons, and watched the team that used to keep you out of the basement make it to the World Series, you'll take anything as a positive. And so it was that Orioles fans all over got excited about a new addition to the team yesterday. No, it wasn't a new player who will be pulling on the O's uniform for the first time at a press conference. It was a press conference for a new O's uniform.

Such is the state of our team, that we all get excited about a change to the uniform, but that's where we find ourselves. The team management finally listened to the fan base and put the city name back on the road jersey, something about half the teams in the league do, but which was once a given in the league. The "Baltimore" on the Grey's was dropped in 1973 and for the last 35 years the Birds has played with the team name on their chests in other cities.

That ends in 2009, and not a moment too soon. I need something to get excited about going forward, and unless those unis came with a new starting SS, 1B and a few live arms, I'll be reduced to cheering for the laundry, albeit, nice new laundry.

Seperated At Birth 11

Watching a little bit of the Packers/Vikings game today I started to realize that Packers coach Mike McCarthy looked familiar. It took me a few minutes but then it hit me, he looks like that fat ass comedian Kevin James. I think this is ironic because James is a comedian and to me McCarthy is a joke as a head coach.

Take the Good With the Bad

Sure the Redskins got their buttholes pushed in on national TV last night. And, sure, my once vaunted fantasy team lost solely because Santana Moss and Sean Suisham couldn't get me 12 lousy points between them. But there were reasons for me to be happy last night. One is ridiculous and the other says all sorts of things about me that I'd rather not delve too far into.

The first, of course, is the fact that 94 percent of the Presidential races contested since 1936 have been predicted by the Redskins. If they win, the party in power keeps power, and if they lose, the other party sweeps into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The only time this didn't hold true was in 2004 when the Skins did their part in losing to the Packers, but John Kerry got fucked over by Swiftboat and Bin Laden. How's that working out for you folks?

So not only should their loss herald a win for the D's tonight, which would make me happy, but they also made great strides in the world of sports fashion. Enjoying this, of course, makes me tremendously gay, but I'm OK with it. I've been waiting for years for the Skins to wear their burgundy pants with their burgundy jerseys. I'll pause for a moment for you to call me a pansy.

All done? Great. For most of my life Washington was one of the only teams in the league to always wear their whites at home (along with Dallas, those fuckers). This meant that we hardly ever saw them in their red tops, save for trips to Dallas and St. Louis/Arizona. A few years back they started to wear all white at home from time to time, and I've been waiting for the day they took the field in all burgundy.

And that's what I'm holding onto from last nights game. Which says even more about me than I'd like. Now we just need to get the gold helmet and numbers back and I'll be in heaven.

Neutral Site World Series???

With the World Series coming to an end on the Phillies improbable season the biggest question other than how much damage can dumb ass Philly fans cause is should the world series be held in a neutral climate controlled site? You go 100 or so years without a rain shortened game or stoppage of play and all of a sudden this is the hot topic. The amazing thing is that a lot of the writers appear to be on board with this idea. I heard Buster Onley on Mike & Mike this morning going on about the revenue that could be brought in by having the World Series in one stadium for 7 consecutive days. He went on to describe how all the awards like Cy Young and Gold Gloves could be announced and Hall of Famers could converge and we could just have a week long baseball orgy in this neutral site. Sounds good right???

WRONG, it's bad enough that football has pansied out and only plays the Super Bowl in climate controlled environments. Pretty much the only people that get to go to this game are rich people and celebrities or chumps willing to come off nearly a grand for a seat in the nose bleed section. Baseball is to me still a pure sport where the fans make up a lot of the identity for the team. Not to diminish what fans do in other sports but it just seems wrong for the World Series to be played on a neutral turf. Can you imagine the Red Sox and Cubs playing a World Series in Anaheim or The Orioles and Cardinals playing in Houston? Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl. I'm tired of marketing and money dictating how we as fans get to enjoy our sports. It's bad enough that the games don't start until 8:30 and are played on work/school nights. I know that Bud Selig vehemently opposes this idea and for probably the first time I support him. I just hope that when he steps down that MLB doesn't get a commissioner like the NFL just did that is more interested in playing games in Europe and expanding the league than fixing other issues like the shitty pre-season. It's ideas like this that turn people away from sports but unfortunately tend to make millions for people who already have millions.

Philly Phans Know How to Celebrate

This is all over the sports blog world, but since Inky, XL and I had so much to say about game 5 yesterday, I couldn't help posting it on our little corner of the blogosphere. This is one of those pure moments where visuals meet audio to make for a full and complete experience. Just seeing this fuckwit get hit in the head with a Grey Goose bottle would be ok, but hearing it makes for a once in a life time experience. I've watched this video about 20 times already, and it never gets old.

I Have Exorcised the Demons, Part 2

Well, despite my esteemed colleague's Lead Pipe Lock prediction earlier in the evening, the Phillies have won the World Series. That's right, Philadelphia. The curse has been lifted; it can be done. Now we have no more excuses for not winning championships. We can do it, we can all do it.

So, sorry XL and Greazy who are Philly haters from way back. Not that I am really a fan of the Phillies, but my hometown deserves this. Just as much or as little as any other team deserves to win.

And, a little note to baseball fans complaining about how nobody was watching this series. It is your fault. How could you not watch this? A worst to first team and a team full of MVPs. Is it really just because they are not wearing pinstripes? Then shame on you. You are not a true fan if you only want to see the highest payrolls buy their way into championships. That is not baseball, and that is not what sports is supposed to be about. So, fuck off. Don't make me get out my batteries and hurl them at you. BOOOOO BOOOOO!!!

Take that bitches.

Stud of the Week: Barack Obama

For anyone who actually pays attention, you know that Barack Obama gave a huge assist to sports fans tonight. Despite repeated, and false, assertions by John McCain that Obama was pushing back the start time of tonight's baseball game, nothing could be further from the truth. All Obama did, was make sure that anyone tuning into the game tonight gets to see baseball pretty much right off the top. They don't have to sit through all the B.S. Fox pregame, and in the end, isn't that a good thing? See, he's helping average Americans already.

The Phils Will Win....But Not Tonight

This will be short and to the point because I want to get it posted before the game ends tonight. It is currently 3-3 heading to the bottom of the 7th inning. It is my belief that Philadelphia will lose this game and Brad Lidge will be the responsible party. Greazy and I have talked about this already and I just can't believe that Lidge will hold up to the pressure. You know he still has nightmares of St. Louis and he has been perfect thus far. So unless Tampa's bull pen turns into the Orioles bull pen (which it could if Chad Bradford is brought in) this is my prediction for the evening. As much as it pains me to think that the city of Philadelphia will win a championship I have resigned myself to the likelihood of it happening.

I'll Say it: Greg Oden Has Huge Tits*

* By which I mean he is a huge bust
Just 3 minutes into his NBA career (a career which is already off to a 1 year delay) Portland center Greg Oden sprained his foot last night. Anyone who saw Oden play at Ohio State knows that is an amazing physical presence, and yet, he seems to lack the ability to stay physically healthy.

Maybe we should consider that he is not 21 years old as he says he is, but 44 years old as his looks say he is. Have you ever seen him with glasses on? He looks older than Morgan Freeman, and that motherfucker is old as shit. I think we need to cut Oden open and count his rings. God knows Portland won't be in danger of winning any rings if he keeps getting hurt every third day. I think it's safe to say, that with 1% of the precincts reporting: Greg Oden is a huge bust.

I Have Exorcised the Demons!

Ha ha, St. Louis. I told you not to do it, but you didn't listen. And, now you're the ones with the bad luck. Sarah Palin has now infected your club. Not only did you get shut out by the Kings, Manny Legace tripped over that carpet they set out for her to walk on. If she is such a damn good hockey mom, then how come she can't walk on the ice?

How do I know that the curse is broken? The same day Sarah Palin dropped the puck in St. Louis, the Flyers won their game against the Devil 6-3. It still may be too early to tell if the curse is totally gone, but I am cautiously optimistic.

Take that St. Louis. Truth be told, I really don't have anything against you, so hopefully your curse will be short lived.

Just for the record, however. . . .told you so.