New NFL Rules

Before I start this post, I'd just like to say one thing about the previous post. That's right, ladies. He's all mine.

Anyway, I have found myself growing more and more disturbed by the idiocy of the NFL. They seem to do a lot of dumb things. Players, owners, coaches, you name it. It goes all the way to the top. So, in light of this, I have composed a few new rules I would like to see the NFL adopt.

1) Stop caring who the hell Bill Belichick will and will not hug. Dude, if he doesn't want to rub his man parts against Eric Mangini leave him be. Grown men who coach football shouldn't hug anyway. I say Rochambeau.

1a) Stop calling him Man-genius. The Jets suck, let it go.

2) No more celebrating for simple things like tackles. I hate nothing more than seeing some guy get up after a tackle and act like someone handed him the Publisher's Clearing House check. Have some dignity, it is your job to tackle after all.

3) When someone drops a pass and it is clearly incomplete, don't pick up the fucking football and run with it. You're not fooling anyone, you're not going to score, you're not going to fix up your room.

4) No more shit talk from pine riders. End of story.

5) Stop blaming Jessica Simpson for the failings of Tony Romo. Blame his tiny, tiny eyes.

6) Tom Brady has to stop dressing like Brad Pitt for his post game press conferences.

7) Perfection is the realm of the creator. The Patriots didn't lose. Let's get a little perspective.

8) A shot in the mouth to a receiver is no longer illegal if everyone agrees he's a douchebag. Dub it the Moss/Owens Rule.

9) Elaborate dances from players must be in direct correlation to how good they are. Sorry Ray Lewis. It's time to tone it down.

And Finally, just for fun

10) To enhance the drama of overtime, two things. All back ups, no kickers. Think about it.

So, here's to another great year and the hopes that the NFL will someday get their big old head out of their asses one day. Until they, I shall remain ever vigilant.