Stiff of the Week: Lil Greazy

There are no words, they should have sent a poet. Sitting in my hotel room here in Chicago and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but, a rain soaked gold metal beach volleyball match. And Misty May. And Kerri Walsh. In tiny white bikinis. And obviously cold too.

Give me just a moment. Whew!

Where was I? Oh yeah the itsie bitsie, teenie weenie white translucent volleyball bikini. I think those four minute pieces of fabric should each win a gold metal. I know that they COULD play that game in board shorts and tank tops, but why? Is there any more amazing example of the female body then that of a beach volleyball player? I think not, and what went on for 45 minutes in Beijing may have bordered on porn, but it was also impressive and compelling sport. Misty and Kerri are about as dominant in their sport as anyone else has ever been. They are twice the Tiger that Tiger is, and about a million times as hot. Its a win win win win, in skimpy white bikinis, that were practically see through under the Chinese rain. Slowly dripping down those perfect abs...

Olympic Hotness!

Inky and I are surprised at how much of the Olympics we've watched over the last 9 days, but there have been some compelling story lines playing out, and then of course there has also been some hotness. While Inky gets to look at all the v shaped torsos among the swimmers, it's been a veritable hard body parade for me. From the beach volleyball to the pool and the hard wood one cant help but get... hard wood.

I was watching a semifinal game on the "beach today" and Xue Chen (top right) caught my eye. Now, I've long loved beach volleyball for Misty May and Keri Walsh, who are, in my mind, sexy as hell. Then, here comes the red Chinese invasion, in the form of Chen who is 6'2" 165 and retardedly smoking. In the pool, Aussie Stephanie Rice (left)broke up with her man before she got to Bejing, and with a body like that you can understand why, the girl just wants to have fun... and win the 200 and 400 IM. No matter where I turned I was seeing hotness, like Penny Taylor (above bottom right), who is a starting forward on the Opals, Australia's national basketball team.

The backcourt isn't too bad on the Opals either as evidenced by Erin Phillips pictured left. Phillips it on a one woman mission to get on my top 5 list as she combines spectacular play as one of the Opals guards to the fact that she was the first woman to play professional Aussie rules with boys. The backside and cute face don't hurt her case either.

And so I'll keep watching the as the athletes keep racking up golds, silvers and bronze but I'll also be watching the racks. The best part is, there is just as much male eye candy, if not more, so there is plenty for both sexes. Even better then that, it is the amount international hotties that we only get to see every 4 years making them kind of like smoking hot comets, on their orbit past us.

Stiffs of the Week: All Spanish People

As I type this the US Basketball team is getting ready to take on Spain in what some people think is a golden preview. Of course the Spaniards have drawn a lot of criticism over the last week for the ad that ran in Spain showing the team all pulling their eyes back to mimic Chinese appearance. Not only did the Mens team to it, but also the women, and the tennis team. Christ! It's pretty bad when you make the American NBA guys look like choirboys, especially when you consider that Kobe raped a white chick in the ass. Allegedly...

I'd love to give the Spanish team a taste of their own medicine by mocking something about them, but as it turns out, Mexico and Puerto Rico have been doing that for two centuries now. Plus, Spain is totally devoid of anything notable to mock. When I think of Spain all I get is: Don Quixote, Spanish from "Old School", and Maximus Decimus Meridius, the Spaniard who be came a general who toppled an Emperor. My only other image of Spanish people is a slick haired Lothario who reeks of cologne and spends too much time on his personal grooming. And even that they stole from the Italians.

Fruity Picks, Olympic Style

*Am I the only one who finds it incredibly amusing (and ironic) that Amanda Beard didn't qualify for the 200m Breaststroke?

*While I appreciate the physics involved in the new Speedo swimsuit, I do miss the classic tiny one. Come on Michael Phelps, how about just for one race? (He is quite fit, no?)

*USA Baseball is in trouble if we can't get by South Korea.

*Someone needs to take Alicia Sacramone's shoe laces. That poor girl.

*Is it wrong that I still love Synchronized Swimming?

We're One Week From The Olympics.....Do You Care?

I've gotta say that there is absolutely no chance that I will watch any of the summer Olympics unless somehow baseball is televised. I don't know what it is but I could care less if the USA wins gold medals in gymnastics or sprints, or whatever the fuck else we compete in. I don't care about the basketball team that will inevitably disappoint even though they've played together as a team much longer than previous iterations. I love Coach K but I really doubt that this team will be focused, after all I'm pretty sure Nike and Reebok have slave factories in China that the likes of Lebron and his cronies will want to check out.

Michael Phelps is a local boy from MD but I don't care if he drowns trying to break another record. I guess the point is I don't really watch any of these sports anyway so why the hell do I care what happens every four years. The funny thing is most people only tune in to the opening and closing ceremonies and watch what will be the God awful Bob Costas wrap up show. The good thing about the summer games is at least they happen during a time where good TV shows aren't interrupted. So keep the torch lit and enjoy pissing and shitting in a hole if you have actually taken the time to go to China to eat the Kung Pao and watch the games.