After being replaced by the Eagles in 2007 by former North Melbourne Kangaroos star Sav Rocca, Dirk Johnson was replaced today as punter for the Arizona Cardinals by former Geelong Cats captain Ben Graham. This is just the latest blow suffered by Johnson, who has experienced an unprecedented run of Australian-related bad luck.
Dirk Johnson lost his live-in girlfriend several years ago to an Aussie who worked in her office. After the break-up, Johnson's dog, an Australian Sheppard, bit him on the leg while Johnson was attempting to take him to the vet for his yearly check up.
On a vacation to Hawaii, Dirk Johnson's luggage was lost, and was missing for three days. It was found after an extensive search, having been misdirected to Sydney, Australia. For the final straw, adding insult to injury, Johnson recently suffered a severe case of food poisoning after a meal at a local Outback Steakhouse.
Johnson now looks to recover and sign with another NFL team, one which hopefully has never heard of Australia.
*Only the first sentence of this story is actually true. The rest is satire.*
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