When I watch sports on ESPN, I always have an eye on the bottom line. It’s a good place to keep up to date on scores, some valuable news and of course the Patriots Pursuit of Perfection, which some how got it’s own slide. It’s not all bad on the bottom line, since the limited space forces the editor to come up with creative abbreviations. Two of those space saving devices have lead to many jokes on my part, and the idea in my head of one hell of a match up.
When Old Dominion plays, the folks at ESPN have decided to dub them Old Dom. Most grown ups can see Old Dom and take the leap to the school in Virginia quite easily. I, however, automatically think of a Dominatrix who is past her prime. You know, like "the Old Dom spanked the crap out of the young sub." OK, I know, I have problems, but it doesn’t stop there.
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When Oral Roberts plays, ESPN has decided to refer to them as Oral Rob. Again, most mature people can see that and know right away that it is in reference to the Oklahoma school founded by the wack-job conman of the same name. I see a guy named Robert who likes to eat pussy and has earned a moniker befitting his predilection. "Hey girls, look, it’s Oral Rob. God, that guy has a hell of a tongue on him."
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Are you getting a feeling for what Inky has to put up with by being married to me? All that aside, can’t you see it. Big Tuesday on ESPN 2, and as they open on a wide shot of the Ted Constant Convocation Center the announcer says: It’s going to be a match up for the ages tonight Cotton, as the Old Dom faces down a hungry opponent in Oral Rob. Normally Old Dom is in control but Oral Rob has licked this challenger before." By the way, all this could have been avoided by using their highly obvious and longtime recognized abbreviations: ODU and ORU. But, that’s just me.
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