It's been a long week here at I&TSG, a lot of posting has been going on and a lot of sports have been watched. I was speaking with Greazy on Sunday and he told me he had just finished watching a PBA event on ESPN. That got me thinking whatever happened to Brick Fantana? You've never heard of Brick Fantana? Well it's a good thing I tracked him down so we could ask him "Where are you now?"
XL: So Brick, long time no see. Why don't you tell the folks at home about your career as a professional bowler?
BF: I've been bowling for as long as I can remember. It seems I've had three fingers in a hole more often than I've had them out. I started out in league play when I was about 13 years old. My father owned a bowling alley so I got to play on the house team which was called Strike Squad. We took on all comers with me being the anchor of the team. At that point I was averaging about 240 a game and no one could touch me. During one of the last big league championships a scout happened to be in the 11th frame eating cheese fries when he heard not saw me bowl my 6th strike in a row. After we wrapped up the title he approached me about bowling as an individual on a tour.
XL: I guess being the son of a bowling alley owner has it's perks. How was it on tour?
BF: Well growing up in a bowling alley you get a feel for the types of people that you might meet on tour so I thought I may have an advantage. Boy was I wrong, behind the scenes in bowling is an ugly ugly world filled with drugs, alcohol, hustling and women. Well ok, not so much the women but it is not as nice a business as you'd think. I remember my first tournament as a pro, the current champ Big Butch McGovern stole my ball and cut it in half. I never knew it until I went up to my room at the Motel 6 and saw it laying there on my pillow. I was pretty intimidated and just barely made the cut. Fortunately another old timer Herman "the hammer" Brewster took me under his wing. He didn't like Big Butch and saw promise in a young talent like me, without him I doubt I'd have lasted long in the pro ranks.
XL: I'm sure no one knew the underground world of bowling was so harsh. How did The Hammer help you?
BF: He taught me a few tricks, like how to hide my real ball from guys like Big Butch and also how to intimidate other bowlers. I used to take Alka Seltzer tablets and put them on my tongue and just before the match began start foaming at the mouth and writhing on the floor speaking gibberish. My opponent usually believed me to be crazy which gave me an advantage. Over time I began to move up the rankings achieving a level I never dreamed possible. Of course like any athlete on top of his game I fell into a trap. I got hooked on "spinach" or at least that's what we called it. It was a very highly addictive drug that not only gave you a rock hard erection for 2 hours it increased the mass of your forearm thereby allowing you to throw the bowling ball with more power. You can imagine how it got it's nickname being as all bowlers idolize Popeye because of his large forearms. This drug also allowed us to go all night long with the bar maid in the 11th frame or the single soccer mom who brought her kids over to bowl on Saturday afternoons. A drug like this was to good to be true though, it's nasty side effect was your chin started to grow at an exponential rate and you would inadvertently start calling everyone a wise guy and doing this ridiculous laugh. If you used for too long you had this irresistible urge to go to sea, that's actually what happened to "the hammer". I was one of the lucky ones although it cost me my career and some of my boyish good looks.
XL: That's quite a story Brick, glad you were able to get off the spinach. So what are you doing these days?
BF: At this point I'm just trying to make ends meat selling bowling supplies to local alleys. The basic things like novelty condoms for the novelty machine in the men's room or large quantities of wax for the lanes. I'm hoping to receive my patent soon for the first ever lane Zamboni that will wax the lane between rounds of tournaments. I can imagine all the endorsements I'd get to have that thing waxing on ESPN with a hot model in bowling shoes driving it....
XL: Keep the dream alive Brick, keep the dream alive!
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