It's time for another installment of the now infamous "Where are they Now" column here on Inky and the Sports Guy. This week I had to travel to Colorado to catch up with another legend Barry Badrinath former World Ping Pong Champion. We all know Barry from some of his other exploits in an international Beer drinking tournament held during Oktoberfest in Germany. We also know a very little bit about his quick departure from playing Ping Pong and what became of him afterwards. Enjoy the following trancript:
XL: So Barry, it's been a long time, would you be so kind as to regale us with the story of your rise in the world of Ping Pong.
BB: No problem XL, I was fresh off of Hands Across America and had been playing at an amateur level for quite some time when I decided to set off with my good friend the Silo to where Ping Pong is adored. Of course I'm speaking of the continent of Asia. We started off in Hong Kong playing some random tournaments to get a feel for where I was in the big pool of players this continent had to offer. I soon found out that I had a long way to go. I decided the only way I would get better was to hire my own sensai of Pong.
XL: I had no idea such a person existed. What kind of search did you undertake and how does one train to be better at Ping Pong?
BB: I'd love to tell you that I went on a personal quest to the top of a mountain in Tibet and went through a series of trials to prove my worthiness but that is not what happened. I pretty much went to a classified ad and found a guy who claimed to be the trainer of champions. He charged 2000 yen a month and promised immediate results. His name was Edgar Poe Wong and he was a drunk but he could play Pong. He taught me all the tricks of the trade, how to use sweat from my sack to manipulate the ball during service and what type of lotions to put on my paddle to get the best kind of back spin. Before I knew it I was rocketing through the ranks of the Ping Pong underworld. I only encountered one other American although his name escapes me now. He seemed a little slow though and kept going on about some girl named Jenny. I eventually got to play the champion Chang Chow Mein in a non sanctioned match. It was a grueling battle back and forth that went to deuce with me finally prevailing by getting some good ball sweat on the ball on my final service. After that victory I was granted a chance at the championship which I was able to do much easier the second time.
XL: Sounds like you had things going your way, how did you end up losing it all?
BB: The short answer is I got greedy, I had won the championship but believe it or not money and women didn't come with it. I wanted to play for higher stakes so I ended up in a place called Ding Dang playing in a high stakes game. The guys I played were hacks and I couldn't believe what luck I had. I was up over 100 grand when I ran into the Dragon. He was unbeknownst to me the leader of one of the most dangerous gangs in Asia. He saw me talking shit and beating his guys and decided he wanted a piece. I actually beat him 11-0 which is called skunking. This next bit is still hard to say....he had his guys hold me down....and they...they shoved my paddle up my ass.
XL: Gee Barry, I don't know how I'd act if I had a Ping Pong paddle handle shoved up my ass...
BB: It wasn't the handle XL....I've been shitting pancakes ever since. I ended up forfeiting my championship and came back to Colorado where I would perform various sex acts starting at $1 and going on up. I was lost....it wasn't until Jan and Todd found me that I realized how lost I really was.
XL: Wow, that is quite a tale, we know that you were successful in your rehabilitation and that you and the Wolfhouse boys beat the Germans in a 10 boot beer drinking marathon to bring the Vonwolfhausen brewery back to it's rightful owners. Since then what have you been doing?
BB: I've started to run a half way house for male prostitutes. I realized that a lot of their stories were similar to mine. In a lot of ways we've all had a ping pong paddle shoved up our ass and I wanted to reach out to these poor souls and help them. I also help Jan and Todd run the Schnitz & Giggle pub as well as brew the delicious beer. It's so good I want to put my dick in it and then want it to put it's dick in me.
XL: Barry, yours is truly a story of overcoming adversity and excelling at other ventures. We here at I&TSG salute you and wish you and Team USA luck next year in defending your Beerfest championship!
No comments:
Post a Comment