Where Are They Now: Rock Paper Scissors League Champion Dilbert Diggle

A recent event on the campus on my alma mater York College has inspired me to again reach out to a former world champion. This time the "sport" is Rock Paper Scissors and the champion is Dilbert Diggle, world champion from 1982-1991 when he was beaten in an amazing upset by an orphan from the former Soviet Union.
York College held it's first ever Rock Scissors Paper tournament as a way to raise funds for Relay for Life. This is where I ran into Dilbert Diggle who showed me the ropes of this very competitive "sport". Below is the transcript of our interview:

XL: Wow, I never thought I'd run into an athlete like Dilbert Diggle on the campus of York College! What brings you here?

DD: Well I like to keep up with the "sport" of Rock Paper Scissors whenever I can. This being the inaugural event for YCP I couldn't stay away. I also have a nephew entering the competition for the first time and I wanted to cheer him on.

XL: A lot of my readers are not familiar with your story. Would you care to recap what made you famous and what it's like to be a former Rock Scissors Paper world champion?

DD: Well XL, first of all you're always a Rock Scissors Paper World Champion. I started playing when I was 8 years old with a group of friends. Back then there wasn't a fancy tournament room or referees to keep the game clean. You had to rely on your own tenacity and intestinal fortitude to survive. I remember a bout I had in 81 before I made it to the big time. I was playing this 15 year old kid who was twice my size and I had won the fiirst game paper over rock and he had one the second game scissors over paper. This last game was for match point and I threw out scissors knowing this behemoth would not be smart enough to put out rock. He tried to say that the paper he put out was really made of concrete and it would break my scissors but I held firm and told him that scissors always beats paper no matter what it was made of. He backed down and I have never felt more confident in myself. It was that match that inspired me to go pro at such a young age.

XL:That is an impressive start to your career. By going pro did you get any lucrative sponsorships to make some extra money?

DD: Well I had a guy from Holt paper approach me about being a spokesman for them but I would've had to throw paper more than 50% of the time to get any sponsorship money so I decided it was better to go pro without selling out.

XL: So how did you become the World Champ?

DD: I had to compete in a bunch of back yard tourneys to start. They were usually round robin style but I never lost. It was like I knew what my opponent was going to throw before he did. It wasn't long before I was on the national stage in Bismark, North Dakota where all the real players play. The match for World Champ was a best of 7 against an Asian kid whose name escapes me. I've never been more nervous in my entire life than staring down that 4' kid but after three throws I found myself up 3-0. With one throw to go I was sweating more than Gary Williams during a Duke game but I reached deep down and pulled out a rock to win. It was a roller coaster from there.

XL: I heard that in the mid 80's you started to come out to the matches to Michael Jackson's Billie Jean wearing the one glove on your right hand and a fancy bright red robe. Is this true?

DD: Those are some memories I'd like to forget, I was actually on "the rock" aka cocaine at the time and thought that the outfit made me more of a tough guy. I don't remember a lot of those matches, it's amazing I held on to the championship so long.

XL: That sounds pretty wild although to be fair a lot of people were on "the rock" in the 80's. Tell me about losing to the Russian orphan in 91.

DD: That was a crazy day. I had just left rehab for the 7th time and still felt unstoppable. This kid was amazing, it was like he had mind control over me. I think his name was Debo but I'm not sure. I guess not having parents he had a lot of free time to practice and had been watching all of my file footage to guess my tendencies. I was humiliated and retired from active play immediately following that loss.

XL: That was a tough loss, I remember reading about it in the paper. You dropped off the face of the earth after that.

DD: Yeah, there was no place for a guy like me in the Rock Paper Scissors world anymore. I decided to go out and get a real job. I tear movie tickets at the Regal Cinemas at the mall now but I still find time for events like this. Although seeing all this excitement makes me itch a little bit for some rock....do you have some?

XL: No, I just sold my last bit to some frat boys who were going to have hookers do lines off their dick but I'm sure you can score some if you look hard enough. Thanks for taking time away from your busy schedule to talk to me.