We're One Week From The Olympics.....Do You Care?

I've gotta say that there is absolutely no chance that I will watch any of the summer Olympics unless somehow baseball is televised. I don't know what it is but I could care less if the USA wins gold medals in gymnastics or sprints, or whatever the fuck else we compete in. I don't care about the basketball team that will inevitably disappoint even though they've played together as a team much longer than previous iterations. I love Coach K but I really doubt that this team will be focused, after all I'm pretty sure Nike and Reebok have slave factories in China that the likes of Lebron and his cronies will want to check out.

Michael Phelps is a local boy from MD but I don't care if he drowns trying to break another record. I guess the point is I don't really watch any of these sports anyway so why the hell do I care what happens every four years. The funny thing is most people only tune in to the opening and closing ceremonies and watch what will be the God awful Bob Costas wrap up show. The good thing about the summer games is at least they happen during a time where good TV shows aren't interrupted. So keep the torch lit and enjoy pissing and shitting in a hole if you have actually taken the time to go to China to eat the Kung Pao and watch the games.

...and a douche nozzle to be named later

I'm hard pressed to say who would be getting the worse end of a Favre for Manny deal. One thing is for sure, I'm sick of hearing about both of them. They are both getting very close to "how my ass taste?" territory, and are each already in the running for stiff of the year consideration. Favre's transgressions are way worse, when you factor in the reality that 4 months ago it was pretty much a universal thought that he was an all around great guy and now most of us would like to shoot him in the nuts with a potato gun. Manny has always been a psycho Prima donna.

Counting the Days

How long until September? The O's fell 13-3 in their game today, missing out on a chance to sweep the Yankees. No matter how much I liked seeing them kick the shit out of Mike Mussina the other night, one thing is true. It's hard for me to get very excited about the O's these days. There are two many guys who roll over into a double play in a big situation, and too many pitchers who just can't get into the late innings.

I do think my interest in the O's will get a lot more pointed very soon, either in September or next April when Matt Wieters pulls on his #32 Orioles Jersey. Since being called up to AA the O's #1 prospect hasn't disappointed. In 31 games he is hitting .350-6-26 and has walked (18) more than he has struck out (16). in 69 games at single A, he hit .345-15-44, giving him totals for the year between Bowie and Frederick of .347-21-66 in 329 at bats over 100 games. I love this kid.

I don't think he's the next Albert Pujols or anything, but he isn't far away from that based on his numbers, and he previous success in college. Bring on '09!

Stiff of the Week: Fat lil Giuliani

Who remembers Rudy Giuliani's 1994 mayoral inauguration? Not ringing a bell? How about the Saturday Night Live depiction of it that stared Chris Farley as the Mayor's then 7 year old son, Andrew? Now you're remembering. Well as it turns out, that little fat kid went on to enroll at Duke University where he hoped to become... a pro golfer. (See, it is sports related)

As it turns out, Andy wasn't much of a golfer, in addition to being a pretty huge douchbag. So the new golf coach at Duke kicked him off the team, and Andy responded by doing what any child of privilege does when things don't go his way: he took it like a man and looked for another school in which to enroll. Naw, just kidding, he totally sued to get back on the team at Duke.

The thing is, none of his teammates, including his roommates, wanted to save him from being kicked off the team, but he has a great answer for that, he says the coach pressured them and they succumbed to wanting him gone to make another spot on the team for him. That seems like an odd motivation when you learn that Fat Andy's scoring average last season was 74.5 strokes, which was 12th on the team. So I guess that aspiration to be a pro golfer was already derailed before you got thrown off the team for being a d-bag, huh Fat Andy?

Evans Falls Short

The champagne has been drunk, the Tour is finished, and again this year, Cadel Evans stands on the podium. Just not in the spot we all thought he would be. For the second year in a row, the Aussie rider came in second place, this time behind Spain's Carlos Sastre.

This year's favorite had his chance to take back the yellow jersey in a late tour time trial. But, instead, he faltered. Much has been made of Evans' lack of ability to handle pressure. Maybe all that is true. But, in the grueling three week race, anything can happen. This year was marred again by drugs scandals, right up to the last day when a Kazak rider was discovered right after the trip down the Champs-Elysees. (Damn Borat!!)

Still, it was a good ride, and the cycling world has a lot to be positive about, and I don't mean drug tests. For America, there is Christian Vandevelde, a promising young rider who in years to come could be our next Lance. Back in Oz, Stuart O'Grady was a member of Sastre's team and got to take part in the glory of riding to Paris with the winner.

So, the Tour ends for another year. Another year for Cadel Evans to think about what went wrong, and how good it felt to wear the yellow jersey in stages 10-14.

Who knows? Maybe next year will be his year. Or maybe not. I know I'll be watching to find out.

FOUL!! Wait . . .TWO FOULS!!!

Now, I'm not a huge fan of Danica Patrick, but I felt it was time to say something about all these so called "issues" she seems to have. It seems a day doesn't go by that the media isn't showing her stomping off because she lost, or getting into it with this driver or that one. Recently, it was fellow woman driver, Milka Duno. Cries of cat fight aside, I find this whole thing ridiculous. People only care because she is a woman. Tony Stewart has been in slap fights with damn near everyone in racing, but he's not given heat for it. His fat ass gets a pass because of one reason, and one reason only. A dong.

The double standard in sports is as important as the hyperbole and the stats put together. If women's sports were ever truly legitimized, then we might have to start to feel icky about putting them on magazine covers in bikinis. Lord knows it would be icky if it were Tiger Woods. But no one seems to mind when it's Natalie Gulbis. Golf Magazine had a poll to find the Top 10 golf babes. Something tells me Rocco Mediate wasn't on that list. Roger Federer never graced the cover of SI clutching a pillow, but Anna Kornakova sure did.

If women's sports were taken seriously we'd have to stop thinking about them in terms of vaginas and start thinking about them in terms of how good they are at their game. Without the means to objectify them and make them something other than real athletes, nobody knows how to talk about it. Sure, she can play, but she looks like a dyke. Sure, she can play, but she couldn't ever be as good as a man.

The latest in the long line of bullshit is the fight that took place between the LA Sparks and the Detroit Shock. God forbid women get pissed off and show it just like men. Maybe it was because Candice Parker didn't jump into the crowd or choke out her coach. Maybe that is why men don't seem to get it. For whatever the reason, people are shocked by the fact that in women's team sports, emotions can run just as high as in men's.

I think it is a great first step. That's right, get into it ladies. Stop acting like you are trying to win a beauty contest. Fuck being a roll model. Girls need to see that defending yourself and a teammate is a good thing. Not just something women do because it's fun for guys to watch. I say fight on sisters. Fight because you want to, and if someone makes that fucking cat noise at you, kick him in the nuts!

I Won't Make a Dancing Pun...

So the Washington Redskins got a stud DE to replace a fallen DE, and all it cost them was two draft picks. Sure, in the hands of the Tuna that 2nd rounder can turn into a perennial all pro, but you have to think about the impact Jason Taylor will have on the Skins D. After having made the playoffs twice in the last three years with no pass rush to speak of, Taylor is a quantum leap in that area. His presence will also mean more chances for outside linebackers to get into the backfield. In addition to his impact on the gridiron (which should be much augmented thanks to his change of venue) Taylor is a fan's dream for his off field and PR impact. Here is a very good looking guy who could give a great speech if he ran for Senate, and lets just say the ladies love cool Jay too.

Statue-worthy?

First things first: I love Harold Baines. If someone told me that the number 3 was being retired by the Orioles I would have no problem with that. I loved watching Harold hit (except when he couldn't get a runner home from third with less than two outs vs Cleavland in the '97 ALCS, but I digress) and it never hurt his case at Camden Yards that he was a native Marylander. We had Brady Anderson- who was born in MD- Harold, Billy and of coarse Cal. It added a nice touch to a team that was on the rise and needed a professional hitter in the middle of the line up. HB was that player.

Of course he is equally loved on the South Side of Chicago, where he played for 11 plus years with the Sox. The story goes that Bill Veeck first scouted HB as a 12 year old little leaguer on the Eastern Shore. When the Sox got the first over all pick of the '77 draft they jumped at the chance to take Baines and he delivered for them, starting in 1980. For his career he hit .289 with 384 home runs and 1628 RBI. (with the O's he was .301-107-378 in 666 Games) He was also remarkably clutch (again, save for that ALCS game when Mussina struck out 17 and got a no decision) and had just about as sweet a swing as you ever saw.

With all that said, I ask: Is Harold Baines statue-worthy? The White Sox seem to think so, and they unveiled the monument yesterday. If there is a statue to HB at Comisky, then why not at Camden Yards? He played for 5 teams, but other than the Sox he spent the most time with the birds, having spent 5 1/2 years in orange and black. What is the cut off? The O's had Reggie Jackson for two thirds of a season, so can we retire his number and give him a statue?

The only thing I do know is that the O's have a particular statue deficiency. The only likeness outside of Camden Yards is of a Yankee for crying out loud, albeit a Yankee from Baltimore. Why isn't Brooks outside of the third base entrance? Why isn't Eddie outside of the first base entrance? Why isn't Frank standing proudly on the other side of Eutaw St. from the Babe, so he can be near right field? I guess it all comes down to who you think is statue-worthy.

Let Me Axe You A Question....

That question is why are there professional football players getting injured with an axe? It doesn't happen every year but the fact that any pro athlete is side lined by getting hit with an axe is a little disturbing. The latest victim is Josh McCown the would be starter of the hapless Miami Dolphins. Turns out while he and younger brother Luke were cutting fire wood at his residence in Jacksonville, Texas Luke, who was holding the log got his right index finger chopped. He needed 6 stitches and with training camp around the corner who knows if he'll be in any shape to compete for the job in Miami.

I have to ask first, who the hell is chopping fire wood in July....in Texas? Second, you are a professional athlete and even though you don't make the big money you should certainly be able to afford to heat your house without need of fire wood. Or at least be able to pay someone to chop it for you right? I also have to wonder about the technique used in this accident. The thought of holding a log while someone else swings an axe at it seems pretty crazy. Did Josh draw the short straw or were he and brother Luke sipping on a little bit of grandpa's cough syrup? Either way this is one of the more bizarre accidents in sports that has to rank up there with the punter in Jacksonville swinging an axe at a stump and hitting his own leg to Jeff Kent breaking his arm washing his truck (or whatever he claimed to be doing). I guess if nothing else this gives the Dolphins more reason to attempt to trade for my extended stiff of the week Brett Favre!

The Curse Continues

I guess we know how the Madden Curse will manifest itself this year, huh? The cover jinx is in its 10th year now, and last year branched out into a second language as Luis Castillo of Whale's Vagina became the first "Spanish Edition" cover boy, only to see his production fall off by a mile. I guess Brett signed on to be the cover boy when he thought he was goin' fishin' but now he's trying to come back, and funny enough, it's not going well. Jinx!

Stud of the Week Cadel Evans

Is there anything the Aussies can't do? Well if cycling was on that list, it isn't now. Aussie rider Cadel Evans recovered from a crash on Sunday which literally tore part of his pants off to take the overall lead in the Tour de Freedom. Inky tells me that just donning the Yellow Jersey once in your career is a big deal, let alone having a chance to win the whole thing, which Evans does. Good on ya Cadel! I'm happy for you, even if you did cry like a little girl when they gave you the yellow blouse and the stuffed lions. Oh, sick burn!

Stiff Of The Week: Brett Favre

I know, I'd have never thought I'd have Brett Favre as a stiff of the week either. I mean the guy is lovable enough for sure. He's set all time marks in one of the most legendary football towns in the US on one of the most sacred of fields. His team is probably the smallest market professional team in sports yet they are one of the most well known. The kicker, he was addicted to pain killers early in his career and he's such a good player and all around guy that somehow no one remembers that. He had a season to remember last year and was a field goal away from going to the Super Bowl. It was in all a magical career for Brett Favre with a Super Bowl ring and consistent trips to the play offs. When he retired at the end of the season it was to a media circus and you would've thought he was Jesus reincarnated into a quarter back. So why oh why would I name such a stand out guy a stiff of the week?

Well lets fast forward about 6 months to the present. The Packers have moved on with Aaron Rodgers who should finally get a chance to show what he can do. He was after all one of the most highly touted rookies three years ago and has done little more than hold a clip board since being drafted while his small handed "better" Alex Smith has been a bust in San Fran. Now Brett Favre is asking to be re-instated by the NFL and then to be immediately released by the Packers. Favre is upset because the Pack didn't jump for joy at the news that he has reconsidered and wants to play again.....again. Who could blame Green Bay management, I mean we're less than a month from training camp, Rodgers has been practicing as the starter in mini camp and the team had moved on. They even cleaned out the sacred locker that was at one point referred to as "more than just a locker" by coach Mike McCarthy. So Favre wants a no strings attached release where he can go play wherever he wants. I'm sure there are plenty of teams that would love to have him, namely the Vikings or the Bears. Can you imagine what that would be like this season? Number 4 charging into Lambaugh Field playing for the other team, especially a hated rival....it's almost sacrilegious.

Brett, you've had a good run and you helped bring the Packers back to relevance after years and years of losing. When I had no team to watch because of the city of Indianapolis and a shit owner I adopted you and your team. I watched you improve, and go through your addiction, to ultimately winning a championship. I even own your jersey which is remarkable considering I don't own anything but Baltimore/Washington gear. You've had a hell of a career and you went out pretty much on top of your game. As I'm typing this John Clayton is saying Baltimore would be a good destination for Favre and I am hard pressed to disagree although I'd rather not see it happen. It would be like Joe Montana in Kansas City or Johnny U. in San Diego, a bastardization of a great player playing in the wrong colors.

Bases Loaded, Two Outs, Up by 3. Who you Gonna Call?

Outman, that's who! Inky and I met up with her family in Reading Pennsylvania last night to take in some minor league baseball and saw a doozie. The Philles sent 12 men to the plate in the first and scored 9 runs. But, this is the minors and no lead is safe and the Erie Sea Wolves started to chip away, scoring a crap load of their own runs. So, when all seemed lost and when the fate of the fireworks display hung in the balance the Phillies called on that Hero of a Hurler, the Caped Curveballer, the Masked Major Leaguer in waiting... Outman! Josh Outman that is.

I was sorry to see that all Philles manager P.J. Forbes did to summon him to the mound was tap his left forearm. I was hoping for a big bat signal like K that would shine on the outfield advertising wall. To make matters worse, when he did come to the mound he was just wearing the standard baseball uniform. No cape? No tights? No utility belt with objects to doctor the ball?

What a rip off! With a name like Outman you have got to play that up. Hell, this kid should be a closer, and use the batman theme music as he slides to the mound on a zipp line. That would kick ass, so much so that I wouldn't even care if he actually got outs. Sometimes your name fits your personality and sometimes it doesn't. Lets hope that the latter is true with another of the Phillies pitchers: Antonio Bastardo.

If Tennis Were Like This More, I'd Watch More

Sure the Wimbledon Final was amazing and all, but if this went on more often at tennis matches, I think we'd all watch more. Jelena Jankovic is just inches away from being qualified to be a contestant on Playboy TV's Foursome here. Good on her...

Mystery Solved

It looks like the "mystery" of George Sherril has been solved by the majority of Major League Baseball teams playing the Orioles. Tonight Sherril and the O's bullpen as a whole allowed the Blue Jays to complete a sweep in the Rogers Center. It should be noted that in two of these three games the O's led for all but the bottom of the 9th and the rubber game would've been a win if we could've not allowed inherited runners to score. We also lost 2 out of 3 to the Texas Rangers over the weekend because the bull pen all of a sudden can't get anyone out.

It's amazing how Sherril can be so dominant up until the O's played the Pirates at home in June. In that series he blew two saves then went on to blow more saves against the Nats. He complained of dead arm in mid June which should have been a warning to manager Dave Trembley that this guy is not the long term answer to the closer problem. I mean how the hell do you have "dead arm" before the mid way point of the season? I know he got a huge save against the Cubs in Wrigley after he loaded the bases with no outs but to not be able to perform night in and night out is not acceptable.

What is worse is he is ruining his trade value which a month ago was sky high. I'll even admit to telling Greazy that the O's would be crazy to trade him. After the last three weeks I rescind that remark. I'm also sorry he's our lone representative to the All Star game. I mean guys like Brian Roberts, Aubrey Huff, and Nick Markakis are far more deserving and have been more than a three month wonder in their career.

With the loss tonight the Birds fall two below .500 with three to go in Boston. My bet is we'll finish the first half at 5 under .500 with a dismal outlook going into the home stretch. This is a real shame because for the most part the O's have been fun to watch this year. The timely hitting is there and the never say die attitude is prominent but when you can't close the deal it's all for nothing.

Big Time Indeed

There were somethings that Inky, XL and I gave up when we chose to go to a DIII school, and being big time in athletics was one of them. In the 90's at least. We had a few teams that made a ripple, but for the the most part we were unknown. Fast forward to the fall of 2004 when a 6-7 freshman forward came to our little campus and some of that began to change.

We went to the final four with that freshman that year as he helped a group of upperclassmen come together as a great team. Together they made it back to the NCAA tournament the next year and put together a 53-8 record over the two years. We were ranked all year long, and people who knew DIII knew York College. Then the soccer team stepped up to national prominence, at one point ranked number one in the country and we had a wrestler win back to back national titles.

We were getting put on the map, but it wasn't like big time college sports. That is, not till last August when that young freshman forward -now a senior captain- was arrested for assault in an off campus beating of another student. Next thing you know he was suspended for two games, a penalty that seemed small at the time, but which ultimately lead to him missing out on setting the school and conference all time scoring record. Not to mention the fact that with him alone, the team went 34-18 and didn't make the NCAA's, even though he was scoring 20 points a night.

The jury in his trial is now deadlocked, trying to decide if they should find him guilty or believe his younger brother who said he did it, and was convicted in juvenile court. Headlines at last! I think I'd like to go back to the good old days of a low profile 8-18, thank you.

Nice Hat, Does it Come with a free bowl of soup?

"It looks good on you though."If you happend to watch a major league baseball game this weekend you probably noticed something strange about the hats the teams were wearing. In honor of the birth our nation, and to benifit the the Welcome Back Veterans fund, all MLB teams sported caps that had the team symbol overlaying the flag. Now I'm not a gun toating nut who finger-bangs my step daughter in the back of the trailor while my wife is working at Hooters, so I don't see the need to be over the top about my love of my nation. I love it by doing little things like voting, paying attention and understanding what democracy really is. What I don't do is wear a flag pin or display a "love it or leave it" bumper sticker, sue me.

So naturaly I think this display of forced, P.R. driven patriotism is aweful. Add to that the fact that MLB is selling these caps on their website for $34.99 and it is a total train wreck. Really? 35 bucks for this shitty hat? It's not like they even look good, because all the teams had to have the same color and the stars and stripes inside the teams symbols looks contrived and downright terible. The only thing that could make this situation worse is making the leagues loan team from Canada wear one of these hats with their own flag in it, dispite the fact that it is not one of their national holidays. What's that? Oh, shit:

DOG OFF!!!!

It's July 4th in America so what's more patriotic then watching a bunch of jack asses shove as many hot dogs into their faces over a 10 minute period? Do other countries do this kind of stuff when they celebrate their independence (or some other form of patriotic day)? Just minutes a go my wife and I witnessed the first ever "dog off" in the nearly 100 year history of the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. Joey "I've got high cholesterol" Chestnut held off Takeru "I love wieners" Kobayahi to win the mustard belt for the second consecutive year. Both eaters were tied at 59 dogs at the end of the regulation 10 minute eating period. Once the crumbs were settled the judges decided to go to a 5 dog eat off. Whichever competitor could wolf down their 5 dogs first would walk away with not only the coveted mustard belt but also the title of world's greatest hot dog eater. Chestnut started out quickly eating 3 of his 5 but Kobayahi was able to eat two at a time to take a 4-3 lead. Seeing his dreams falling before him Chestnut reached deep within himself to finish his 5th dog a half second before the Samurai of tube steak could swallow his keeping America's title where it belongs.

This is the first year I've ever watched this event and what is more impressive is how many people actually go to this. There were thousands of people plus ESPN there. What is great is listening to the announcers refer to this as a sport and speculate that if Kobayashi loses he would have to retire because being the world's best hot dog eater is all he has. I've gotta tell you, if I get to a point in my life where something like being the best at eating a type of food is all I have Greazy can kick me in the nuts and put me out of my misery. All in all though it was an entertaining 15 minutes and has caused me to rethink grilling any hot dogs today cause watching that shit is nasty!

A Mixed Bag of Whores

There are a few things going on in sports that I want to comment on. That is to say, each of these things are important enough to me to write a few sentences about in this post, rather than taking the time to devote a whole post to them. So I guess I don't care all that much, but here goes.

1)If Brett Favre comes back to the NFL, he should be shot in the testicles with a potato gun. I know that seams excessive, but I think it would be a shitty thing to do. Why is it that hundreds of other very high level athletes have been able to handle the end of their careers so well, but, Brett has been tripping over it for the last 3 or 4 years. I like Brett, but I think he needs to get a hobby or start banging a 23 year old. He'll forget about football real quick.

2)People have to stop bemoaning the move of the Sonics to Oklahoma City. Is the system broken? Yes, it is. We live in a world where a team owner can up and move to another city, with the full blessing of his commissioner, if the home city doesn't build them a 400 million dollar arena and provide him with four 23 year old Russian whores to be his harem. It happened in Charlotte and they got a team back, and at least Seattle will get to call their next shitty team by the same name.

3)Red Sox fans must remember what they were like 5 years ago and stop giving Tampa Fans (the few of them who go to games) a hard time for being pumped about being in first place. "It's only July 3rd" they say, but when you've never won (or haven't won since 1918) you have to take what you can get. During the Yankees dynasty, Sox fans acted the same way when they would have a lead in the AL East, and Yankees fans would tell them "we'll be in first when the season ends." Now, the tables are turned, and the Sox fans have replaced Yankee fans as the worst in baseball, and frankly they are acting like a bunch of 23 year old whores. Congrats, Go Rays.

4)Lastly, if Alex Rodriguez is really separating from his wife then it should be for a 23 year old skanky whore, not for a 50 year old talentless whore. For a guy who's worth a half a billion bucks, and is what some people consider good looking he sure picks strange dalliances. Remember the whole "stray-rod" thing from last year? Just another example of A-Rod striking out when the pressure was highest.

How Baseball Killed our Patriotism

It is that time of year again. The time when you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a fireworks stand, or walk two feet without seeing a sign for fireworks displays. I think I speak for everyone here at I&TSG when I say, WE FUCKING HATE FIREWORKS!!

Why, you ask? It seems an extreme opinion of something so iconicly American. Especially coming from three sports-loving-all-Americans like us. Well, there is only one answer; one explanation for this visceral reaction. Baseball did it.

About 10 years ago, the three of us were spending our summer toiling away at minor league baseball stadiums. Baseball really is America's past time. And, like historical America, it adheres to a strict policy of slave labor to save money. The "paid" intern. If you want to call it pay. You get literal peanuts to work 8-18 hour days, do demeaning tasks, and you are supposed to love it. The idea is that, if they like you, you can get a full time job out of this internship. So, then you can get underpaid a little better to do the same thing. Fun, right?

In addition to the number of crazy, stupid, ridiculous, and downright retarded things we all had to do that summer, there was one thing that changed us forever. Every Thursday and Saturday nights were fireworks nights. A beautiful display would go up into the warm summer night sky and wow the crowd, usually to a Star Wars soundtrack. Then afterwards, everyone would pile the kids in the car and head home. But, not us.

You see, to all you people out there who don't know, fireworks leave behind debris. Big pieces of smoking and charred paper. And, if the wind blew just right, this shit would land all over the precious grass of the field. Guess who had to clean it up? That's right. Interns. There is only so much magic that fireworks can have after doing something like that. The only possible exception would be New Year's in Sydney, Australia. Then we might be able to endure.

So, while you are all out celebrating the 4th, and watching those fireworks, think of us here at I&TSG, cringing with every colorful explosion. God Bless America!!