What Happened to Playing Golf?

Why can't anyone just retire anymore? Brett Favre doesn't want to hang around Mississippi and fish, Chris Chelios doesn't want to sit around Canada and fish, and apparently Lance Armstrong doesn't want to bang celebrities and fish.

Surprise, surprise the Tour De France isn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of Lance's return. Despite the fact that most short-sighted sportscasters think it's brilliant, I agree with the Tour. We've had enough of Lance. As much as his commercials make me laugh, and I enjoyed his run at the Tour, it is time to let someone else have a turn. As someone who actually knows who other cyclists are, let me be the first to say, thanks but no thanks.

Doesn't McConaughey have a project you can get in on? Isn't there a marathon, triathlon or hog calling event you can go to? I mean, Lance, we love you, but move on. Seriously. Let someone else have a turn in the sandbox. And, I'm sure all this anti-doping stuff you want to do is totally awesome, but there are still going to be people who think you are guilty. Face it. If Greg LeMond is convinced, other people are going to be too.

So, call up Sheryl or Kate or Mary-Kate (Ashley? I can't remember which one) and see what they are up to. Hell, there has to be someone available to make a sex tape with you. And, Diddy is always looking to hang out with cool white guys. Lance, I think you're up.