American Athletes Suck!

It is official, and in my book a long time coming, but I'm here to announce that American athletes suck. Lest you stone me to death, let me explain. Sports is supposed to be fun, a good time, a distraction from the everyday. And, it kind of is. But, it is also something else here in the USA: BORING!!!

There is just no fun to be had anywhere anymore. You can't change your name to eight five in a foreign language without Roger Goodell's knickers twisting. You can't fight your teammate in the dugout without every sports writer from here to next week chastising you. You can't even steal someone's bags because you're pissed without the whole thing being blown out of proportion. Loosen up, America. Are any of these thing really a big deal. Remember T.O. with the Sharpie. Joe Horn with the cellie. Stupid? Yes. Funny? Abso-fucking-lutely. That is the point. Have some fun with it. For God's sake.

I know we are biased here at I&TSG, but take a page out of the Aussie play book. They have something called Mad Monday. It is the day after the regular season ends, and all the losers go out and get blitzed and have fun. Some people, however, take it too far, as evidenced by Brendan Fevola wearing a dildo and nightie in public. But, you know what happens to him? NOTHING!! This guy peed on a night club earlier in the year, and walked away with a minor punishment and a new three year deal. Sure, they want the AFL to ban the Mad Monday practice, but they won't. They'll wring their hands and then forget it. Maybe we should try that here. Instead of all leaping up to freak out about small crap, just let it slide. It is not nearly as big a deal as you think it is. It's sports, after all. Fuck the sponsors, let the guys have fun.

Oh, and while we are at it, can we put guys in little shorts? It's kind of my thing.