Baptism By Fire

So week four of the NFL is in the books. The upsets were a plenty as they were in the college ranks. Greazy was delighted to see the Skins beat the Cowboys in big D, The Chiefs got their first win in like a year, and the Bears took care of the Eagles at home. The other "upset" that didn't happen for me was the Ravens beating the Steelers. The Ravens had that game in hand with a 13-3 lead in the third quarter when a stupid penalty led to a touchdown. Then on the next play after the kick off Flacco got sandwiched between two big defenders fumbling the ball that was recovered and easily returned for a TD. So two touchdowns in 15 seconds put the Steelers up by 4, they would go on to score another field goal. The Ravens made it interesting by tying the game but couldn't do anything on offense after that.

All in all it was a great game even though the Ravens lost in OT. To many stupid penalties on the Ravens front cost them a lot of field position and possibly points. Even though he's a rookie, Joe Flacco held up well against the number 2 defense in the NFL. He had the one crucial error but at the same time it's not like he had good protection on that play. He made good throws although with a little more zip some of the deeper plays could've been completed. For a first road game in one of the hardest road stadiums to play it was a solid performance. Next week we get the undefeated Titans who I also hate. Too many years of Eddie George and Steve McNair although in the end we got the better of them. I also hate Jeff Fisher because he looks more like a Nascar driver then a NFL head coach. It's only one loss early on but it's frustrating because I had little expectation of this team in week 1. Now they've gone and played really well for three weeks and I expect them to win them all.

Ups and Downs of the Football Weekend

This was quite a weekend in the world of football of all codes and levels. It kicked off (pardon the pun) on Thursday night when the number one team in the NCAA, USC, lost once again to Oregon State. It was just the harbinger of bad things to come for top 10 teams, as Georgia, Florida and Wisconsin all followed Southern Cal's lead on Saturday. The two College teams I follow both notched big conference wins this weekend as Penn State jumped to #6 nationally with a 38-34 win over #22 Illinois and Maryland won their second game over a ranked opponent by taking down #20 Clemson 20-17.

This weekend also happened to be the Championship Game of the Australian Rules Football League, and the game also produced a number one team losing. The previous once beeten Cats lost to the Hawthon Hawks as Inky, XL and I watched surrounded by Aussie Meat Pies, Aussie Beer and candy.

Sunday two other seemingly untouchable teams lost, one made me sad and one basicly turned me into a 6 foot tall erection. After three nearly untouchable weeks my fantasy football team lost by 45 points after most of my players failed to find the endzone. But, I couldn't care less about that, since the Washington Redskins went in to Big D and took TO out of the game en route to a huge win over the Cowboys!

In the end, it was all worth it.

Stiff of the Week: This Guy

Ladies and gentlemen meet Sean Kenney, who has taken nearly three years to build a lego replica of Yankee Stadium. Now, far be if from me to call this guy stiff of the week because he spent the last three years in a small room with a child putting 45,000 legos together into a 5 foot by 5 foot by 1 foot model. That speaks for it's self.

What I really object to is the fact that this thing was outdated the second he finished it. Now he has to get some more candy, put on his trench coat and drive around in his van all over again if he wants to lure another kid to "help him" when he builds New Yankee Stadium. Putz!

We Are Geelong, But We're in York

XL is making his way up to the Keystone state this weekend to watch the AFL Grand Final with Inky and I. Last year we watched it at his place, and he enjoyed the game enough that he's ready for some more.

So late tomorrow night we'll make our Aussie Meat pies, have some beers and hold our breath as the Cats do battle with the Hawthorn Hawks. Inky and I have seen Hawthorn play live, and we know what they are capable of. Oddly enough, we saw Hawthorn win, while we saw Geelong lose in person, so that only adds to the uneasy feeling we have.

The blog has been very quiet this week since the Orioles suck huge cock, and it's too early in the NFL season for XL and I to be talking too much about the Skins and Ravens. Add to that the fact that Inky and I have been following the AFL very intently this week and most sports at home have been less than important. We'll be back to full form next week though.

An Ugly Win is Still a Win

Inky and I got out of bed before the sun rose this morning, which is no normal occurrence, I assure you. I like to get every last wink before heading off to work, and Inky isn't exactly the early to bed type. What roused us from our glorious slumber? Sports of course.

The biggest downfall to liking an international sport is they have a tendency to take place at odd times here. And so it was that our Geelong Cats played a game at 5:30 this morning against the Western Bulldogs, which for them was a night game. We wiped the sleep from our eyes and settled in to watch the game, footys in hand.

The way the Cats usually win is, well, devastating. They take the ball away from their foe in defence and move it across the field with unbelievable skill, speed and efficiency. They kick, mark, handball and run better then just about any other players they come up against, and normally it's all over by the half. Sure, they've been tested a few times this year, but only one side has been able to beat them, once again in a game that Inky and I were at. The only game we've ever been able to see Geelong play live, but I digress.

This game wasn't really like that, or, at least it wasn't like that to Inky and I. Even though the Cats win was pretty well a certainty from midway through the second quarter on, it was never a complete certainty like we're used to. The final score was 12.11(83) to 7.12(54) which is good for a 29 point win, but it was the way they won that had us nervous. They looked like a regular old team, not the 23-1 giant that is the shortest ever odds to win it all.

I know that in the end, all that matters is the win, but I rather enjoy the amazing heights that the Cats can play at. In the first round of the playoffs they nearly doubled up their opponent, and that was with them taking their foot off the gas with about 15 minutes to go. In the end they are both wins, but we are left to feel much more vulnerable in the face of Hawthorn/St. Kilda in a weeks time. And that is a feeling I don't much care for. See, I'm stuck with the Orioles and Redskins as the only other teams that I really care about in the world, and they aren't going to be giving me a whole lot to cheer about in the next few years, so this is it for me. Right now.

That said, I was a bit nervous this time last year after the Cats eeked out a 5 point win over Collingwood in the Preliminary Final, and it all worked out for the best then. So maybe I'll try to stay positive. Maybe.

Stiff Of The Week: The NFL

I am going to preface this post for anyone other than Inky or Greazy that may read this. First let me say that I understand what a disaster it was that hit Texas this past weekend. I realize that thousands are homeless and millions without power. I realize that almost all of down town Houston is covered in glass from the sky scrapers and that it will be weeks before things resemble normal. All that being said the NFL seriously dropped the ball on the Texans, Ravens game that was to be held tonight.

Let's just review some of the terminology that was being used leading up to the storm making landfall on Friday. Words like "largest storm mass ever" and "certain death" were tossed around like "Good Morning" and "How are you". So what about this storm led NFL officials to believe that by postponing the game one day it would somehow go off without a hitch. The fucking roof got blown off the dome for Christ sake. Now both the Ravens and the Texans have lost their bye week which will surely affect both teams later this season.

What the NFL should've done is have both teams report to New Orleans or Atlanta for a worst case scenario game at a neutral site. The city of New Orleans could've benefited from an extra NFL game and the people of Houston should've been glad to give it to them. From a revenue perspective the NFL could've made it up to the Texans, it's not like this kind of thing has never happened. When Katrina hit the Saints played almost the entire season in other stadiums including having a "home game" in the Meadow Lands against the Giants. The Baltimore Sun reported that the reason the venue wasn't changed was because the Houston owner didn't want to lose the game. I'm sorry, if this is the only reason and there was not a chance of playing somewhere else the NFL should've had the fore site to reschedule the game when news of the storm's imminent path were revealed.

As a fan I should probably be happy to have the bye week done in week 2, now I have 15 straight weeks of Ravens football to watch for better or worse. But I know come November when we should've been off someone will be injured that could've used that week to rest and possibly cost us a win later. So for this reason among many many other problems I've had with the NFL in my life (letting our cities records be bastardized in Indy for starters) I deem the NFL my stiff of the week!

Hell Fuck Yeah!

After the Home Depot Presents Your Mom rolled XL's Chicken Heads 115-73 in week one, we stepped up our domination in week 2. Playing against the three time league Champions, owned by my cousin, I had a week for the ages. Lead by 4 TDs from Jay Cutler Your Mom racked up a 149 to 79 win, and moved to 2-0. Had I started Darren McFadden over Michael Turner I would have had 167 points, and I still would have had Aaron Rodgers' 33 points on the bench.

Many in the league questioned my intelligence, aptitude and integrity when I traded away all my best players for draft picks last year. But, after suffering though a 2-12 season, I've taken the league by storm this year, and even though I know pride goes before the fall, I'm fuckin' proud!

So, YCPFFL: How My Ass Taste!

*Also, a tip of the cap to the Bronco's for having the sack to go for two when they knew they were playing with house money. That win over Whales Vagina is one of the hallmark games of the year so far, and with all that offence, a fantasy football players dream!

If You Can Catch A Football You Can Write A Book

That title is a far cry from one of my favorite lines from Dodgeball "if you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball" good times. As I was browsing in my local Barnes and Noble's tonight I saw a New Arrival that caught my eye. The book is "More Than Just A Catch" by David Tyree with a foreword by Eli Manning. You've got to be fucking shitting me, all you have to do now days is catch a football in a Superbowl and you can get a book deal. Better yet the guy that threw it to you gets to write the foreword??? Nothing against Eli but I don't know what his qualifications are in the area of writing. He can throw the rock and stand in the pocket under pressure but can he keep people interested in reading a book? Plus what did he say? Something along the lines of "As I let the ball go I knew it was a shitty pass but then again Tyree was playing for his supper so I knew he'd find a way to come down with it" that would be literary genius.

I know I'm no William Shakespeare or Mark Twain but I'd love to think I could write a book more interesting than one by a guy who has only showed up for one game in his life. I mean up to this point all Tyree was known for was "sleeping with Katie to man....she's got big big titties" on the Surreal World hosted by Dave Chapelle. I think this marks at least the third book by a Giants player since winning the Super Bowl. It was a big win but lets not get carried away here. It's not like they solved world hunger or global warming by winning this thing so why are people buying these books? I guess this is one mystery I will not be able to solve but this is stiff of the week territory as far as I'm concerned. Being as I can't decide what is worse, writing a book about a catch or letting the guy who threw it write the foreword I will name both Tyree and Eli Manning as my stiffs of the week.

Another One Bites The Dust

After all the speculation and rhetoric yet another elite NFL player is having season ending surgery. Yes it's true the Chargers Shawn Merriman coming off a week one game where he played in like half a dozen plays has decided he can't play through the pain. While Greazy and I were on the road in Chicago and Milwaukee one of the biggest stories going on was the severity of Merriman's knee injury. The Chargers were saying that the injury was not that serious and they expected Merriman to play while Merriman kept saying it was career threatening and he didn't know what to do. In the end and after a pretty bad performance by the Chargers as a team on Sunday Shawn said fuck it.

It's hard to blame a guy like this for having surgery in a league where you can be a superstar one day and taken out like garbage the next. If you want an example see Daunte Culpepper. That guy had one of the best seasons by a quarterback ever, hurt his knee and then couldn't get a team to hire him to sell programs let alone lead the offense. I liked Merriman as a former Terp although he's kind of turned into a selfish pre-madonna in the NFL. He is constantly listed as not being a team player and goes against the teams wishes by driving out to LA one day a week to do his own radio show. The Chargers losing on a last second play to a Carolina team that wasn't supposed to do much this year probably didn't inspire Merriman to want to wish further injury anyway. So add another one to the week one casualty list that already includes one of the best quarterback's in the league.

What Happened to Playing Golf?

Why can't anyone just retire anymore? Brett Favre doesn't want to hang around Mississippi and fish, Chris Chelios doesn't want to sit around Canada and fish, and apparently Lance Armstrong doesn't want to bang celebrities and fish.

Surprise, surprise the Tour De France isn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of Lance's return. Despite the fact that most short-sighted sportscasters think it's brilliant, I agree with the Tour. We've had enough of Lance. As much as his commercials make me laugh, and I enjoyed his run at the Tour, it is time to let someone else have a turn. As someone who actually knows who other cyclists are, let me be the first to say, thanks but no thanks.

Doesn't McConaughey have a project you can get in on? Isn't there a marathon, triathlon or hog calling event you can go to? I mean, Lance, we love you, but move on. Seriously. Let someone else have a turn in the sandbox. And, I'm sure all this anti-doping stuff you want to do is totally awesome, but there are still going to be people who think you are guilty. Face it. If Greg LeMond is convinced, other people are going to be too.

So, call up Sheryl or Kate or Mary-Kate (Ashley? I can't remember which one) and see what they are up to. Hell, there has to be someone available to make a sex tape with you. And, Diddy is always looking to hang out with cool white guys. Lance, I think you're up.

Awwwwwww. . .Sick Burn

Did you hear that? It was the sound of millions of football fans reading about Tom Brady's season ending injury and laughing. I don't wish anyone harm, but this one is pretty sweet. (Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I totally do!)

Somewhere Drew Bledsoe is laughing his ass off, Matt Cassel is throwing up and Bill Belichick is seeing if he can get his soul back from the devil. In terms of fantasy football's biggest monkey wrenches, this one just might beat the Bears beating the Colts.

Now Tom will have more time to sleep with his model girlfriend and father more illegitimate babies. Oh, right, and give the rest of the football world a chance to talk about something other than the Patriots.

Tommy, call Carson Palmer, he can tell you what to do. And, Schlack, take heart. The Flyers' season starts soon.

And the Winner is...

Greazy! The other day XL made mention of the epic clash that was taking place this weekend. And so it was that the team from the Eastern Shore met the team from Central Pennsylvania on the cybergridiron. It was XL's Delmarva Chicken Heads lead by Peyton Manning and Greazy's The Home Depot Presents Your Mom lead by a scrappy young lineup of burgeoning stars.

Some of the Chicken Heads best players didn't give XL their best this weekend, as Manning put up 16 points, Larry Johnson tallied 8 and Chad Ocho Cinco posted only two points. XL's team limped to an anemic 73 points which won't be enough to stand up to the 92+ Your Mom racked up.

Through some very crafty drafting last year, Greazy had Michael Turner as a keeper this year, and was rewarded with a 34 point haul in week one. Reggie Bush got the call at RB2 ahead of youngsters Kevin Smith (13 points) and Darren McFadden (yet to play) and Bush was equal to his coach's expectations with a 22 point night. Dallas Clark's injury lead to a big fat 0, and the choice of the Arizona D wasn't the best as they only posted a 13 point night. Also Santana Moss and Larry Fitzgerald each only had 9 points with Brandon Marshall and Kevin Curtis both out, but with the running backs bringing the big lumber it wasn't a liability. Now it is just incumbent on young QB Jay Cutler to have a 20 point night to make Your Mom the number one team in the points race at 112 points from the weekend.

This was the 10th installment of the grudge match between XL and Greazy, and with Home Depot's win the series is all tied at 5-5. Greazy is the proud owner of a championship Pipe, while XL is a perennial playoff contender. They are both also very large men.

Reigning Cats, Not Dogs

While this may be the first Sunday of the NFL season, it is also the first weekend of the Aussie Rules finals series. In the AFL each of the top 4 teams get two shots at the playoffs which pits the top four teams against each other in the first week. Those who win get a bye into the semifinals while those who lose return the next week to play the winners of the game in the lower four. Click on the above link to see the bracket, trust me, it's awesome.

In the first game of the weekend, the number two seed Hawthorn Hawks toppled the third place Western Bulldogs 18.19(127) to 11.10(76) behind 8 goals from their leader Buddy Franklin. The win showed that their is a huge gap between the Hawks at number 2, and all the teams below them. Whomever the Hawks get in two weeks, they are in trouble.

The first of two games on Saturday pitted #5 seed Adelaide Crows against the #8 Collingwood Magpies who ended up at the bottom of the playoff ladder after a late season swoon. This game was played in Adelaide, but for all but one quarter it was all on Collingwood's terms. They pulled away in the second half to a 19.11(125) to 14.10(94).

The second Saturday game was at the former Olympic stadium in Sydney as the hometown #6 Swans (about two feel tall, white with a black and orange bill...a swan) took on 7th seeded North Melbourne Kangaroos. The Roos were giant killers during the season, regularly taking out top of the ladder teams, but they slacked off during the end of the season. The Swans are two years removed from playing in two consecutive Grand Finals, winning one. The game was played in the rain, and in the end Sydney pulled away from the Roos 17.8(110) to 11.9(75). The season is done for North, while Sydney will have another challenge when they take on the Bulldogs.

After watching the three above games on the TIVO, I stayed up very late to watch the fourth game live. It started after midnight here in Pennsylvania, and didn't end until after 3AM but it was well worth it. The reigning champion Geelong Cats took on the surprise #4 seeded St. Kilda Saints. The Cats overcame some erratic kicking early to bash the boys from the beach 17.17(119) to 8.13(61). All of the Cats fantastic skill was on display from the Defense right through the midfield and up to the forwards. The Cats earn the week off to lick their wounds (not always wise with that sandpaper tongue) while St. Kilda has a short turn around for next weeks game against Collingwood.

This Day In Baseball History

It is September, the pennant race is starting to heat up and as an O's fan I am left with just my memories of a better time. This day in Orioles history 1995 Cal Ripken Jr. broke Lou Gehrig's consecutive game streak. A record that was allegedly impossible to break was broken this night and would go on to be shattered at 2632 consecutive games. This record has sparked many controversies in the sports world as well as among our friends that are haters.

Even after Cal was inducted 2 inductions ago in Cooperstown I have friends (dumb ass friends) that will argue the only reason he is in the Hall is because of 2131. That if he sat down a game or so in his career he'd just be another mediocre short stop with no legacy. All I can say is I'm glad I don't live in Westchester, PA because there must be something in the water. I realize that in the juiced up era that Ripken played in his numbers are not as impressive as they could've been had he juiced. The fact is the man was the face of a franchise for 2 decades, a rookie of the year, a 2 time MVP, and a key ingredient in the 83 World Series championship. Not to mention all the All Star appearances and I believe 2 MVP awards for that game as well. He redefined a position once played by non hitting little guys and paved the way for the likes of A Rod and Jeter even if I hate both of them.

I digress, today is about remembering the accomplishment that it took Cal nearly a career to achieve. It also allows me to remember back to a time when I actually enjoyed tuning into an O's game. Another great accomplishment on this day was Eddie Murray's 500th home run which came this day but in 1996. Greazy was present for that game as he constantly reminds me so I will leave that historic post for him. But I'm sure he'll agree with me in saying that it is sad that both of us have to go back in time 12 to 13 years to feel good about baseball. The 08 season is all over accept for the crying, another sub .500 season but with a small ray of hope for 09 to be better. So today we will toast Cal, I'm sure on Baseball Tonight he will get a mention, and that will probably be the only Orioles coverage on ESPN for the day.

American Athletes Suck!

It is official, and in my book a long time coming, but I'm here to announce that American athletes suck. Lest you stone me to death, let me explain. Sports is supposed to be fun, a good time, a distraction from the everyday. And, it kind of is. But, it is also something else here in the USA: BORING!!!

There is just no fun to be had anywhere anymore. You can't change your name to eight five in a foreign language without Roger Goodell's knickers twisting. You can't fight your teammate in the dugout without every sports writer from here to next week chastising you. You can't even steal someone's bags because you're pissed without the whole thing being blown out of proportion. Loosen up, America. Are any of these thing really a big deal. Remember T.O. with the Sharpie. Joe Horn with the cellie. Stupid? Yes. Funny? Abso-fucking-lutely. That is the point. Have some fun with it. For God's sake.

I know we are biased here at I&TSG, but take a page out of the Aussie play book. They have something called Mad Monday. It is the day after the regular season ends, and all the losers go out and get blitzed and have fun. Some people, however, take it too far, as evidenced by Brendan Fevola wearing a dildo and nightie in public. But, you know what happens to him? NOTHING!! This guy peed on a night club earlier in the year, and walked away with a minor punishment and a new three year deal. Sure, they want the AFL to ban the Mad Monday practice, but they won't. They'll wring their hands and then forget it. Maybe we should try that here. Instead of all leaping up to freak out about small crap, just let it slide. It is not nearly as big a deal as you think it is. It's sports, after all. Fuck the sponsors, let the guys have fun.

Oh, and while we are at it, can we put guys in little shorts? It's kind of my thing.

Ring of Fire

I'm having a hard time getting myself psyched for tonight's NFL kickoff game. Part of the reason is that I am in postseason form with my other Football team, and it's hard to get back in that 0-0 mindset. Luckily for me, it will be a 0-1 mindset by the time the game ends tonight, which will be early to accommodate John McCain's need to eat and sleep early. What do you want? He's 72.

McCain and the Skins have more than their advanced age in common. They both are trying to regain power in DC at any cost. They both made poor leadership picks, but no word yet on the pregnancy status of Jim Zorn's kids. Lastly, they both stand no chance in their contest's in New York.

The Skins will lose tonight's game by at least 10 points, and part of the reason is the ring. Even without their best defensive ends, the G-men will be totally fired up thanks to a little Superbowl residue hovering around the Meadowlands tonight. I know it looks like petrochemical residue, but a close look will tell the tale. Eli will be fired up, David "I had sex with Katie too man" Tyree will be fired up and the defense will just need to push the Skins young receivers around a bit and get to Jason Campbell a few times to tilt the scale.

Greazy says: Giants 28 Skins 17.

A Reciver By Any Other Name

I'm sure by now you all know that Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco. Some people think this is ridiculous, and others think it is funny, and in the end it doesn't matter what any of them think, because it's his name. What bothers me is all this talk about whether or not the NFL should allow him to go by the name, be announced by the name and wear the name on his back.

Of course they should! This isn't Rod Smart who donned HeHateMe on the back of his jersey in the XFL. This isn't Sean "Puffy, P.Diddy, Diddy, Puff Daddy" Combs either. This is a guy with a legal document that says what his name is and the NFL can't tell him any different. There have been other cases of guys who have changed their names, and the name on the back of their jersey changed right along with it. Think back to the late 90's when UCLA HB Sharmon Shah changed his name to Karim Abdul-Jabbar (not to be confused with UCLA C Lew Alcindor, who changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar). When the football Jabbar got to the NFL with his new name in tow, he wore it on his back until he lost a lawsuit that sounded like an Arab law firm: Abdul-Jabbar vs Abdul-Jabbar. At that point he became Abdul-Karim al-Jabbar, which the NFL also recognized.

All I know is: "His momma named him Clay, I'ma call him Clay."

The point is, if a judge was OK with Chad changing his name, then Roger has to be as well. We live in a nickname world anyway, with announcers often referring to players by their ridiculous monikers, be it ARod, IRod, KRod or GayRod. Why would you shy away from calling a guy by his legal name?

"Black Up" Quarterback

You may see the title of this post and thing wow XL, that seems pretty racist. I guess it is but it also brings attention to a growing trend in the NFL. It was announced yesterday that Joe Flacco will be the Ravens starter in week 1 relugating Troy Smith to black up. It seems that when you scour the league you find quite a few of these situations. For example in Pittsburgh you have Big Ben who was blacked up by Chalie Batch but then he went down in the first pre-season game and Byron Leftwich was signed to be black up. In Jacksonville you actually have a black QB but he is not without a black up in Cleo Lemon. I'm sure there are more, a historical black up QB was Doug Williams of the Redskins. He was black up until the starter went down and led the Skins to the promised land that year. As the season goes on we here at Inky and the Sports Guys will keep our eyes on this potentially controversial trend!

I'd like to add as a side note that both Greazy and I use black ups in our fantasy league. I have chosen Jamarcus Russel as my black up and Greazy has Jason Campbell as his. I can't speak for Inky, I'm not sure if she is gracing the fantasy grid iron with her presence this season....but if she does I expect a black up!!