You Don't Eat at a Tittie Bar

DoucheMan Jones appeared on ESPN's First Take show yesterday morning and had some interesting things to say. The first was some kind of crazy, distorted view of his arrest record where he tried to say that he's only been arrested twice, not 6 times. Whatever, the paperwork doesn't lie. I think the funniest thing Pacman said came in response to a question Dan Jacobson asked about his visit to a strip club the night before his meeting with the Commissioner. He said the reason he went to the club was just to get something to eat, and that "there wasn't even no girls in there." Firstly, wow! You West Virginia alums have got to be so proud of the education your students are getting.

Secondly, if there is a strip club operating in NYC with no girls in it, then I promise you this: there are dudes in there taking their clothes off. I didn't know Pacman like to gobble up cock. Maybe that's why he gets in to so much trouble, because he's trying to hide his gay lifestyle. A strip club where no one's taking off their clothes is called a closed strip club. And they won't open the doors for anyone but the mob goons who use it as their "office."

Lastly, and most importantly is this: No one eats at a tittie bar. It's one of the rules, and I should know. I've been to scores of clubs (no pun intended) in multiple different states and I have come up with a few handy rules. A few examples are: *You don't get a lap dance from the New Girl or the really skinny girls *no matter what they say, they don't think you're "kinda cute." *She didn't really like you, and above all else *You don't eat at a strip club!

Moreover, you don't eat at a strip club in New York. There are literally thousands of great places to eat in that city, and a whole lot of them are open very late. Leave it up to this dumbass to miss out on great food so he can have a rubbery steak while he makes it rain.