It's Going to Be a Long Season.

I know it's just the first spring game, but the O's got the shit kicked out of them by AAAA team down in Florida. Adam Loewen, who's supposed to be the next Erik Bedard, had a line like one of mine at St. Joe's Prep Seminary: 1 IP 0 Hits, 3 Runs, all earned, on 4 BB with 2 Ks. I don't know if he was working on a new pitch, or if he is still defrosting from his winter in Canada, but damn that's a bad start.

Then the rest of the staff gave up 13 runs on 15 hits. The worst part is, I didn't recognise the names of half of them, and one who I did remember was taken by Tampa in the expansion draft in the mid 90's in the person of Esteban Yan. Everything old is new again!

Where Are They Now: PBA Champion Brick Fantana

It's been a long week here at I&TSG, a lot of posting has been going on and a lot of sports have been watched. I was speaking with Greazy on Sunday and he told me he had just finished watching a PBA event on ESPN. That got me thinking whatever happened to Brick Fantana? You've never heard of Brick Fantana? Well it's a good thing I tracked him down so we could ask him "Where are you now?"

XL: So Brick, long time no see. Why don't you tell the folks at home about your career as a professional bowler?

BF: I've been bowling for as long as I can remember. It seems I've had three fingers in a hole more often than I've had them out. I started out in league play when I was about 13 years old. My father owned a bowling alley so I got to play on the house team which was called Strike Squad. We took on all comers with me being the anchor of the team. At that point I was averaging about 240 a game and no one could touch me. During one of the last big league championships a scout happened to be in the 11th frame eating cheese fries when he heard not saw me bowl my 6th strike in a row. After we wrapped up the title he approached me about bowling as an individual on a tour.

XL: I guess being the son of a bowling alley owner has it's perks. How was it on tour?

BF: Well growing up in a bowling alley you get a feel for the types of people that you might meet on tour so I thought I may have an advantage. Boy was I wrong, behind the scenes in bowling is an ugly ugly world filled with drugs, alcohol, hustling and women. Well ok, not so much the women but it is not as nice a business as you'd think. I remember my first tournament as a pro, the current champ Big Butch McGovern stole my ball and cut it in half. I never knew it until I went up to my room at the Motel 6 and saw it laying there on my pillow. I was pretty intimidated and just barely made the cut. Fortunately another old timer Herman "the hammer" Brewster took me under his wing. He didn't like Big Butch and saw promise in a young talent like me, without him I doubt I'd have lasted long in the pro ranks.

XL: I'm sure no one knew the underground world of bowling was so harsh. How did The Hammer help you?

BF: He taught me a few tricks, like how to hide my real ball from guys like Big Butch and also how to intimidate other bowlers. I used to take Alka Seltzer tablets and put them on my tongue and just before the match began start foaming at the mouth and writhing on the floor speaking gibberish. My opponent usually believed me to be crazy which gave me an advantage. Over time I began to move up the rankings achieving a level I never dreamed possible. Of course like any athlete on top of his game I fell into a trap. I got hooked on "spinach" or at least that's what we called it. It was a very highly addictive drug that not only gave you a rock hard erection for 2 hours it increased the mass of your forearm thereby allowing you to throw the bowling ball with more power. You can imagine how it got it's nickname being as all bowlers idolize Popeye because of his large forearms. This drug also allowed us to go all night long with the bar maid in the 11th frame or the single soccer mom who brought her kids over to bowl on Saturday afternoons. A drug like this was to good to be true though, it's nasty side effect was your chin started to grow at an exponential rate and you would inadvertently start calling everyone a wise guy and doing this ridiculous laugh. If you used for too long you had this irresistible urge to go to sea, that's actually what happened to "the hammer". I was one of the lucky ones although it cost me my career and some of my boyish good looks.

XL: That's quite a story Brick, glad you were able to get off the spinach. So what are you doing these days?

BF: At this point I'm just trying to make ends meat selling bowling supplies to local alleys. The basic things like novelty condoms for the novelty machine in the men's room or large quantities of wax for the lanes. I'm hoping to receive my patent soon for the first ever lane Zamboni that will wax the lane between rounds of tournaments. I can imagine all the endorsements I'd get to have that thing waxing on ESPN with a hot model in bowling shoes driving it....

XL: Keep the dream alive Brick, keep the dream alive!

More Fruity Picks

*Oregon's Uniforms against UCLA. The only question is, how much more black could they be. The answer? None.

*Schlack is wrong YET AGAIN!! Will wonders never cease.

*I hope the Rays do get Barry Bonds. Really. It is about time someone, besides the Orioles, started picking up pathetic, steroid-ridden has-beens. Might as well be them.

*Is doing a back flip at a NASCAR race gayer than climbing a fence? We may never know.

*Soccer players shouldn't wear flesh-toned shorts. When they run fast, it looks quite odd. (see above pic)

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

It looks like August may be a great month in my world, pending the outcome of a legal action I may be forced to pursue against XL (he violated the terms of our friendship with wanton new Knight Rider watching and then tried to justify it by saying that the Hof made a cameo. My lawyer has been in touch, and we are working on a settlement which may involve watching Clerks II and Anchorman over and over again until I know I can trust him again.) Not only is it when the NFL starts to rev up again, and the month when I get to celebrate the anniversary of my successfully duping Inky into marrying me, but I'm going to be adding to my collection of ballparks.

XL and I hammered out the itinerary for a Midwest baseball trip that could only be rivaled by those two fags in the VW from the Mastercard commercials. We will fly from BWI to Chicago Midway on Wednesday August 20th. On the morning of the 21st we will head to Wrigley for a game between the Cubs and the Reds. We've been dying to see Wrigley ever since we were kids, and we've been talking about going together since we met almost 14 years ago. All that anticipation means we can't see it just once, so we'll head back to Wrigley on Friday the 22nd to see the Cubs play the Nationals at 1:20. Once that game is over, we'll hope the Red Line and head south to see the Sox battle the Rays at 7:11 in US Cellular Field.

While that's quite a full day of baseball, the next day will be awfully full to. We'll get up first thing and grab a megabus from Chitown to Milwaukee (algonquin for the good land) where we will see a 6:05 game at Miller Park pitting the Brewers against the Pittsburgh Pirate Hookers.

We also plan to add to our list of ballparks seen sometime this summer as we catch a game at the new Nationals Stadium on South Capitol St in the district. It's going to be a great couple of days!

Separated At Birth Part 8

We've always joked about this one:

Mike Holmgren coach of the Seattle Seahawks The Guy who played Webster's father

You be the judge!

The New Prince of Veggies

Spring training is always a good time for athletes to report to camp in shape and with a positive outlook on the upcoming season. We hear a lot of different changes that ball players make from work out routines to new batting stances. Occasionally a guy will switch up his diet a little bit or start eating protein shakes for lunch. In Milwaukee (Algonquin for the good land) Prince Fielder has decided that his 5 11" 270 pound frame is going to tackle becoming a vegetarian. That's right, the son of Cecil Fielder one of the fattest players of all time has stopped eating meat and fish.

You may wonder why after nearly 23 years of life Fielder made this decision. Is it because he wants to trim down that heavy frame or did he get some bad news about cholesterol levels at his last physical? As it turns out it's because his wife (already a vegetarian) gave him a book to read about how cattle and other animals are treated when they go to a slaughter house.

Evidently at no point in his life did Prince Fielder ever consider how the meat he ate got to the grocery store or to the restaurants where he ate. He claims to have not known what goes on when innocent little cows or chickens go off to become the delicious steaks and wings we all love an enjoy. This one book moved him so much that he made this amazing life choice.

I find this amazing, I mean if he has never heard of Jesus and someone handed him a Bible would he abandon baseball to become a minister? Or if he has never read Carl Marx (and I'd bet he hasn't) and he was given the Communist Manifesto would he demand a trade to the Reds? I'm all about life changing events but normally it involves nearly losing your own life or someone around you not reading propaganda books written by biased parties. For his gulliblity and for undoubtedly letting down his father (who may have eaten himself to death) I deem Prince Fielder to be my Stiff of the Week!

What Did They Think Would Happen?

Sometimes you just have to realize when you are out of your depth. New Jersey Institute of Technology has yet to realize that. For some unknown reason, NJIT moved up to Division I a few years back, and they are trying to compete with schools who can draw a bit more... how to put this delicately... basketball orientated student athlete. When I was in high school in New Jersey there were half a dozen members of my tiny senior class, who were going to NJIT. In addition to not being big ballers, the only other thing they all shared in common was a love of Monty Python and a similar heritage. In short, they were dorks, but the jokes on me, because they probably all make mid six figures now and I, well, I do this blog for free.

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With that background out of the way, I want to congratulate the Highlanders for doing what the Patriots, Dolphins and Memphis couldn’t do this year. Finish a season perfect. NJIT (which I always thought should be NJ Tech like Cal Tech or Georgia Tech...) Is the first team to ever go 0-29 after dropping yesterdays game to Utah Valley State by a final of 76-50. A 29 loss season can be taken a few different ways, but this isn’t the "we lost a bunch of 2 point games" 29 loss season. This is the "the closest we ever came was 9 points twice" 29 loss season. NJIT was 5-24 last year, and won their first game of the 06-07 season over Manhattan 56-55. The Jaspers repaid NJIT by thumping them 70-28 in the first tilt of this year’s campaign. Wow.

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You have to ask yourself why the Highlanders don’t just play in DIII like their brethren from MIT, Rensselaer Polytech and Worcester Polytech. And I asked that too, and the answer is: who the fuck knows. But they are going to try and stick it out in DI, even thought their coach quit and a lot of their players are talking about the possibility of transferring. And we wonder why the Japanese are so far ahead of us. They know not to mix their smart kids and basketball.

Greazy's Dream Match Up

When I watch sports on ESPN, I always have an eye on the bottom line. It’s a good place to keep up to date on scores, some valuable news and of course the Patriots Pursuit of Perfection, which some how got it’s own slide. It’s not all bad on the bottom line, since the limited space forces the editor to come up with creative abbreviations. Two of those space saving devices have lead to many jokes on my part, and the idea in my head of one hell of a match up.

When Old Dominion plays, the folks at ESPN have decided to dub them Old Dom. Most grown ups can see Old Dom and take the leap to the school in Virginia quite easily. I, however, automatically think of a Dominatrix who is past her prime. You know, like "the Old Dom spanked the crap out of the young sub." OK, I know, I have problems, but it doesn’t stop there.

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When Oral Roberts plays, ESPN has decided to refer to them as Oral Rob. Again, most mature people can see that and know right away that it is in reference to the Oklahoma school founded by the wack-job conman of the same name. I see a guy named Robert who likes to eat pussy and has earned a moniker befitting his predilection. "Hey girls, look, it’s Oral Rob. God, that guy has a hell of a tongue on him."

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Are you getting a feeling for what Inky has to put up with by being married to me? All that aside, can’t you see it. Big Tuesday on ESPN 2, and as they open on a wide shot of the Ted Constant Convocation Center the announcer says: It’s going to be a match up for the ages tonight Cotton, as the Old Dom faces down a hungry opponent in Oral Rob. Normally Old Dom is in control but Oral Rob has licked this challenger before." By the way, all this could have been avoided by using their highly obvious and longtime recognized abbreviations: ODU and ORU. But, that’s just me.

A Gigantic Waste of Time & Money

It's being widely reported today that the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have proposed a new 450 million dollar stadium on the water front in Tampa. I'll pause while you either laugh or reread the last sentence to ensure it's accuracy. Jut to recap, the Devil Rays believe they are deserving of a new 450 million dollar stadium. This is the same team that in it's 10 years in the majors has never finished above the cellar or even sniffed a wild card let alone a pennant. This is also the same team that trades all of their young talent as soon as they get remotely close to being free agents thereby earning them the distinction of a AAAA major league team.

All this being said, I believe they own the advantage in head to head competition with the Orioles. Of course this proposal has to go before the city and right now it doesn't look real good. While no new taxes are being proposed the tax payers would still be footing the bill for the majority of the project. This project also supposedly will help revitalize down town Tampa which is also kind of funny. I mean the only people I know that live in that area are over 50 and have too much money to spend before they die. It's not like it was in Baltimore in 92 when Camden Yards and the redevelopment of the Inner Harbor area helped re-vitalize a truly needy down town area.

I forgot to mention although you can see from the picture that this is a retractable dome that features the design of a sail. The sail would be able to retract in 8 minutes to allow you to enjoy the outdoor experience although in mid August I doubt many people will be into that in Tampa. The stadium only holds 37,000 and would have the smallest upper deck area of any other stadium plus not bricks would be used to build it. I'm not saying it doesn't sound cool but I just can't understand a city investing this kind of money in a team that hasn't even made an effort to win in the 10 years they've been in the Majors.

One Small Step for Woman...

Candace Parker is probably one of the two or three best basketball players in the entire NCAA, regardless of gender. And now she is going to exercise the option that has been there for so many of her male counterparts in the past.

Candace Parker is “coming out early” to make herself eligible for the WNBA draft (in which she will be the #1 pick) and she also intends on playing for the US Olympic team. Parker, who in addition to being a great shooter and defender can also dunk, lead her team to a title and may do so again this year. She red shirted her freshman year, and unlike most of the previously mentioned college men who left early, she will graduate a few weeks after she is taken in the draft.

I think this is a great step for the cause of women’s basketball in this country and I am happy and proud to name Candace Parker Stud of the Week!

Return To Sender?

Goddamn the NBA blows. It's just impossible to watch, but I took in a bit of Shaq and ason (cause he's got no J) first games with their new teams. Kidd posted a triple single that must have had Mark Cuban ready to tear the head off a puppy, with 8 points, 5 assists and 6 rebounds. He also turned it over 6 times, and even in the NBA more turnovers than assists is bad. The Mavs dropped the game to New Orleans 104 to 93, but don't worry, Kidd threw and ally oop to Dirk on the first basket of the game so all is well in big D.

Shaq had 15 points and 9 boards in his first game with the Suns, also a loss, albeit closer at 130 to 124. Keep in mind that, while Shaq may have been playing his first game with his new team and in a new system, the Lakers are still without Andrew "From My Hometown" Bynum who should be able to check Shaq pretty well if and when they meet again. The more startling entry in the box score was Grant Hill, who is apparently still alive, and putting up a double double with 17 points and 10 rebounds. Who, knew?

Separated At Birth Part 7

I don't think we've covered this one....I'm just sayin

I mean Look at them....

Separated at Birth, Part 6

Embattled Indiana basketball coach Kelvin Sampson.

Vito from the Sopranos.

You decide.

Pens Vs Sens

No I didn't get to watch the Ottawa Senators play the Pittsburgh Penguins. Tonight I took in the Binghamton (best when said Bing. Ham. Ton.) Senators clash with the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins of the AHL. First things first, we have to stop referring to the two towns just south of the New York/PA boarder as either Wilkes-Barre/Scranton or Scranton Wilkes-Barre. They should have to pick on name and use it for all their minor league teams, or else go by Northern Pennsylvania or something. Whew, I feel better now that I've gotten that off my chest.

A few things struck me about my time at Broome County Veterans Memorial Arena. First, was the putrid excuse for a hotdog that I paid $3 for and promptly spit out into my hand without shame in front of my whole row. Second, was the fact that from 1977 to 1980 the team was known as The Broome Dusters, which cracked me up. Then there was the douche nozzle that was sitting a few rows behind me in section 3. (I was in the front row, as you'll see when I upload the pictures tomorrow)

This guy really thought he was part of the show, and sadly so did a number of the Sen's faithful. He would shout some barely coherent sentiment at a player of a ref that sounded something like: "Hey Fleury, what kinda humma humna goal tending blahdee blah muffa dee puck frizzie butterfly position? To which the whole section would chime in: Yeah! As if this guy had made some great point. This went on through the whole game, and I couldn't believe that people were into it, but in the end, I have to admit, I wanted to stand up and yell: hey ref, you call that a mumba numba chaka lata hooking funzta lipta slashing dang ole boo you need glasses... and see if they would do it for me too.

Mostly I watched as Marc-Andre Fleury looked like an NHLer among AHLers for the first two periods, before holding on to win 3-2. There were two early fights, one of which took place right in front of me, and that added to my over all enjoyment of the game. In the end it didn't matter that for some reason the clubs mascot was a lion named Maximus. Or that only one of their six "ice girls" was pretty enough to make a JV cheerleading squad, because there was blood. And that's what hockey is all about.

What is better than a Hockey fight?

Another Hockey fight in the same game.

But, what's better than sitting in the front row?

The Zamboni

Fruity Picks

Since there isn't much happening in sports right now that I'm interested in, I decided to pick a few things from around sports to comment on. Also, Greazy is a damn stickler about posting.

*Bill Belichick opened up about Spygate, and says that on a scale from 1 to 100, taping other team's defensive signals gave them an advantage of about a 1. So, let me get this straight. You and the Patriots paid $750,000 and a draft pick for something that doesn't even help? Makes perfect sense.

*The Mavs-Nets deal hinges on Keith Van Horn coming out of semi-retirement and signing a deal? What the hell is wrong with the NBA?

*Speaking of, who designed those All Star uniforms, the fat guy from Project Runway? I know you need to sell shit, but let's get serious.

*Gotta give some mad love to the Phillies, for convincing one of their pitchers that they were trading him to Japan for a hot-dog eater, and getting everyone to go along with it. I love pranks, and that one was golden.

*Stop apologizing for taking steriods. It doesn't make you noble or clear you of wrong doing, it just makes you a douche.

*Which leads me to you, Andy Pettitte. First, spell your name with a few more T's please. Second, when asked if you were a cheater, the honest answer would have been yes. Saying you were stupid and desperate doesn't change that. It still makes you a cheater. God knows it, I know it, the American people know it.

*If someone pokes you in the ass so you can win a car race, can you really call that a win? Seems so.

*Duke lost. I don't really care, just want to rub it in XL's face. Turns out they don't get all the calls after all, huh?

*And, finally, in the I-Told-You-So-Schlack files. I told you so.

Where Are They Now: World Ping Pong Champion Barry Bardrinath

It's time for another installment of the now infamous "Where are they Now" column here on Inky and the Sports Guy. This week I had to travel to Colorado to catch up with another legend Barry Badrinath former World Ping Pong Champion. We all know Barry from some of his other exploits in an international Beer drinking tournament held during Oktoberfest in Germany. We also know a very little bit about his quick departure from playing Ping Pong and what became of him afterwards. Enjoy the following trancript:

XL: So Barry, it's been a long time, would you be so kind as to regale us with the story of your rise in the world of Ping Pong.

BB: No problem XL, I was fresh off of Hands Across America and had been playing at an amateur level for quite some time when I decided to set off with my good friend the Silo to where Ping Pong is adored. Of course I'm speaking of the continent of Asia. We started off in Hong Kong playing some random tournaments to get a feel for where I was in the big pool of players this continent had to offer. I soon found out that I had a long way to go. I decided the only way I would get better was to hire my own sensai of Pong.

XL: I had no idea such a person existed. What kind of search did you undertake and how does one train to be better at Ping Pong?

BB: I'd love to tell you that I went on a personal quest to the top of a mountain in Tibet and went through a series of trials to prove my worthiness but that is not what happened. I pretty much went to a classified ad and found a guy who claimed to be the trainer of champions. He charged 2000 yen a month and promised immediate results. His name was Edgar Poe Wong and he was a drunk but he could play Pong. He taught me all the tricks of the trade, how to use sweat from my sack to manipulate the ball during service and what type of lotions to put on my paddle to get the best kind of back spin. Before I knew it I was rocketing through the ranks of the Ping Pong underworld. I only encountered one other American although his name escapes me now. He seemed a little slow though and kept going on about some girl named Jenny. I eventually got to play the champion Chang Chow Mein in a non sanctioned match. It was a grueling battle back and forth that went to deuce with me finally prevailing by getting some good ball sweat on the ball on my final service. After that victory I was granted a chance at the championship which I was able to do much easier the second time.

XL: Sounds like you had things going your way, how did you end up losing it all?

BB: The short answer is I got greedy, I had won the championship but believe it or not money and women didn't come with it. I wanted to play for higher stakes so I ended up in a place called Ding Dang playing in a high stakes game. The guys I played were hacks and I couldn't believe what luck I had. I was up over 100 grand when I ran into the Dragon. He was unbeknownst to me the leader of one of the most dangerous gangs in Asia. He saw me talking shit and beating his guys and decided he wanted a piece. I actually beat him 11-0 which is called skunking. This next bit is still hard to say....he had his guys hold me down....and they...they shoved my paddle up my ass.

XL: Gee Barry, I don't know how I'd act if I had a Ping Pong paddle handle shoved up my ass...

BB: It wasn't the handle XL....I've been shitting pancakes ever since. I ended up forfeiting my championship and came back to Colorado where I would perform various sex acts starting at $1 and going on up. I was lost....it wasn't until Jan and Todd found me that I realized how lost I really was.

XL: Wow, that is quite a tale, we know that you were successful in your rehabilitation and that you and the Wolfhouse boys beat the Germans in a 10 boot beer drinking marathon to bring the Vonwolfhausen brewery back to it's rightful owners. Since then what have you been doing?

BB: I've started to run a half way house for male prostitutes. I realized that a lot of their stories were similar to mine. In a lot of ways we've all had a ping pong paddle shoved up our ass and I wanted to reach out to these poor souls and help them. I also help Jan and Todd run the Schnitz & Giggle pub as well as brew the delicious beer. It's so good I want to put my dick in it and then want it to put it's dick in me.

XL: Barry, yours is truly a story of overcoming adversity and excelling at other ventures. We here at I&TSG salute you and wish you and Team USA luck next year in defending your Beerfest championship!

Two New Terps

This blog is the second generation of a venture started by XL, Inky and over a decade ago. Back then it was "Out of Bounds" (or various other titles like Greazy Tony's Bar and Grill) and it aired to an audience of about 11 on the campus radio station. This is where we first started using the "stiff of the week" which was passed down to us by the show's previous host. I liked to keep things pretty lite, but from time to time we would have some pretty heated debates.

One such time was during the World Series when we got into the age old sports disussion about players going to games when otherwise unmissable life moments are occurring. Like, for instance, the birth of their child. We considered the fact that the player has a responsibility to their team, but moreover that they need to be there for the birth of their child. The NBA gets a pass, because you can't be missing 8 and 9 games a year, but we came to the conclusion that all other sports demanded that you miss a game for your new arrival. Cal Ripken lucked out by seeing both of his kids born on off days.

Brenda Frese is in a whole different boat when it comes to this issue, and she's been missing road games for weeks now, but it will be a while before she's on the sidelines at College Park now too. She had twin boys yesterday, who Gary Williams may or may not have begun scouting already. Congratulations to the Frese-Thomas clan, which is now doubled in size. Oh yeah, and congrats to the Lady Terps who made it an all around bad day in Durham as they toppled Duke to follow up on The Men's second loss of the year.

Separated at birth?

So I happened to catch a bit of that Friday night NBA famous people basketball game and something jumped out at me. I saw T.O. turn and look grim after a play, and I found myself thinking: What is Omar Little from The Wire doing there? It looks like we have another set of folks who are begging for a seperated at birth post.

Michael Williams plays one of the all time greatest charactors in TV history in Omar. T.O thinks he's one of the all time greatest NFL players in history. The similarities go on and on. And no, I'm not saying that they are similar because Omar is gay and I think T.O. is too. You were thinking it though, weren't you?

Take a look at the pictures and decide. I looked for some better shots but this is the best I can do.

Stiff of the Week: ESPN

To piggy back off of Greazy, I too was watching Duke hand Maryland yet another loss. I watched the first half and flipped back and forth in the second. I am a Duke fan so I was pretty sure Duke would hold on and pull off the win. The game was shown on ESPN which is no surprise considering the match up, what was annoying was during the whole first half (and presumably the second) the bottom line was nothing but a transcript of the Roger Clemens hearing.

That whole story is subject for another blog, I mean if three people are saying you did something and you're saying you didn't who is more believable? I think the media has overblown this story and Congress has over stepped it's bounds. The sports media is the worst offender though. I can't turn on ESPN without seeing some kind of update on this story. Even after the questioning was over the analysis and legal experts are still being brought forward to give more opinion and BS. I really don't care what Roger Clemens did or didn't do, he's a giant douche no matter whether he took HGH or not. ESPN needs to remember that it is a sports network not CNN, I realize this was a sports issue but they don't need to treat it like CNN is treating the election. So again ESPN gets a stiff of the week nod...it's hard to remember a time when I enjoyed watching the programming on this station.

A Look Around the Hardwood

Football is over, and even though Pitchers and Catchers are reporting it's going to take a while for my spring fever to get into full swing. So until the NFL Draft, the first MLB and AFL games I am all about College Hoops. It was a great day yesterday, if you were paying attention. Here's a break down:

Texas Tech 84 #22 Kansas State 75: Pat Knight got his first Coaching win in style as Tech (13-10) knocked off a ranked KSU (17-6) squad who had previously toppled unbeaten Kansas by the same score.

#2 Duke 77 Maryland 65. The Terps (16-9) had a spurt in the middle of the second half where they were having their way with the Blue Devils (22-1) but couldn't keep up. Greivis Vasques had 25 points and 7 assists but didn't get the post help he would have needed to knock off Duke at Cameron.

#14 Wisconsin 68 #12 Indiana 66. With Hoosiers nation distracted by their coach's misdeeds (remember Bob Knight, he never broke NCAA rules.) Wisconsin (20-4) was able to take IU (20-4) down for the second time in two weeks, and they did so on a last second three. Last time out the Badgers won by a count of 62-49 and in both games they got great performances out of unsung hero, Joe Krabbenhoft who is averaging 4 points 11 rebounds and 2.5 assists in his games against IU this year.

#17 UConn 84 #18 Notre Dame 78. The Huskies (19-5) got 26 points and 9 assists from A.J. Price on the way to a win at THE XL CENTER. These two will both be looking up at Georgetown and Louisville in the Big East, but don't sleep on either as both are capable of winning the conference tournament.

Davidson 83 UNC-Greensboro 78. I was on the edge of my seat watching the end of this game, after the Duke v UMD game got boring. Stephen Curry was amazing while scoring 41 points in 40 minutes of play. He was 14-26 from the field, and 9-9 from the line all while he pulled down 7 rebounds. He is just plain fun to watch, and could be on the way to scoring 3,000 points in his career.

St. Mary's College (MD) 78 Mary Washington 63. Mary Wash (14-7) now trails my Alma Mater by two games for first place in the CAC. Shetland Pont Guard Mike Smelkinson (they list him at 5-5 but he can't be any bigger than 5-3) had 10 points and 10 assists as the Sea Hawks (12-11) helped York out by knocking the Eagles down a peg.

My boys were on their CAC buy last night (having 9 teams is really stupid) but we got more good news in addition to the Mary Wash loss. Senior All American Chad McGowan was named CAC player of the week for the third time this year. He put up 49 points, 21 Rebounds, 8 assists and 7 blocks in two YCP wins this week.

Who's Turning Me On Now: Danica Patrick

So the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is out. I have no real strong feelings on this, which may come as a bit of a surprise, because: A) I'm a dude B) I love T&A and C) I'm a dude. Sure it doesn't make any sense that a sports publication has been putting bikini clad women in their pages for half a decade. (even if some of them are athletes or athlete's wives) On the other hand, you can see women with less on in the pages of about 96.3% of the mags on the shelves these days.

All that aside, I was immediately stuck with how hot Danica Patrick is. Sure, she may not have the same curves as some of the other models, but she has a real woman thing goin' on that really does it for me. I don't know if she'll ever win a race, but I do know she is a better driver than Anna Kournikova was a tennis player. Plus, you have to take your hat off to a woman who drives a car at 200 plus MPH with no drawers on. In her corresponding interview with the otherwise unemployed Dan Patrick, Danica cops to not wearing bottoms under her fire suit on race days. "Yeah, well, you know... they get in the way" she said before changing the subject. Damn! That's my kind of woman! I'll never be able to look at her the same when I watch Indy Car racing. Shit! I just admitted that I'm one of a dozen people who watches an Indy race from time to time. I'll hand in my card... In the meantime, here are some shots of Danica in all her hotness.

Exhibit A)

Exhibit B)

Exhibit C)

B-E-A-G-L-E Beagle!!!!

Just as I hoped it would, and I'm sure just as many people hoped it would, the Westminster Dog Show didn't end with some fru-fru dog taking the crown of Best in Show. No, this year it went to a real dog, a dog you could show up to the dogpark with. A dog that could be sitting on couches all over the country. THE BEAGLE!!!

It was the cutest damn dog ever, and I am very glad he pulled off the upset. In this time of taking down the big dogs of sports, it's only fitting that the underdog, the real dog beat all the fancy-ass shoe ins.

So, congratulations, Uno!! You rock. Maybe you and Eli Manning could host Saturday Night Live together. Now that the writers are back, you could help him carry the comedy.

Life Lesson: Don't Fuck With The Little People

If you are a sports blog reader then I'm sure you've seen the many videos of Chris Berman that have been floating around on sites like With Leather, Bar Stool Sports, Deadspin, and Busted Coverage. You may have also read the few small interviews with Ampex2000, the YouTube poster who has been putting a lot of these videos up. The lesson to learn here, children, is: Don't fuck with the little people. I love the line "Don't fuck with people who handle your food" from the movie Waiting, but this is a bit more important in my mind.

You don't have to be a broadcaster (for whom recording equipment is a part of the job, and thus you kind of forget it's there) to leave people daggers that you can be stabbed with. Berman acted like an ass, pissed people off and someone put these videos up to let everyone see what he is like when the tally light isn't on. But, for the rest of us it could be an email, a rumor, a passing remark or the truth about a situation you would rather no one else know. If you are a cock to people, like Berman has been shown to be, then they will find an opportune time to spring their trap on you and at best you'll lose face, at worst you'll be fucked. So treat everyone you work with well, and you should be OK.

As a side note, I worked in TV for long enough to know that there are about a million hours of video just like the ones featuring Berman. Every camera guy has a real of tape featuring women going down on guys in the stands, when they think they can't be seen. (I always wonder if they've ever seen the shots these camera's sometimes get of the moon, and if so, why they think the last row at the vet is a safe place to blow their guy.) Likewise, they all have blooper tapes and clips of "the talent" acting like asses. Some of them will cover for an anchor or reporter if they like them, but they still keep the video because, well, because that shit is funny.

If you haven't seen the Swami videos, check them out at YouTube:

Berman Talks about Duh, Duh, Duh's. (Canadian Drugs)

Berman thinks he's got game, talking to a chick about wine.

Boomer says fuck, a lot.

Chris is a pro... look at me, Pro!

The one that started it all: Berman Says Jesus Christ more than most Preachers.

Where Are They Now: World Series of "Go Fish" Champion Ed Nichols

By request I am now traveling weekly to catch up with champions of the past, to relive their glory and to find out "where are they now", this week we find the World Series of "Go Fish" champion of 1987 Ed Nichols. Mr. Nichols overcame amazing odds to pull off his victory in what has been referred to by "Go Fish" experts as the greatest hand ever played. The following is the transcript of our interview:

XL: So Ed, you were not an easy guy to track down since your rise to fame. Tell us a little about how you got into the game of "Go Fish".

EN: Well XL, "Go Fish" is a game of cunning and strategy. My grand mother used to play with me when I was just a little boy and she showed me the ropes. I remember the first time I beat her was when I asked if she had any 2's and I just knew she was going to say "Go Fish" but she didn't. She had a 2 and I was able to go out on top. It was the first time I ever experienced winning something and it felt good. I also felt the Lord was telling me to pursue "Go Fish" so I did.

XL: Wow, not only did you beat your grandma but the Lord inspired a great career, you can't make that kind of thing up. How did you rise to the top of the "Go Fish" world?

EN: It was not easy, other kids were outside playing tag and dodge ball so it made it hard for me to hold my own matches. Fortunately I had Larry the Leper in my class and he was never allowed to go outside. Larry and I would play for hours, he on his side of a bubble and me out in the real world. Larry may have been irreversibly deformed but he taught me a lot about my tells. For example, whenever I held face cards I would smell my upper lip and when I held an ace I put my hand down my pants. These were things I never realized until he pointed them out to me. After months of playing against Larry I entered my first tournament.

XL: How does one go about entering a "Go Fish" tournament?

EN: It's not that hard, my Mom just had to take me to the local YMCA and pay $10 for me to play. It kept me entertained for hours and allowed her to do what she loved which was random strangers. Heads up "Go Fish" is tough for most kids, a lot of them were used to playing with other siblings or parents but I was used to it. Larry and I spent hours playing heads up so I was confident and had learned to pick up tells of other players. It didn't take me long to house the field. This tournament turned out to be a qualifier to get into the World Series field of 64 so that's how I made it.

XL: Where is the World Series of "Go Fish" held? I can't say I've ever been to one.

EN: They hold it in Pawtucket Rhode Island where the fish are plentiful. As each contestant is eliminated they are taken out on a boat to fish so it's kind of a win win scenario. I blew through the first couple of rounds and ended up in the final four. The final four match was pretty grueling as I was playing a 75 year old grand mother from Houston who had a walker. She didn't take prisoners and even threatened me with bodily harm when I began to take the advantage. She tried to bluff me out but I could tell by the look in her eye that she was out of Aces so I asked for a Jack and took her down. The championship match was against a 35 year old guy who liked to beat his kids in games and rub it in. He also tried to intimidate me but I've stared down a leper so I was having none of it. Words can't describe how I felt when I took his last card and entered the history books.

XL: What's the prize for winning anyway?

EN: I got a life time supply of Bumble Bee tuna a new Atari 2600 and $5000 cash. For a young kid that's not bad although I hate tuna fish.

XL: I understand that you didn't enter the tournament again. Why?

EN: I felt like I had proven what I needed to prove in the world of "Go Fish" and decided to pursue a better game like Pong. I loved my Atari and soon abandoned all games that were not computer oriented. Looking back I wish I had spent more time outside.

XL: Which brings me to the question of what are you doing now?

EN: I am the day manager of a wonderful establishment called Weiner World. We are right in the heart of the industrial section and get tons of business from the employees at Edgecomb, and McCrory's. We used to do a little better when the Caterpillar plant was open but we're making in through. Tons of people still patronize our business.

XL: So you're happy with your lot in life? You enjoy flipping wieners all day?

EN: I won't lie, I'd rather be playing "Go Fish" and trust me I've considered coming out of retirement but I don't think I can get the time off. Also, Larry is dead now so I don't have a good sparring partner. I do hope one day to make it to General Manager of Wiener World though, then I'll be set.

XL: Nice talking to you Ed, and by the way you do make a mighty fine wiener!! I'll patronize your establishment anytime.

The Only Pro Basketball I Look Forward To

As much as I love college basketball at any level, I can’t stomach the pro game one bit. I find an NBA game about as riveting as watching two blue hairs talk about life in the depression. But, I couldn’t be more stoked about the upcoming 1976 season of Flint Tropics Basketball. From what I understand from their Ticket Hotline (1-800-TROPICS) you get a lot of extras with your ticket package, not only do you get a ticket for every game, but you also get:

A Corn Dog
A Large Orange Drink
An Autographed Picture of Jackie Moon
A Giant Foam Hand
An American Flag
12 Copyies of Jackie’s Hit single “Love me Sexy”
A chance to make out with the Ball Girl of your choice
Tatter Tots
A Squirrel (and another squirrel)
A pinwheel
An Much more

That’s a great deal, and the Bud Light ad/movie promo is pretty damn funny too. So Will Ferrell gets my nod for stud of the week.

Skins Ink GoBot to be New Coach

When your were a kid there was no more exciting and stressful time than the end of fall and the beginning of winter. You would flip through the toy section of the Sears Catalog and put big stars by the items you wanted for Christmas. After putting a million stars next to the three or four Transformers you were dying to get your hands on, you had to wait till December 25th to see if you got them. The wait was often unbearable.

Sometimes, you would open the box and get exactly the one you wanted, and the euphoria was palpable. However, sometimes, you would open the box and get a GoBot. Sure they were both cars, trucks, planes, etc that changed into robots, but Transformers were boss and GoBots just weren't sexy.

That's what happened in DC yesterday.

After weeks of waiting and circling the names of Transformer coaches we wanted, Skins fans went to bed last night knowing we got a GoBot. Sure, Jim Zorn is a capable football coach, and was quite a good player back in the day. But, he's not the type of coach we were thinking of. Don't get me wrong, no one wanted to open the sweater from Grandma aka Jim Fassel, but we thought there were other pretty good options out there. Who knows, if we had been given time to consider Zorn as a candidate for the head job maybe we would have been into it, but we never saw this coming.

Just like I never saw those GoBots coming back in '84.

Bedard To Mariners for Legitimate Prospects....Post Written Under Duress

Well it finally happened, Erik Bedard was traded to the Mariners for two major league ready prospects and three soon to be ready prospects. A deal that has been widely reported as better for the O's than for the M's which is probably a first. The O's have a notoriously bad history of making bad trades. From getting Glen Davis for stiffs like Steve Finley and Curt Schilling to the bag of balls we got earlier this year for Tejada the track record of our front office has not been good. So let's hope that this trade actually works out to our benefit and maybe before I'm 40 the O's can make it back to the playoffs!

This post is being written under duress as Greazy is standing behind me threating my life if I do not post more often. I'd like to say Inky will be following with a great post shortly but I fear for her life as he has her locked away in the basement.......

Stop That (Soulja Boy): Stiff of the Week.

This may sound like the curmudgeonly rants of an old man, but remember one thing: I was all about Rap when I was comin' up. I owned Run DMC, LL Cool J, Beasty Boys and Sugar Hill on tape. I even aprreciated some of the later versions of Rap, but things are just getting out of hand. Sure some of the hip hop of the day is like modern day Shakespear, but some of it is just excruciating.

Take for example: the song Crank That (Soulja Bou) by the band Soulja Boy Tell 'em. Nevermind the fact that the song repeats not only parts of the song title, but also parts of the group name. The focus should be on how mind-numbingly horrible this song is. And for some reason it has been deemed worthy of inclusion in the pantheon of "songs you play at a sporting event." See, and you thought I posted this on the wrong blog.

I was at a DIII Hoops game tonight (York 84 Salisbury 74) and low and behold, so was Soulja Boy Tell 'em. It may be a fad, hell, when I was a student at York you couldn't go to a basketball game without hearing "Woo Hah, Got You All in Check" by Busta Rhymes, so I know that these things come and go. I guess part of my problem is that York is one of the most monochromatic schools on the planet. We make the team in Hoosiers look ghetto. Shouldn't we eschew hip hop in the arena in the favor of Metal, Rock n Roll or at the very least Eminem.... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Please strike that last suggestion from the record.

I guess I have to include the arena DJ's in this award too, but the main part of the honor goes to Soulja Boy Tell 'em for putting pen to malt liquor stained napkin and "writing" this song. Yyyyyyyyyyooooouuuuuuu.... are stiff of the week.

Where Are They Now: Rock Paper Scissors League Champion Dilbert Diggle

A recent event on the campus on my alma mater York College has inspired me to again reach out to a former world champion. This time the "sport" is Rock Paper Scissors and the champion is Dilbert Diggle, world champion from 1982-1991 when he was beaten in an amazing upset by an orphan from the former Soviet Union.
York College held it's first ever Rock Scissors Paper tournament as a way to raise funds for Relay for Life. This is where I ran into Dilbert Diggle who showed me the ropes of this very competitive "sport". Below is the transcript of our interview:

XL: Wow, I never thought I'd run into an athlete like Dilbert Diggle on the campus of York College! What brings you here?

DD: Well I like to keep up with the "sport" of Rock Paper Scissors whenever I can. This being the inaugural event for YCP I couldn't stay away. I also have a nephew entering the competition for the first time and I wanted to cheer him on.

XL: A lot of my readers are not familiar with your story. Would you care to recap what made you famous and what it's like to be a former Rock Scissors Paper world champion?

DD: Well XL, first of all you're always a Rock Scissors Paper World Champion. I started playing when I was 8 years old with a group of friends. Back then there wasn't a fancy tournament room or referees to keep the game clean. You had to rely on your own tenacity and intestinal fortitude to survive. I remember a bout I had in 81 before I made it to the big time. I was playing this 15 year old kid who was twice my size and I had won the fiirst game paper over rock and he had one the second game scissors over paper. This last game was for match point and I threw out scissors knowing this behemoth would not be smart enough to put out rock. He tried to say that the paper he put out was really made of concrete and it would break my scissors but I held firm and told him that scissors always beats paper no matter what it was made of. He backed down and I have never felt more confident in myself. It was that match that inspired me to go pro at such a young age.

XL:That is an impressive start to your career. By going pro did you get any lucrative sponsorships to make some extra money?

DD: Well I had a guy from Holt paper approach me about being a spokesman for them but I would've had to throw paper more than 50% of the time to get any sponsorship money so I decided it was better to go pro without selling out.

XL: So how did you become the World Champ?

DD: I had to compete in a bunch of back yard tourneys to start. They were usually round robin style but I never lost. It was like I knew what my opponent was going to throw before he did. It wasn't long before I was on the national stage in Bismark, North Dakota where all the real players play. The match for World Champ was a best of 7 against an Asian kid whose name escapes me. I've never been more nervous in my entire life than staring down that 4' kid but after three throws I found myself up 3-0. With one throw to go I was sweating more than Gary Williams during a Duke game but I reached deep down and pulled out a rock to win. It was a roller coaster from there.

XL: I heard that in the mid 80's you started to come out to the matches to Michael Jackson's Billie Jean wearing the one glove on your right hand and a fancy bright red robe. Is this true?

DD: Those are some memories I'd like to forget, I was actually on "the rock" aka cocaine at the time and thought that the outfit made me more of a tough guy. I don't remember a lot of those matches, it's amazing I held on to the championship so long.

XL: That sounds pretty wild although to be fair a lot of people were on "the rock" in the 80's. Tell me about losing to the Russian orphan in 91.

DD: That was a crazy day. I had just left rehab for the 7th time and still felt unstoppable. This kid was amazing, it was like he had mind control over me. I think his name was Debo but I'm not sure. I guess not having parents he had a lot of free time to practice and had been watching all of my file footage to guess my tendencies. I was humiliated and retired from active play immediately following that loss.

XL: That was a tough loss, I remember reading about it in the paper. You dropped off the face of the earth after that.

DD: Yeah, there was no place for a guy like me in the Rock Paper Scissors world anymore. I decided to go out and get a real job. I tear movie tickets at the Regal Cinemas at the mall now but I still find time for events like this. Although seeing all this excitement makes me itch a little bit for some rock....do you have some?

XL: No, I just sold my last bit to some frat boys who were going to have hookers do lines off their dick but I'm sure you can score some if you look hard enough. Thanks for taking time away from your busy schedule to talk to me.

Stud of the Week: Reebok

The ads in this year’s Superbowl were about the same as always. A few were great like the screaming animals, the big pigeons or the mouse jumping out of the wall. However, none that aired in the game were as good as the Reebok ad that premiered right after the game ended.

It’s obvious that there is another version of this Perfectville ad where the ’72 Dolphins welcome the ’08 Patriots to town, saying something like “Look, we’ve got a new neighbor. Perfect!” And that would have been clever and all, but what makes this one so genius is the smug on smug action.

Mercury Morris gets the game ball from Eli, and he gets to enjoy the fact that the Patriots aren’t “on his block” anymore. It’s a great job by whatever ad agency put it together, and even an even better job by Reebok to greenlight it. For that reason, they are my Studs of the Week!

Dynasty Denied

A more satisfying football game I have not seen since the Ravens beat the Giants 34-7 in Super Bowl XXXV. As I stood in front of my television during that last drive by the Giants words cannot describe the euphoria I felt watching a team I have no interest in upset the supposed unbeatable Patriots.

I chose to watch this game with just my wife in the comfort of my own home because the band wagon has reached Delmarva and almost everyone I know was on it in full force routing for the Pats. Some will say they've always liked the Pats and are "die hard" fans but when asked to name two players other than Tom Brady and Adam Vinatieri from the 2002 team they look at you like you have 2 heads. Others will say that this version of the Patriots is the greatest team to ever play football and "deserve" to win it all and make history.

To me this is pure bull shit, it's one thing to cheer for a team when yours is out of contention but it's another to go out and buy their colors and began to pretend that you've supported them loyally for years. I was a Green Bay Packers fan from the time the Colts abandoned Baltimore until the Ravens arrived in 96. As soon as the local flavor was back in town I was on board and buried my Brett Favre jersey in the back of my closet. It's seen the light of day a couple of times including in the play offs this season but they are less than a secondary team for me at this point.

My wife couldn't understand why I got so much pleasure in watching the Patriots dream of an undefeated season go down faster than Bud Dry after Bud Bowl III. Not only does Tom Brady and Bill Bellechick have to live this off season with their smug attitudes thinking what might have been, all of these "Patriot fans" and the real ones HAVE TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!. All season with why we should respect what the Pats have done and why everyone should be routing for them. Why?? What other sport do you hear fans try to sell you on why you should abandon your team and cheer for their's? The Red Sox fans are almost as bad but not quite there, I can even find myself cheering for the Sox a little bit because I absolutely despise the Yankees. However I think now with two championships in three years they probably need to shut the fuck up too.

All in all last night was fucking awesome and almost made me forget that I now have nothing to look forward to sports related until the NFL draft at the end of April. Yeah pitchers and catchers report in a few weeks and I'll pretend to care but I know we'll be lucky to be over .400 again this year and have to endure listening to all the pre-season bullshit of how the Red Sox and Yankees will battle it out. At least if all goes well I'll get to knock out three new ball parks by going to D.C. and Chi-Town in June. The only negative in the Giants win for me is that my hatred of the Patriots was so great that I was actually genuinely excited for a New York team to win a championship....that should never happen.

Crow Sandwich, Crow Soup, Crow Gumbo

I just got done watching Tiki Barber interviewing former teammates after the Superbowl. It struck me as odd, considering how Tiki was running his mouth earlier this year. Talking shit about how Eli Manning wasn't a leader and how he couldn't get it done. I know Eli just won the Superbowl, but I don't think I could have managed to not punch him in his smug face in that situation.

So, yes, The Giants upset the New England Patriots and won the Superbowl. How many people called that one? It is times like this when I wish I could get a job as a sports writer. Here is another classic example of getting to be wrong, A LOT, and still keeping your job. No one faulted anyone for picking the Patriots. No one gave the Giants a chance. Article after article, interview after interview, stat after stat. It was understood that the Patriots would push the Giants buttholes in. I was wrong too. I didn't give the Giants a chance. I saw the Patriots first hand. They were unstoppable. So, now, everyone can scramble to kiss Giant ass, and make like they saw it coming.

But, they didn't. The Giants won, and outside the Manning family, no one thought they would. Especially, by three. I can't help wondering what Adam Vinatieri was doing last night. Or why the Patriots would choose to go for it on 4th and 13, instead of trying to kick a field goal which would have made the Giants 17 points only a tie. But, then I am reminded of something Bill Belichick said when we saw him post-game against the Redskins. They were winning by over thirty in that game, and went for it on 4th and one. Someone after the game asked him why. His reply, "What were we supposed to do, kick a field goal?"

The answer, is yes. But, Bill Belichick is arrogant. As evidenced by the fact that instead of showing grace in defeat last night, he was a twat as usual. Watching the Patiots lose was a very satisfying thing, indeed. And, I don't even like the Giants. So, we finally got a good game to watch, and had excitement until the very end. There were even a few good commercials. I hope the Patriots got some good video of Tom Brady getting sacked. It will go nicely with their collection.

Two in the Pink, One in the Stink

Well that's what we call a good ole fashioned shocker! After Tom Brady leads his team down the field for a 14-10 lead, Eli "Don't Call Me the Other" Manning one upped the cleft chinned one with an amazing drive of his own. The play where Eli wiggled out of a few sure sacks and got the ball off to David "I had sex with Katie" Tyree may be the best play in Superbowl history. Not only was that pass amazing, but the catch was ten times better. Keep in mind, I am a life long Redskins fan, but I can acknowledge when I see greatness.

I've always loved the Manning boys, and it is sure nice to see them win back to back Superbowls. But, it has been hard on me to find myself rooting for the Eagles, Giants and Ravens this year, Just because I hate how cocky the Pat's fans are. For the longest time in my life I hated New York fans more than anything in the world, but now I hate the Patriots fans more, because they made me feel like I had to root for a New York team.

Greazy says: The only thing worse than a New York team, is a team who is so full of themselves that they make you cheer for a New York team.

In the end, I think it is safe to say this was one of the greatest, if not the greatest, Superbowls of all times. When you factor in the circumstances, the perceived disadvantage the Giants were in and the last 4 minutes of play, I don't know what can hold a candle to it. It has a whiff of the 1980 Russian team losing to the upstart American's. One for the ages.

Where Are They Now: Bud Bowl III MVP Bud Dry

Who could forget the classic series of Bud Bowl featured throughout the Super Bowl for 8 glorious years in the late 80's and early 90's. These battles of the keg iron are now legend in the BFL (Budweiser Football League) archives. With Budweiser ultimately taking the 8 game series 5 games to 3 there is very little for Bud Lite to remember of note however they did have one glorious game Bud Bowl III with an upstart quarterback that led them to the promised land in 1991.

Budweiser had all the momentum throughout this game bringing in the Freezer on a huge goal line touch down and using the advantage of the "Long Neck" to score a late touch down to go ahead. It was Bud Dry who not only ran for a Touch Down on a trick play but also completed a play action pass to keep the Lite beer close. In the end Lite prevailed with an amazing kick off return as time expired in a play similar to Cal-Stanford's 82 "The Play".

It's been 17 years and I was able to catch up with Bud Dry to see what he's been doing with his time. The below is the transcript of our interview:

XL: So Bud Dry, we haven't seen or heard from you since your stand out performance in Bud Bowl III. What have you been doing with yourself?

BD: Well XL, that game was the high light of my career but after that things just took a turn for the worse. I was on top of the BFL world and thought that nothing would stop me, I knew with Bud Lite returned to glory I'd be the center piece of the team for years to come. That's when I decided I would hold out for more money to play next season.

XL: Wow, that was never published in the sports media, how did that work out for you?

BD: Not real good, it turns out there wasn't much of a market for Bud Dry, people didn't want a beer that would leave them thirstier and also had a little bit of a piss taste to it. Although I didn't agree with their criticism the Clydesdales (or the Dales as I call them) decided that they didn't want to have me back and I ended up on the streets of St. Louis giving cap for spare change.

XL: Would you say that was your rock bottom?

BD: Absolutely, I couldn't get a job anywhere, no one wanted a Dry beer for anything, not even to clean the acid off their car battery. I tried taking some performance enhancing drugs to boost my alcohol content but all that did was make me flat and watered down. I had no where to go and no one cared what happened to me. I was seconds away from jumping off the arch when my life was changed forever.

XL: Wow, what happened that brought you back?

BD: Well one of the Dales son's spotted me and remembered me from that magical Bud Bowl III game. He told me that I was his hero growing up and how he appreciated the miraculous victory I brought about for Bud Lite. He wanted me to come back to work, not as a quarter back but as a scout for future Bud Lite players. He said if I could clean myself up he'd help me get back on my feet and I'd be back in the game even though I wouldn't be playing. So I've been up in the Molsen Canada League where the rules are a little different but the talent is plentiful.

XL: Well that is some story Bud Dry, I'm glad I could track you down to share your story with the people on this the most sacred day for any former Bud Bowl player Super Bowl Sunday.

It's About Fucking Time

Great! Now I have to add Canton to the list of places I have to go this year. First it's Seattle and Denver for work, then it's Australia with Inky and Chicago with XL. Just when I thought my travel schedule was all booked, the Football hall of fame decided to right a wrong, and induct Art Monk. Oh yeah, and Darrell Green too.

It's has been far too long a wait for Monk who was a Hall of Famer the day he hung up his #81 with the Skins (those years in Philly and New York don't count in my book). I am just one of the myriad of people who have pointed out that Monk was one of the 2 or 3 best Recivers of his time, and it's about time he gets his due.

As for Green, well we all knew he was a first ballot guy since he hung up his #28. I was at his last game, fittingly enough a win over the Cowboys, and even the Dallas fans had to admit he was Canton bound in 5 years. I like that both men (who by the way are among the classiest people to play the game too, in addition to being great on the gridiron) will get to go in together, and they may even share a person for their intro's, as Joe Gibbs was close to both of them, and will have little to do in August.

Live in Chitown: Midmajor Hoops.

It's been kind of quite around these parts over the last few days. Part of that is because there's not much going on in sports these days, part of that is because Inky and XL are fucking slackers. I'm on a business trip, and it falls to me to do some sports blogging. So here it is: I attended my first Horizon League game last night, or as I like to call it: Ho League game. I headed west to the UIC Pavilion on the campus of the University of Illinois-Chicago to watch the Flames take on the Vikings of Cleveland State. I chose this game because CSU recently toppled Ho League front runners, Butler, but I made the wrong choice.

First and foremost, the UIC Pavilion is what you get when you mate an NBA arena and a middle school's multi purpose room. You know the kind, where they can use it for lunch, a gym and auditorium. The huge blue curtain somewhat drowned out the excitement of hundreds of screaming fans, seemingly as many members of the dance team and cheer squad and the quaint pep band. The game itself featured a 29 point performance from Scott Mayo as he joined the 1000 point club at UIC.

The hosts used the scoring of Mayo and the towering nature Scott VanderMeer (you can't teach seven feet) to win 74 to 68. My other choice on Thursday night was the clash between Loyola and Youngstown state. As it turns out I picked the wrong Chicago vs Ohio game, as this game came down to a buzzer beating three pointer to win it 69 to 68 for Loyola. Damn! I wish I had caught that, but there's always next time.