Dick or Treat??

This may go down as one of the funniest stories of the year as far as I'm concerned. Apparently Jon Kitna decided to dress up as Lions defensive line coach Joe Cullen who was arrested in 2006 for a DUI which included him being naked and harrassing the drive thru chick at a Wendys. So Kitna being the prankster he is dressed in a "naked man" suit and his wife dressed as the Wendy's chick to make lite of this situation. I find this to be hilarious and would totally do this to Greazy or any of my friends that would be stupid enough to get caught doing something like this. Of course the Detroit media has condemned Kitna for this and he has apologized and said all the right things even though Cullen was not mad. His first question to Kitna was "did you win" so I don't even know why this is a story other than the fact that it is hilarious. So Jon Kitna and his wife are my studs of the week while the Detroit media is my stiff of the week.

Someone Needs to Get Denver's Shoelaces.

I'm just sayin' after two days like this, we may want to keep an eye on those mile high folks. In one 24 hour period the Rockies lost to the Sox and the Broncos watched as Bret Favre threw and 80 yard TD on the first play of OT. I don't want to say that Denver athletes are a huge bunch of floppy pussys, but damn. At this point it looks as if Denver is the anti-Boston, or the Bizaro Boston.As for the fans: at least you've got the Avalanche and the Nuggets....or is that not helping?

Inky's Take: On the Sideline

Well, as you know by now, we were at the Pats/Skins game Sunday. Wow, is all I have to say. Not to the blow-out victory, not to the play of Tom Brady. But, Wow. To the coolness that is being "behind the scenes" of a game.

Waiting for the elevator, because the owners have to go up first. Standing on field-turf, getting sand in my shoes. Watching James Thrash run a route that could have killed me if he were at full speed. Seeing how much goes into making the game happen. Beyond cool. There were several things I didn't get to do, either because tact prevented it, or it just wasn't possible. So, here is a short list of things I didn't get to do at the game, but wish I could have.

1) Ask Sonny Jurgensen if he liked the chowda in the press box.

2) Find out where the Pats cheerleader dressed like a construction worker got her high-heeled work boots.

3) Tell Daniel Snyder, owner of the Redskins, that he looks way shorter in person.

4) Tell Belichick that his sweatshirt is beyond hideous, and going for it on 4th down when you are up by 38 IS in fact running up the score, and yes, you should kick a field goal.

5) Streak
6) Wrestle Tom Brady to the ground and wiggle on top of him.

But, let's not focus on the negative, let's focus on the positive. I WAS ON THE SIDELINES OF AN NFL GAME!! Suck on that, bitches.

Greazy's Take: On The Sideline

Well, I thought the Skins would lose, but not by that much! I'm going to be honest, I was less concerned with the game then I was with the experience of being on the sideline. This wasn't my first rodeo, I've been on the sideline of College Football games, in the Green Monster during a Sox game, and in the press box for an O's games. But, this had a totally different feel to it. Hell, it wasn't even the first time I'd been on the side line at Foxboro. But, this was regular season NFL football, and one of the best teams I've ever seen. The Pat's might be able to beet the whole NFC Probowl team.

Inky and I enjoyed our credentials very much. We took the time to hang out in the press box (and eat lunch next to Sonny Jurgensen) and we wondered the side line watching pregame warm ups. I quite enjoyed watching the Skins go through their drills, although it would turn out that the practice wasn't really necessary. The highlight for me was seeing the costumes the cheerleaders came up with to celebrate Halloween. Let me just say that the Pat's cheer team is far and away better looking then the Dallas Cowgirls, and hotter than you can believe when you are 10 feet from them.

In the end, my biggest problem was with some awful reporting by the walking butt (Pam Oliver pictured left). Mama Can was trying to stir up a story where there was none, and drew a member of my family into it to boot. She was trying to make the Redskins intermittent coach-to-QB communications issues a bigger deal then they really were. Just like the people who tried to stir up shit by saying that Gibbs didn't shake BB's hand after the game which was, of course bullshit.

Here are some more shots from our time on the sidelines: View from the press box during Pregame): For the ladies, Tom Brady: Inky (with Pam behind her): What's The Daniel Doing Here? (Damn There's Pam again. Maybe she should do more work so she can get her storys straight.)

The Cheerleaders looked great from any angle:

Inky and I almost got run over a few times:

I think the Skins knew in pregame that they would lose, I just don't think they thought it would be 52-7: When your team isn't loosing by 30+ it's actually a nice place:

To Youk or Not to Youk....That is the Question

I ask myself this question most weekends after a long night of drinking and most times I choose not to Youk (or yuke). I guess Terry Francona is going along with me on this Saturday night being as Kevin Youkalis will be riding the pine tonight in Colorado. This is always a point of contentinon in the World Series as just about every American League team is carrying somebody that is a true defensive liability hell some teams carry more than one. Boston being no different had to choose between David "don't call me Junior" Ortiz or Kevin Youkalis both of whom are having phenomenal post seasons.

On one hand Youk is batting over .400 and made no errors while being a very dangerous number 2 hitter. On the other hand you have Ortiz who is the perrenial DH and is also batting over .400 for the post season. Ortiz has a greater lore about him with all the game winning home runs he hit to keep Boston alive in 04 and probably any good manager would find a way to keep him in the game. The problem is he has played a total of 27 games at first base since 2005 so he is probably a little rusty. I wonder if he even still carries a glove with him to the ball park.

The other defensive liability in Boston is Manny Ramierez. While he can play the monster as well as anyone he will probably be lost with all the real estate in left at Coors. I don't know if this will cost the Sox but just like they benefited from the friendly confines of Fenway expect the Rockies to benefit from their home turf too. The air is thin up there so Manny and Ortiz (I refuse to call him Papi in case you haven't noticed) could get a little tired although they could each hit a home run that lands in another zip code. I think the Red Sox still win the Series but they are going to have to do it in Boston because Colorado has a great advantage with no DH and a bigger field...not to mention they have great fans.

Channing Crowder is a Massive Douchebag

Is it any wonder why people the world over hate "Ugly Americans." Notice I didn't say that they hate Americans, I'm an American who takes the time to understand a nation before I go visit it and do my best to not insult the people there. A few no-no's are imitating their accent, stereotyping them based on a TV or Movie character and taking pleasure in not knowing where their country is.

Channing Crowder did the latter. He is a LB for the Dolphins who are playing in the first regular season game in England this week. When asked about London this is what he had to say, I shit you not:

"I couldn't find London on a map if they didn't have the names of the countries. I swear to God. I don't know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that. I know London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That's the closest thing I know to London. He's black, so I'm sure he's not from London. I'm sure that's a coincidental name."

Some have asserted that Crowder was joking with these comments, if so I submit that he is an even bigger dickhole. The people at the NCAA must find it hard to call them "Student-Athletes" on occasions like this. I know he didn't graduate from "The U" but didn't he have a geography class, or maybe a history class, perhaps an ENGLISH class! My guess is Channing skipped Brit Lit before 1750, just a guess.

I also think it's funny that he thinks that because London Fletcher is black that he can't be from London. I hate to break it to Channing, but Black people can be from London just as easily as they can be from the US (didn't he see Love Actually?).

It would be too easy to nominate Channing for stiff of the week, instead I'll just say that he is an infected rectum of epic proportions.

And the Winners Are...

... The Red Sox, BC, The Patriots, The Celtics and The Bruins. Let's just let Boston have everything, hell, even Harvard is tied for the Ivy League lead, and will almost certainly win the title. How is it possible that those kids from Walpol didn't win the Little League World Series? It seams that The Hub is only a few titles away from becoming the town they hate: New York. It used to be easy to root for teams from Boston, mainly because they were long suffering losers, but now they are the Twinkie on the stick, not the fat kid.

Boston fans have become just as insufferable as New York fans once were. I don't know if there is any town of sports fans in this country that can take this kind of winning in stride with out getting big headed, but Boston certainly can't. I know they had to deal with the curse of the Bambino, a few of their best basketball players keeling over and getting ass raped by the Bears in the Super Bowl, but that made them lovable. Now they are just dicks with stupid accents, and I should know, my dad was one of them.

I should point out that none of this is going to stop Inky and I from taking to the sidelines in Foxboro this Sunday to watch football like famous people. Maybe we'll run into a super model or one of the Presidential candidates... I'm sure Rudy loves the Pats!

Inky and Greazy - Sideline Reportin'

Here at Inky and The Sports guys, we've got NFL week 8 covered. While we have a ton of opinions, what we normally lack is hard hitting journalism, but we've added that to our repertoire as well. This weekend Inky and I will be on the sidelines for the bloodbath that will be Skins at Pats (right about where that yellow circle is). This game is nothing but a speed bump in the road to Colt v Pats to determine who is the greatest football team of all time of the year. We'll take our camera along with us to Sunday's game in Foxboro, were I will take action shots and closeups of my favorite Skins while Inky will take an inordinate amount of shots of Tom Brady's ass. As for the game, I say take the Pats giving 18, the final will be 35-14.

Greazy Says: Sox in Six

I'm the douche bag who said the Rockies couldn't win in the first round, but I turned around an picked them to win in the NLCS. I also thought the Indians would win the ALCS, so there's really no good reason to think my pick is worth more than a inbred redneck with a lobotomy, but here goes.

I just can't pick against Josh Beckett, I think he'll have the chance to win games 1 and 5 and then be available in relief for game 7. But, with two wins from the new Mr. October all the Sox need is one each from Shilling and Dice K. Series over, and that's with out the help of Wakefield. SOX IN SIX!

Separated at Birth, Again??

I know we do this quite a bit on this site, but I can't help it. There seem to be so many of them out there. This one I realized while watching Mike Tomlin, head coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers , shake his head on the sidelines. It hit me just then, that he too has a long-lost-pop-culture twin. Omar Eppes, who will always be the lesser Willie Mays Hayes in my book.

So, here's to those happy coincidences of life. Like looking like someone else just enough for people to point it out and make fun of you.

Damn Straight

In the one of the most justifiable actions ever taken Greg Ryan has been fired as the coach of the US Womans soccer team. On the list of bonehead moves by coaches, the benching of Hope Solo has to rank right up there with Grady Little letting Pedro take the ball in game 7 of the '03 ALCS. The US women stand a better chance of winning their next big prize, Gold in China, with Solo in goal and Ryan not on the bench. I know he only lost one of the 56 games he helmed for the team, but boy was that one big! See ya Great, and welcome back Hope.

Watching the Watchers

I love watching football. I wasn't crazy about the end of The Skins game today, but at least they won. And at least I watched it myself, which is much better than if I had watched someone else watching it. That's how I watched the end of the Texans v Titans game. The game wrapped up after 4:15 eastern, and I was watching it in a Philly suburb, so CBS had to cut away from bonus coverage.

I know what you're going to say: Greazy get the NFL Ticket. I say, no way. I'm away from home for at least 5 or 6 of the NFL weekends, and my only friend who is a Skins fan lives 2 miles from my house, and he has it.

So there we were, watching JB, Shannon, Dan, Boomer, Charley and Bill "the chin" Cower as they watched the game on the monitors off camera. They reacted to what happened in the game, and then immediately ran a replay. So we would hear them say "Rosenfells completed it! Touchdown!" Then we would see the play. It was ridiculous, to say the least.

The game however was great, with a lot of ups and downs leading to a crazy finish. I got fucked by Matt Schaub not playing in the second half and my fantasy team took another hit, but at least I got to see a great game. Or, I got to see 6 guys see a great game.

PS - What's with all the onsides kicks being recovered these days? Dallas got one en route to a win over Buffalo two weeks ago, and Arizona and Tennessee both picked one up today, albeit in last second losses. Fuck the Hands Team!

Jumpin' Bean Town

I'm going to go on the record now as saying I am officially flip flopping on the ALCS. After watching last night's game it's clear that the Red Sox want this more. The Indians came out flat and pretty much shit the bed as Boston rolled 12-2. The most interesting part of the game tonight will be if the way overpriced and under performing Dice K can manage to win a post season game. He has been anything but an ace on this team and after all the money and mystery surrounding this guy the Bean Town faithful have to be disappointed. The other side note of distraction for the Sox is Manny Ramirez's constant controversial points of view. He doesn't care if his team makes it or not, it's not life and death to him and the fans of Boston will never understand this. Of course as is being reported hot off the press today the Indians are not without their distractions. Turns out pitcher Paul Byrd has purchased over 25K of HGH. I don't know why this story has broken now but it can't be good for the Indians locker room which has to be crushed with two straight losses. So while I'll still be pulling for the Rockies to win their first Series, I believe the Sox will prevail in game 7 and send themselves with a ton of momentum to the mile high city.

Time to go Gary.

If you scroll through the posts I've done on this blog, you'll find that I'm a fan of just about anything were two teams compete and a winner is crowned. Hell, I even watch NASCAR, Golf and Tennis out of the corner of my eye, enough to know what's going on. So, I'm not one of these people who says a sport has to draw huge ratings to be good, just the opposite in fact. I often think the sports that people overlook are more enjoyable to watch. WNBA, for example is a much more pure version of basketball they you will see in the NBA.

Likewise, I think Hockey is a great sport to watch, if you can find it. Gary Bettman took over as Commissioner of the NHL in 1993, and within his first year he had the thrill of the Rangers winning the cup. Since then there have been other thrilling things happen on the ice, but fewer and fewer people have seen them. Four teams have gone bankrupt, and countless fans have lost their teams to warm weather cites in America. Two labor stoppages have driven casual fans away from the game leaving only the true, hard core fans to watch in person and on TV. But, this year, the Detroit Red Wings and Colorado Avalanche failed to sell out their home opener, which is unacceptable.

Gary Bettman has to go, and someone needs to come in and totally restructure the NHL. The League should be split into two levels, a top flight group of 16 who will play for the Stanley Cup, and a second tier group of 14 who play for, oh lets call it the Gretzky Cup. With 16 teams to focus on, the level of interest will be higher for the "Average Fan" and they might start watching Hockey again. For teams in the second tier, they will still have local TV deals and hopefully begin to cultivate an audience that they can take with them, should they win the Gretzky Cup and get to play in the Top Flight division the next year.

Scalped

Well the Patriots are at it again with the meddling into other people's private affairs. It turns out the Pats lawyers have won an injunction against stubhub.com requiring stub hub to turn over all the names of people selling Pats home game tickets on their web sites. The claim by New England is their policy against scalping tickets is clearly stated on the back of their tickets and that if fans don't want to go to the games they have a whole waiting list of people who would abide by the rules.

At the center of this however is the privacy of the 13,000 fans whose privacy has been compromised by this injunction. These are people who simply went to a website offered tickets for auction to the highest bidder not realizing that at some point they would be outed by the Patriots.

As a fan I'm not sure how I feel about this, if it were my team I'd probably be all for these profiteering fans being reprimanded and stripped of their tickets but at the same time all 32 teams are available on this web site. No other team seems to have a problem with this and really who doesn't want to make a buck every now and then. It's not realistic for the same person to go to all 8 home games plus pre-season every year so why not make a few bucks. The civil liberties people are all over this of course and are citing the fact the Patriots were already fined for spying on a competing team earlier this year and are now attempting to invade the privacy of their ticket holders. It should be interesting to see how all this works out, after all according to the law suit the Patriots have the right to prosecute these people for scalping so there could be a lot of time served in the New England area in the near future. This case to me is another example of an organization over stepping it's bounds and meddling in affairs they have no business in so for this week the New England Patriots are my stiff of the week!!

Take Your 5 Million Dollars and Shove It

Well it's official, Joe Torre it no longer manager of the New York Yankees! Turns out after closed door meetings the Yanks would only pony up a measly 5 mill with incentives and Torre who has to be tired of all the BS said fuck off. The Yanks wanted a more "incentive laden" contract to inspire Torre to make it deeper into the playoffs. I find this really amusing because Torre or any manager for that matter can want to go to the post season all they want but the players have to take them there. Hell, I'm sure Peter Angelos would give Dave Trembley a 100 million dollar incentive to make the play offs because the chances are slim to none the O's could do it. I don't blame Torre, I'd have said fuck off long ago with all the bull he's had to put up with from Steinbrenner. Managers are always the fall guys for their teams because as any good sports fan will tell you "you can't fire all the players" so a change in leadership is needed. In the modern age I'm sure managers garner little respect from their players although I'd bet Torre did ok. So good luck Joe, I'm sure there are 10 other teams lining up to make you an offer, hell I wish the O's would fire the newly hired Trembley to make a run at you because all you do is win baby!!

I thought all your exes lived in Texas.

Hats off to the Indians who are willing to pull out all the stops in their pursuit of a World Series title. Tonight they will send C.C. Sabathia to the mound as their starting pitcher, but they will send Danielle Peck to the mound in the pregame to sing the National Anthem. Peck used to date Josh Beckett who will get the game 5 start for Boston, and will try to keep the Sox season alive. There is no word on if their break up was amicable, and the Indians are saying that they didn't know that Peck and Beckett had dated when they set her up. They said the reason they picked her is that she's from Ohio. (Remember back in the day, when country stars and NASCAR drivers were from the south?)

There is some precedent here, involving the Indians and pregame entertainment. Back in 2002 after Tawny Kitaen kicked the shit out of Indians pitcher Chuck Finley he filed for divorce. A few days later the Tribe was at Comiskey Park to take on the White Sox, and the dude running the audio played "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake as Finley was warming up. People said that it was a low blow and the audio guy was fired, I however, thought it was funny as shit. I also think that teams should play "Born to be Wild" when Ben Roethlisberger takes the field because of the motorcycle sounds at the beginning, but that's just me.

The one difference in the two baseball cases is that Kitaen was early masturbation fodder for many in my generation and Peck is at best pretty. She's like a lot of female country acts: all looks no talent.

Why The Fuck Isn't There a Ball Game Tonight?

I know between Greazy and myself we have belabored this point but seriously...WHY THE FUCK ISN'T THERE A BALL GAME TONIGHT??? These guys play damn near every day from April til the end of September and when the post season arrives we have weeks of off days. I mean all this does is give Boston one more night of there 07 season because they are done after tomorrow. The Indians and an ancient Kenny Lofton (what is he 108) look unstoppable and the 40 million dollar Jap has choked. The other weird thing about this is there isn't even a road trip involved...game 5 is still in Cleveland after all so I guess the Sox players can enjoy all the amenities of beautiful down town Cleveland in October. As Greazy and I know from having been there there isn't a hell of a lot to do in this city and the fish appear to be dead and floating to the top of the Lake. So I guess we'll all wait on MLB to finish out it's long ass post season and for these players who have played everyday all summer long to enjoy their extra siestas in the post season.

I Kissed My Brother This Weekend

Ties in sports are liking kissing your sister, right? But, since I'm a chick, and my sister is too, that doesn't really work for me.

I was playing my co-worker in fantasy football this weekend. I considered it, as did she, a must win. Months of bragging rights and taunting emails were at stake. I was desperate for a win. And, it looked for a while like I might get my wish. LT finally woke up from his slumber and got 4 TDs. But, come Sunday night, I found myself behind by 15 points. All her players had finished. I was left with the New York Football Giants defense and Jeremy Shockey. 16 points for the win, I thought it was doable.

THOSE BASTARDS GOT ME 15!! I started to go through the list in my head. If only my defense had gotten one more sack. If only Brett Favre hadn't thrown that second interception, if only Chad Johnson hadn't been such a bitch.

But, I still take it as a moral victory. I was the one who should have lost, and I didn't. I may not have won, but she didn't either. And, I guess that will have to be enough for me.

Fire Sale!

The Home Depot Presents Your Mom is 2-4 having won 2 of it's last 3 games, but still a joke of a team. Drew Brees didn't have a good game till I traded him, my receiving corps blows and someone needs to check Shawn Alexanders expiration date, because I think he's turned. I've gotten good games out of Pittsburgh's defense and Marshawn Lynch and I've seen a few bright spots from DeShawn Wynn, but I'm still 2-4.

So, I have decided to take a page out of Wayne Huizenga's book and light a match. We are a 3 player keeper league, so I'm going to bank on Lynch getting better, Michael Turner signing with a team where he can be a feature back and maybe keeping Matt Schaub. The rest of my players are firewood, and can be had for a second round pick in next year's draft.

As a former champion of this league, I hate to take this approach, but when it comes to a 3 player keeper league sometimes you have to build a winner two years at a time. So for this year, I'll have to pass up on my second Golden Pipe, but I have next year's in my sights!

You Can't Quit Them Because What Else Would We Talk About??

I read Greazy's post from yesterday about second guessing his love and passion for the Redskins. While I can feel Greazy's pain with a crushing loss in a game your team should've won I'm not sure I can go along with questioning loyalty to the team you've followed since you could watch TV. It's the lamenting with friends and family that you have that keep you going through the tough times. All the celebrations and bragging to supporters of lesser teams that you have when your team is on top of the world. It helps define who you are and gives you plenty of conversation to have with your friends. I've all but given up on the O's but like a sucker I still watch somewhat religiously until all hope is lost. Same with the Ravens although they've given us plenty to cheer about over the years so I have no real right to complain about them (even though I will). It could be worse, I could be a Rams or Dolphins fan... So to sum it up for Greazy, the reason he can't quit is because sports is one of those hobbies/obsessions that keeps us going through all the mundane bull shit we call the work week.

Why Can't I Quit You?

I never get as high when it's good as I get low when it's bad. That is to say, when the Redskins win, I am excited, but not in an all encompassing way that affirms my life. However, when they loose I get mad. Then I get mad that I'm mad about a bunch of millionaires sucking. Why do we do it to ourselves? I talked with a friend who's an Eagles fan today, and he said that was all he could think as he drove home from the Monday Night game where the Eagles lost to the Skins. He said he just couldn't figure out what keeps bringing him back, and what was worse was the fact that his pain should have meant my happiness. But it didn't, because after the Skins won that game they lost to New York and then again yesterday to Green Bay. And they were both games that they truly should have won, which makes the three that the did win irrelevant.

I go through this a lot in my life, since I root for the Skins and the Orioles primarily. I have all but stopped paying attention to the O's, and the Skins can't be much further behind. Watching sports should be about enjoyment and entertainment, not torture and heartbreak. People say that if you don't stick with your team in bad times as well as good then you are not a good fan. I used to believe that myself, but now I see that by putting so much into an entity that only serves to kick you over and over again, it's akin to being in a bad relationship. Sure, they may bring you flowers (win a game) or take you on a great trip (win a Championship) from time to time. But, in the end what they do most often is slap you at the dinner table and tell you that you look fat in those pants (Fumble on their own 10 yard line and mismanage the clock while pissing away a lead in the second half). Hell sometimes they even cheat on you (pick up and leave town).

So why do we do it? What do we gain from it? I watched a few sporting events this weekend that I have no rooting interest in, and I was still entertained. Watching UK beet LSU put a smile on my face, but didn't take me too high or too low. In a way it is like sports methadone, where as the Redskins are my Heroine. In the end, I know I'll be right back to the smack next weekend when the Skins play our old NFC east doormats the Cardinals. Because I'm a bitch.

Running of the Bulls

Do you remember that great game the University of South Florida played back in '96? Of course you don't because they didn't have a football team then. They first took the field as a 1-AA team in '97, my Jr year, and didn't play 1-A till '01. But as of today they are the #2 team in the land, thanks in large part to poor showings by LSU and Cal. Ohio State ranks #1 in the BCS standings, but we all know that the Buckeyes can't finish, and so for all intents and purposes the USF Bulls are #1. That's U-S-F, not F-S-U, as was the case back before South Florida had a team.

That's just one of the many things that doesn't make sense here. First, the University of SOUTH Florida is in Tampa, which can only be described as South Florida if you are in Jacksonville. The University of Central Florida is in Orlando, which is Central-Central, but Tampa is West-Central. What it is not is south, but they say they got their name because at the time of their founding, they were the furthest south of all the State schools. That was 1956, by the way a full 7 years before Central Florida kicked it's doors open, so that name was on the table, but they didn't take it.

How can such a young school, with an even younger football program be ranked #2? And, how can a school who's most famous alumni are Gallagher and Hulk Hogan be such a draw? Have you been to Tampa? All they do is churn out football players and hot little beach chicks down there, how could they not be successful? XL, Inky and I could buy a strip mall in Pensacola and call it the University of East Florida and we would have a top 25 football team in less than a decade.

There are only but so many great players in Florida (and Jersey) high schools to go around, so perhaps the drop off at Miami and FSU has driven a few great young players to Tampa. Either way, if the Bulls continue their run by downing Rutgers, UConn, Syracuse and Pitt on the road, and Cincinnati and Louisville at home they could be playing for a national title just 11 years after starting their program. I don't think it would happen, but it would be fun to watch.

That Game Lasted Longer Than Holcomb

Holy fuck that was a long ass game. The Tribe evened the ALCS at one Game each with a 13-6, 11 inning win over the Bosox. It took more than 20% of a full day to play this game, as it wrapped up in just under five hours and 20 Minutes.

Big ups to the Indians pen (or most of it) who picked up a floundering Fausto Carmona. Curt Shilling should have put some red dye on his sock or something cause he ate ass with a soup ladle. Manny and Papi were pretty huge until the 10th when they wilted in the stifling Boston cold.

Now it's back to Cleveland were the teams will play three games over the next 6 days which makes no good god damned sense. Why do these guys need so many off days in the post season? They play ever day during the season, and then get to a post season that doesn't resemble the game they play for 6 months. It's like overtime in the NFL. My picks are still looking good...

Stud of the Week: Colt Brennan

Contrary to popular belief, the best Quarterback to throw more than 4 picks this week wasn't Tony Romo. It was Colt Brennan, who probably has the best claim to the Heisman this year, although he has no chance of winning it.

Last night Brennan lead his Rainbow Warriors to a 42-35 win over lowly San Jose State. (is is just me or is San Jose being nicknamed the Spartans weird for some reason, like maybe they should be the Conquistadors or something.) Granted Brennan threw 4 picks, but he also had 4 TDs and just south of 550 yards. This season his yardage totals are 416, 548, 298, 369, 219, and yesterdays 545. If this guys doesn't get a shot in the NFL, I'll be amazed. I know he's a system QB and that Timmy Chang put up big numbers at Hawaii too, but not this big.

The only people who don't want Colt Brennan on their team are people with a daughter in college. But, I'll take him as my stud of the week.

There Could've Been 891 More

When Justin Upton was called out on a take out slide of Kaz Matsui at second last night, the fans in Arizona didn't like the call. Like they have any room to talk. They are so behind their team that they protested the call (which was the right one) by throwing bottles and other garbage onto the field. All of them that showed up that is.

How in the world do you make it to the NLCS, bitch about your team not getting any love from the national media, and then fail to sell the last 891 tickets to the game? This is a team who also failed to sell tickets to the NLCS the last time they were there in 2001, despite their big names like Shilling and Johnson. They told us that they were growing a fan base and that they were still a new team, but it's 6 years on and they still can't sell out a LCS game. The only reason they sold out the World Series in '01 is because there were a ton of Yankee fans who retired to the desert and they snatched up the tickets. And it's not as if the fans are staying away out of apathy or diminished expectations like the Atlanta fans who wait for the World Series either. They just don't come.

The answer is clear: no regular season baseball in an area that is accustomed to Spring Training baseball. Florida and Arizona get their hard ball every March, and that should be all.

You Can pick playoff winners, and you can pick your nose...

So the baseball playoffs are back tonight after an inexplicable two day layoff. They just so happened to be two of the slowest sports days of the year, so we could have used some more baseball. Don't get me wrong, Navy vs. Pitt double OT is cool and all, and I can't get enough of TO going on and on about how good the cowgirls are, but it's nice to have games to think about.

Cleveland vs Boston: This series comes down to one question: Can the Red Sox beet Fausto and C.C. once or twice? Not that Beckett is a slouch or anything, but those guys are nasty. Cleveland's inablity to get runners home from scoring position with less than two outs is troubling, but they might bust out of that slump. Greazy says: Cleveland in 6.

Chicago vs Philladelphia: Isn't it nice that we have two teams in the NLCS that everyone knows really well. Aw Shit! thats right, we have Arizona vs Colorado. I think Brandon Webb is good for two gaurenteed wins in this series so the question is can the D-backs win two out of five? No. Greazy says Colorado in 7.

Stiff of the Week a Tie....MLB & Dane Cook

I realize that Major League Baseball is in the post season and this is typically the time of year that even non baseball fans are into the former national past time. However I am tired of the league dragging the post season out to damn near Thanksgiving (an exaggeration I know). The NLCS was decided on Sunday yet we don't get game 1 until Thursday night at 8. After playing nearly every day since April do these guys really need nearly a week off to get ready for a best of 7 series? The ALCS doesn't start until Friday and I guarantee you if both of these are sweeps the World Series won't be moved up. I'm pulling for a Rockies vs Indians series because that gives us the best chance for a "white" series meaning I hope it snows not that the players of those teams are predominately white. I am very cynical about baseball right now because my team blows with little chance of improvement and the steroid scandals as well as all the loud mouth Red Sox and Yankee fans that we as a nation have to endure thanks to ESPN and Fox blowing their rivalry way out of proportion.

Lastly and the reason for the tie I am tired of seeing Dane Cooks' Don Cheadle esque commercials for the baseball post season. Is there nothing he won't do? It's bad enough he made Employee of the month with Jessica Simpson and from what I hear Good Luck Chuck was just about as bad. Now I have to listen to him for 60 seconds over enunciating all of his word going on about how great the baseball post season is. I got news for you, no one accept for the four cities involved are pumped up for the rest of the post season. Dane needs to get some standards and start making good movies/promos I mean what's next will he be on Dancing With the Stars with Gary Coleman?? Sorry Dane, I love your stand up but you should probably stick to that or hire a better agent.

Stiff of the Week: This Guy

You all know that I'm normally all about all things Aussie, but this is fucking ridiculous. I don't care if people hunt, just so long as they eat what they kill, and that there's a bit of proportion to the whole thing. I've often said that the NRA is one of the worst things that can happen to this country because rather then just backing the guys who go out and shoot a deer with a thirty ought six they want to do it with an AK-47. I'm not into hunting, but I have respect for guys who can sit in a tree while covered in deer piss and shoot a buck with a .222 or a bow and arrow.

.

But do you really need a huge ass riffle like this guy has to kill a cat. A FUCKING CAT! The thing has a fucking sight on it for crying out loud. Sure the cat is feral and all, but can't you trap it with some yarn or a feather and bell on the end of a string? Maybe I'm crazy, but shooting a cat with a big ass gun just doesn't seem sporting to me. If you go bear hunting there's always the chance that the bear may end up hunting you. And a deer can kick the shit out of a hunter, although most deer hunting accidents come from drunk rednecks falling out of trees and shooting one another. What's the cat going to do? Hiss at you and claw at your fatigues?

What's worse is that this dumb fuck paid $100 buck for the pleasure of shooting this cat. One look at the web site shows that cat is the cheapest of the varmints you can hunt through Ausafari. Below the menu of critters you can shoot with your shoulder mounted rocket launcher is this little graphic:Nice. I'm a cold heartless fuck, and even I think that is fucked. This guys should be locked up with Michael Vick and a pack of rabid dogs and cats. He's in the early running for stiff of the year and I don't even know his name.

I hope he's dumb enough to do it.

It's not Joe Torre's fault, it's Jason Giambi's or Mike Mussina's. They're the guys who have been on this team for 5 or 6 years and never won a thing. The Yankees who won those 4 titles in 5 years were built out of a few great players, a bunch of emerging talent and most importantly roll players who had a knack for getting the big hit at the big moment. They also had 12 year old kids robbing sure outs in the right field bleachers, but I digress.

The point is, Joe Torre didn't go out on a shopping spree that netted a host of multimillion dollar busts. He may have made a bad call when he started Wang on 3 days rest rather then go with Mussina, but someone else signed Moose. Mussina is emblematic of the 21st Century Yankee: big paycheck, small results when it counts. Even in his O's days Mussina always seemed to shrink in big moments, and when he didn't he seemed to be snake bitten. When he wasn't getting hit in the face by Sandy Alomar he was giving up a 1 out single to him in the 9th inning of a perfect game. A fate that befell him again against Carl Everett and the Bo Sox.

The Sox are a perfect example of the mix needed to win in baseball these days. A few big stars, and then a few Dustin Pedroias and Kevin Youkilii. Oh yeah, and starting pitching that is good now, not guys who were great a few years ago. When Joe Torre had all these things he won big over and over. With a fantasy baseball team filled with big bank accounts and bigger egos, he still made it to the playoffs every year, so if George fires him it should serve as proof that he's lost it. Who will do a better job, Mattingly? Yeah, cause he's proven to be a real winner over the years.

If the Yanks fire Joe Torre they deserve all they get because of it. And, I'm all for it.

20 Amazing Minutes

Inky and I were witness to 20 amazing minutes of sport on Monday night from 11:37 to 11:57. I drew up an event by event list of what went down as we sat watching Game 4 of the ALDS and MNF.

• 11:37 With one out in the bottom of the 9th, Bobby Abreu hits a bomb to right to make it 6-4 Indians.


• 11:38 Dallas, down 8 is driving inside the Buffalo half of the feild


• 11:39 A-Rod pops up in his last atbat as a Yankee. Bombers down to their last out.


• 11:40 Tony Romo seems to forget that he has turned the ball over 6 times, finds Jason Whitten for a first down


• 11:41 Jorge Posada hits a ball to New Jersey, but it is 4 feet foul.


• 11:42 Posada makes the last out, and the Indians win the series 3-1


• 11:43 Tony Romo throws a TD to Patrick Crayton


• 11:44 Romo's two point pass to TO is on the mark, but it is knocked away. Bills 24 Boys 22


• 11:46 Buffalo somehow allows Dallas to get the onside kick!?!


• 11:48 Booth review to see if the onside kick went 10 yards, it's really obvious that it did.


• 11:50 Romo throws to TO, who looks like he made the catch but once again it goes to the booth


• 11:53 The booth rules no catch, Dallas has 13 seconds and 50 yards to go. They can't win can they?


• 11:54 A short pass to Barber III who gets out of bounds, and now they would have a 61 yard FG.


• 11:55 Another short pass, to Crayton this time who gets out of bounds at the 35 with 2 seconds left.


• 11:56 The kick is good, but the Bills called Time Out. Folk has been iced.


• 11:57 Folk dosen't mind the ice, and knocks the 53 yarder through again for an amazing Monday night win. Maybe not as amazing as the Skins 14-13 win over the Cowboys in '05, but pretty amazing.

I just don't know how Buffalo managed to lose that game. It all turned on 3rd and goal when Edwards threw a pick when they should have just run and settled for a FG that would have put them up 27-16 with less then 5 minutes. As for the Yankees, good riddance. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I hate the Yankees and Cowboys more than any two teams in the world, so at least the one in the game of importance lost tonight.

Stud of the Week: Mike Sellers

OK, so he's a fantasy football cock-block, but Mike Sellers is a big butch man, Mr. hat. Sellers was a big part of the Redskins 34-3 ass rape of the Lions today. He had 24 yards rushing and 26 receiving and scored two touchdowns, but more important then that is how fired up the other Skins get when he lays a big hit on a would be tackler. The Skins are 3-1, and only need to play .500 ball from here on out to make the playoffs, not that I'm saying they will, but it is a possibility.

Oh those Phillies

I will start this off by saying I have no right to make fun of Philly fans because at least they made it to the playoffs and won their division. That is the excuse I will hear from all of the people I know that love those Phils (when they're winning). I don't know how you win the division on the last day of the season with all of the tie breaker possibilities out there and don't win one damn game against a team who had to play a one game play off for the right to be the wild card. I don't watch the National League because I find most of the games boring and a lot of the players uninteresting but damn was this series boring. One run? That's all you can score when your season is on the line? How big of a douche must Pat Burrel feel after Mary Washingtoning that fly ball that allowed a run to score. Looked like a play that most left fielders would probably make, maybe the lights going out earlier scared him. Jimmy Rollins as MVP...I don't see it with a guy like Matt Holiday in Colorado. Either way the city of Philadelphia is heart broken again and one can only wonder when their sports championship drought will be over.

Luck O The Irish

Well it only took 6 weeks but Notre Dame finally got their first win over a hapless UCLA team at the Rose Bowl last night. After knocking a second string quarterback out UCLA had to go with a walk on who had never thrown a pass at the college level. It was all over but the crying at that point. Notre Dame got 4 picks and still only managed 20 points with their abysmal offense but UCLA was worse allowing the Irish 20-6 victory. What makes this more comical is the way Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen celebrated at the end as if they had just won some sort of bowl game. All they really won was the relief of knowing they won't go winless this season cause they're going to lose next week.

I wonder if Charlie Weis pulled a page out of the movies and did the classic Revenge of the Nerds John Goodman speech to pump his team up. I can only imagine Notre Dame players looking disheveled in their locker room after practice this week and Weis encouraging them to go beat up some nerds. Who hasn't wanted to run through a freshman dorm and hold a geeky kid out the window by the leg while yelling NERDS. Not to mention drinking beer out of a trophy. Anyway, no matter what Weis said or did his team finally got off the goose egg and put up a W. What would be more impressive is if they can do it again and again over the remaining weeks of the season against a team whose quarterback has played since high school.

Swarm

Inky is still home bound with her broken leg, so we watched the Yanks take on the Indians and a swarm of Canadian Soldiers tonight. Or that's what the TV announcers were calling the millions of bugs that were all over the Yanks in the late innings. They seemed to rattle Joba the Fat but they didn't seem to get to Fausto Carmona who turned in a gem of a game. I can't believe the Indians kept getting runners in scoring position with less then two outs and didn't pay them off. In the end they won, and put the Yanks in a 0-2 hole.

Plus, A-Rod went hitless again and had 3 K's... He's going to look good in a #3 cubs Jersey. And the Indians are going to look good in the ALCS, and Joba is getting Larrrrger!

Fantasy Felons League.

I'm not having the greatest time with my fantasy team this year. I won last week, but when you're banking on a rookie RB and a group of never will be's at WR it's going to be a long season. I thought I may have caught a break when Travis Henry tested positive for mary jane, and rushed to pick up Selvin Young, but he was already taken.

My cousin has Henry this year, and his season is now floating in the bong water, threatening to sink. They guy who picked up Young, Henry's back up and former Longhorn, is the very same guy who lost out when Rickey Williams tested positive for weed a few years back. When it comes to pot and fantasy football, it's easy come, easy go. Why should these players transgressions end up hurting our fantasy teams. Indeed, why aren't these players faults and mistakes the basis for our leagues. Drum roll please....

Inky and the Sports Guys proudly presents: The Fantasy Felons League! You get to draft any player from the world of sports, and you receive points when they fuck up. You get one point for every $5,000 they are fined, and 10 points for every game they are suspended for. Because this is not a court of law, you also get points when a player is just charged with a crime. Here's a break down:

• DUI: 10 points
• Simple assault: 15 points
• Vehicular Manslaughter: 25 points
• Domestic Abuse: 25 points
• Possession of a weapon: 30 points
• Discharging a weapon: 35 points
• Drug possession: 35 points (with intention to distribute doubles the points)
• Positive Drug test (Performance enhancers or Recreational) 40 points
• Aggravated Assault: 50 points
• Manslaughter: 60 points
• Murder: 100 points
• Dog Fighting 1000 points (cause you gotta be pretty dumb to go down for this again)

Once again, you can take any person from the world of sports, and the season runs over the calender year. The Draft would take place on or about December 15th, and the season kicks off with the NFL playoffs, the NBA and the Baseball preseason steroid test-a-poluza.

Introducing: Inky

Today we take a moment to get to know the only female member of the I&TSG staff. Sadly, she has been forced to spend far too much time with Both XL and Greazy over the last decade, so she is ruined for normal men. Nah, but she has gotten used to hanging out with fat losers.

Name: Angry Inky

Location: Pleasuretown, USA

When did you first meet the other I&TSG members: Making fun of them from the back of a college classroom.

Favorite Teams (in order): New Zealand National Polo Team, Czech Republic Women's Handball Team, German Men's Table Tennis Team, Pro Bowler Walter Ray Williams Jr, Philadelphia Flyers

Top 5 Sports Movies: 5) Bull Durham; "Get a Hit Crash." "Shut Up"

4) Major League; "This guy here is dead!" "Well, cross him off then!"

3) Dodgeball; "You usually have to pay double for that kind of action, Cotton."

2) Necessary Roughness; "Is this the best time to make sure everyone plays. I haven't played yet."

1) Blades of Glory; "I was on quaaludes in Oslo, I don't even remember that."

Favorite Sports moment (in person or on TV) Miracle on Ice

Sports Dream: All I can say is, it involves cut-off shorts, car washing and Peyton Manning

Best story about meeting a pro athlete: I had to sign a confidentiality agreement, but it was a magical night. (just kidding) Actually, it would have to be the time Luis Matos, former Baltimore Oriole, asked me out on a date.

If you were a closer what would your introduction music be: Brick House by the Commodores

Favorite Curse word: Fuck

If god exists what would you like him to say to you upon entering heaven? Wow, You're boobs look even bigger up close